The return of the funny quotes!
It's been ... well... a very long time. So here we are - the crazy quotes I collect from my friends (and exes)!
"He was just trying to fight me, it's a good thing he hit the guitar case instead of my spear penis!" - Brian.
"dang stuff. whoever invented stuff should be stuffed with beanie babies until they pop." - Bucky.
"Yeah, it's the first day with this new gravity thing." -Kevin.
Maria: It's her fucking quotebook, she said it just now.
Sanford: Oh, so it's her book of quotes from when she's fucking?
Maria & Sanford in unison: Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.
"Glitter is craft-herpes." -Sphennings.
"Whoa, I think I just got violated by a glitter wand." -Sanford.
"I am a suave fucker." -Brian.
"I just wanted some fucking techno, I never asked for a strip tease with it!" - Me.
"I know Rafi's name - it's tattooed on my 'To Kill' list." -Brian.
"Asses don't beep! Unless there's a phone in them." -Ravn.
"Screw Atheism. There is sushi." -Me.
"Congratulations, you had octopus dangling out of your mouth." -Ben.
Cutting up a shirt for Zombie Prom.
Me: Mark me baby, mark me.
Maria: Where do you want it?
Me: I'll lay on the bed so I'll make an easy target.
"can you dance with dj purple while dj purple is dj ing? i guess that would require a lot of wiimotes, some yarn, 12 buttons on a shirt and about 2 cupcakes. then it might work." -Jan.
"CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL" -Brie.
Naomi: Not even a prince on a white horse could help me.
Me: How about a princess on a purple horse? My name means 'princess', you know. And I'd love to have a purple horse. I could come sweep you off your feet on my purple horse.
Naomi: I like princesses on purple horses. ^_^
Me: Let's start scouting for a purple horse! And I'd be happy to come and sweep you off your feet. And ride off with you into the sunset.
Naomi: Hehehe, you're wonderful. ^_^
Me: Heck, we'd match the sunset, with our outfits and purple horse. It'd be fantastic.
Naomi: Oooh!! That would be fun.
Me: We could strike a pose, have someone take a picture, and have it become so obscenely popular we'd get filthy rich. And we'd live happily ever after. Who knows. Could be cool.
"My breasts are not identical twins. They're fraternal, didn't you know?" -Me.
"You know, you do look quite fetching covered in Andrew cooties. Almost makes me sorry for eating your god." -Andrew.
"Just for you, I will put it over my knee and paddle it's bottom till it's tiny little hiney glows." -Josh.
Tone: So... you are excited about your boiled chicken butt, then?
Me: YES.
Me: My vagina is still pissed at me.
Maria: Hey, leave your vagina out of this! It's just the messenger!
Me: Okay, my uterus is still pissed at me.
"Tel Aviv: People are so attractive you'll forget the religious strife of two millennia." -Tel Aviv nightlife website.
Rafi: This music holds a warm place in my heart.
Me: Can we turn the warm place off now?
"Just holding this is making me unsober." -Brian.
"It's like getting run over by an ambulance. It's just funny." -Brie.
"Your heart is super cute! Like Jack Sparrow says, it's all thump thumpy and stuff." -Me.
"He was just trying to fight me, it's a good thing he hit the guitar case instead of my spear penis!" - Brian.
"dang stuff. whoever invented stuff should be stuffed with beanie babies until they pop." - Bucky.
"Yeah, it's the first day with this new gravity thing." -Kevin.
Maria: It's her fucking quotebook, she said it just now.
Sanford: Oh, so it's her book of quotes from when she's fucking?
Maria & Sanford in unison: Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger.
"Glitter is craft-herpes." -Sphennings.
"Whoa, I think I just got violated by a glitter wand." -Sanford.
"I am a suave fucker." -Brian.
"I just wanted some fucking techno, I never asked for a strip tease with it!" - Me.
"I know Rafi's name - it's tattooed on my 'To Kill' list." -Brian.
"Asses don't beep! Unless there's a phone in them." -Ravn.
"Screw Atheism. There is sushi." -Me.
"Congratulations, you had octopus dangling out of your mouth." -Ben.
Cutting up a shirt for Zombie Prom.
Me: Mark me baby, mark me.
Maria: Where do you want it?
Me: I'll lay on the bed so I'll make an easy target.
"can you dance with dj purple while dj purple is dj ing? i guess that would require a lot of wiimotes, some yarn, 12 buttons on a shirt and about 2 cupcakes. then it might work." -Jan.
"CAPS LOCK IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL" -Brie.
Naomi: Not even a prince on a white horse could help me.
Me: How about a princess on a purple horse? My name means 'princess', you know. And I'd love to have a purple horse. I could come sweep you off your feet on my purple horse.
Naomi: I like princesses on purple horses. ^_^
Me: Let's start scouting for a purple horse! And I'd be happy to come and sweep you off your feet. And ride off with you into the sunset.
Naomi: Hehehe, you're wonderful. ^_^
Me: Heck, we'd match the sunset, with our outfits and purple horse. It'd be fantastic.
Naomi: Oooh!! That would be fun.
Me: We could strike a pose, have someone take a picture, and have it become so obscenely popular we'd get filthy rich. And we'd live happily ever after. Who knows. Could be cool.
"My breasts are not identical twins. They're fraternal, didn't you know?" -Me.
"You know, you do look quite fetching covered in Andrew cooties. Almost makes me sorry for eating your god." -Andrew.
"Just for you, I will put it over my knee and paddle it's bottom till it's tiny little hiney glows." -Josh.
Tone: So... you are excited about your boiled chicken butt, then?
Me: YES.
Me: My vagina is still pissed at me.
Maria: Hey, leave your vagina out of this! It's just the messenger!
Me: Okay, my uterus is still pissed at me.
"Tel Aviv: People are so attractive you'll forget the religious strife of two millennia." -Tel Aviv nightlife website.
Rafi: This music holds a warm place in my heart.
Me: Can we turn the warm place off now?
"Just holding this is making me unsober." -Brian.
"It's like getting run over by an ambulance. It's just funny." -Brie.
"Your heart is super cute! Like Jack Sparrow says, it's all thump thumpy and stuff." -Me.