Growing up
No one ever tells you there’s that moment when you realized you’ve become a grown-up. I don’t mean signing the mortgage papers, or holding your child; those are important milestones, but they may indicate you’ve become an adult or a parent. I know plenty of adults that aren’t grown-ups. Likewise, I’ve met a few grown-ups that aren’t parents or even adults.
Generally speaking, adults are folks over the age of twenty-five that are on their own, paying their own bills, working a job they may or may not like, but doing what they need to do to stay afloat. Adults have been out for a bit, have gone through some stuff (financially or otherwise) and basically have a concept of what it takes to make things happen for themselves. Adults make decisions based on what is right for themselves, whether it be for the immediate future or for the planned future. They may or may not have everything together, but they certainly give the impression of being so. When someone says they’re ‘adulting,’ they’re doing something responsible and intelligent. It may not be the most exciting thing in the world, but it’s the right thing for the moment.
Parents are folks who choose to take on the challenge of nurturing a little person (and sometimes a big person, depending on the situation) and make them into Adults. They may be biological, legal, work based, friend based; there are all kinds of make ups. The thing these folks have in common is that they see (or create) a person who is in need of guidance and nurturing and purposely choose to do so for them. They become Mom or Dad (or Step-), or Mentor, Teacher, Supervisor, crazy friend to call at any time of night if one needs advice or guidance, an ear to bend, or a shoulder to cry on. They help other folks develop into better folks in the hopes of making that person into an adult. And if they do it right, they help create a Responsible Adult.
Grown-ups are a combination of the two. A grown up is someone that will make decisions based on right now, but also for the future. A grown-up has guided a person or two into being a responsible adult, and has also offered help to adults needing a bit more nurturing or advice. A grown-up will purposely do things not just to benefit themselves, but most of the time will decide what is good in the long run for everyone. Grown-ups may be successful, but also want others to be successful with them.
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My job was getting a bit more unstable. Too few folks to carry out too many responsibilities for too little money. People were jumping ship left and right, causing the more responsibilities to be divvied up between the folks left behind. It was beginning to affect me, both at work and at home. I was cranky, short tempered, sleep deprived, a real PITA. My kids noticed, my husband noticed and most importantly I noticed. I hated being this way, so I started to look around for a better situation.
Two jobs came around.
One was my dream job. Working for a company I’d admired for years, a chance to use my degree and experience to create experiences for other people. The likely probability of traveling all over the world. Meeting people I’d admired for years and the possibility of moving into an industry I’ve tried to get into since high school.
The other was a good job. Stable hours, decent money. Good benefits. Doing what I’d been doing for years, but for a company more stable than the one I was leaving, with a track history of treating their employees much better than the place I was leaving. Not particularly challenging work, but being overworked would never be an issue. Like I said, a good, boring, job.
Pretty easy choice right? Actually it was.
I chose the good job over the dream job. The good job was with a company that had not only been around for over fifty years, but offered the option of college tuition for me, my spouse and all of my children. The dream job couldn’t offer that kind of incentive or stability, dream come true or not.
I’ll never tell my kids about the day I became a grown-up. I want them to follow their dreams, and go where those dreams take them. But it’s my responsibility to make sure they have the opportunities and the tools to chase their dreams, like parents who are there for them every night and a chance for a good education. I chose between two sets of dreams: those of my present and those of my future. I figure if it’s meant to be, I’ll find a way to make certain goals happen. For now, I’ll choose their future over mine.