It is a stage of life everyone has to encounter...
... but to me, this is the first time such matter really affected me that much. It is after an amputation that is complicated by the health concern that had never surfaced previously.
To be fair, the doctors has to state the risk as high and as pessimistic as possible, rather than to be blamed for making empty promises/reassurance. However, I just could not help feeling really that upset, the gloom impending possibility of losing her. There are just so much things we hope to achieve in her lifetime, such as been served at our wedding tea ceremony, hearing my future kid calling her 'Ah Tai', so much so that these will be regrets that I could picture myself been haunted by.
Perhaps at the same time, with all these grievances we just felt the need to find somebody to blame... after all it just started as wet gangrene on the toe which was delayed with initial decision to only conduct angioplasty and KIV, then eventually they decided to carry on the toe amputation. Now it has escalated to a critical infection as well as a bout of heart attack which seems to leave amputating the lower leg the only alternative to prolong her life, despite the risks and complications it carries. Can't help questioning why a proper job was carried out in the first place instead of having to amputate again at a much difficult condition? Sure enough there is risk of infection after the first surgery but shouldn't the doctors give necessary preventive measures? We can't help but speculate that somewhere along the whole chain of procedures something must have been done wrongly, wrong judgement has been made.
All I hope is that it is all just our paranoia ...
To be fair, the doctors has to state the risk as high and as pessimistic as possible, rather than to be blamed for making empty promises/reassurance. However, I just could not help feeling really that upset, the gloom impending possibility of losing her. There are just so much things we hope to achieve in her lifetime, such as been served at our wedding tea ceremony, hearing my future kid calling her 'Ah Tai', so much so that these will be regrets that I could picture myself been haunted by.
Perhaps at the same time, with all these grievances we just felt the need to find somebody to blame... after all it just started as wet gangrene on the toe which was delayed with initial decision to only conduct angioplasty and KIV, then eventually they decided to carry on the toe amputation. Now it has escalated to a critical infection as well as a bout of heart attack which seems to leave amputating the lower leg the only alternative to prolong her life, despite the risks and complications it carries. Can't help questioning why a proper job was carried out in the first place instead of having to amputate again at a much difficult condition? Sure enough there is risk of infection after the first surgery but shouldn't the doctors give necessary preventive measures? We can't help but speculate that somewhere along the whole chain of procedures something must have been done wrongly, wrong judgement has been made.
All I hope is that it is all just our paranoia ...