Funny quotes!
Finally! It's happening! Here they are, ladies and gentlemen! Strange and lovely quotes from my strange and lovely friends! (And a few from work.) And this is not getting put underneath a cut 'cuz it's too awesome.
"You look like you... I forgot what I'm saying." -Ben.
Brian: But how do you accidentally bite through someone's tongue?!
Brie: It was a tasty mint -- I really wanted it!
"They're [condoms] pretty much there as my emergency balloon animal supplies." -Brian.
me: You are so silly.
Jan: me? nevah.
me: Yeah. Right. Honestly. You're always staid and solemn!
Jan: and bitter and earnest and frank aaand ... err ... cupcaky.
me: Yeah. Exactly!
Jan: ESPECIALLY cupcaky.
"For now I stick by my decision not to drink anymore... at least for a few hours." -Brian.
"Yeah... it's totally shiny as shit!" -Me.
"may ye crash with much relaxation" -Serge.
"Did you just get a trash can up your butt?" -Muse.
"Somebody was totally trying to pick me up at the laundromat." -Maria.
"My endorphins are really fond of you. Thank you for making my endorphins go squee!" -Me.
"Oh! I just won the pisshorse race!" -Jess, as she runs for the bathroom.
"It sounds like sex, if you put sex into a big box of whistles." -Rafi, referencing an organ (the musical instrument, get your mind out of the gutter!)
"Actually, I didn't put the laundry in. I got distracted with my bowel movements." -Me.
"On a completely random note, I've come to the conclusion that cookies possess more magic than anything else on the planet." -Bernard.
"It doesn't help matters that the Overture starts with full-on organ action. Heh heh... I said 'full on organ action'..." -Jon.
"The paper towels just tried to give me an anal probe!" -Muse.
"I... am going to eat my computer." -Me.
"Because apparently 'uhuh' in Momspeak means 'how fascinating, do continue!'" - Maria.
"Anti-Spin is so Pro-Spin it will make you vomit rainbows!" -Paul.
Me: I was trying to make a joke and the factor of wittiness wasn't there.
Ben: Factor of wittiness? NOM NOM NOM.
"My imaginary genitalia is sad." -Lisa.
Q: how many DJs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ten. one to screw it in, and nine others to say they'd have picked a
better lightbulb and screwed it in better besides.
-Addam.
"Hints to birth control pills: Two words. Sounds like coat hanger." -Jon.
"I have the sexiest colon. If a GI specialist saw it, he'd cream his pants." -Rafi.
"I apparently spent the night flying on my tapioca spoon." -Muse.
Me: Wait, was she the drunk girl who was like "Do I look goth to you?"
Naomi: No...
Me: Okay. Whoever that was, I was reasonably sure they...
Naomi: No, that was the transvestite, I think.
Me: ... oh. Okay. Never mind. *whistles*
Naomi: lol
"I'm rambling. Brain goes clunk clunk with a crutch across the floor. I'm going to stop now. Good night." -Me.
"I'm actually playing through the playlist of songs I've given you. I'm going to have to rename it 'Songs of the Arbitrary Time Period' though, because 'Songs of the Day' isn't really accurate anymore." -Jon.
"Reality should be a swear word." -Me, getting off the plane from Miami to MN.
"New party rule: no whipped cream spin-art." -Scott.
"You ever feel so anxious that your butt starts sucking in?" -Muse.
"I died this weekend! It was great!" -Me.
"I've got a really easy job now. I get paid more to walk around the store and go, 'Hey look, there's none of 'these' on the shelf.' *BEEP*" -Ben.
"So evidently there is a dead bee named after me. I feel somewhat honored." -Rafi.
I do not like your fucking smack
I do not like your fucking crack
I do not like the drugs you slam
I do not like them, Sam I Am.
"CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you are!" -My Dad.
"raver pants: delicious, almost as delicious as dead bodies." -Aaron.
"You're practically mormon! Complete with magic underwear!" -Rafi.
"FUK U CAPSLOCK KEY I KILL YOU SO HARD YORU ANCESTORS WILL DIE.
Sorry. My keyboard and I were having... a disagreement. It's ok now. "
-Jon.
Me/Rafi: Your mom.
Rafi/Me: Your mom's face.
Me/Rafi: Your mom's monkey's face.
Rafi + Me: Your mom's tailless albino monkey's face with a bad case of Asperger's staring at Bob Dole's ED!
My Yip-Yip interpretation of PMS:
Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip, Earth book, Earth book... mmm... mmm... oooooooooooh, yipyipyipyipyip PMS. Yipyip, PMS. Yipyipyipyipyip. EEEEEEEK, bitchbitchbitchbitchbitch. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch. Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip uhuh uhuh.
News from work:
Someone is having problems with the blood vessels in their penis... after putting dry ice on it. *sigh*
"never had a organism while havin' intercourse"
"If you've been hit hard in your head many times, what are the possible effects?"
"I'm over wraughted. How can I fix this?"
"You look like you... I forgot what I'm saying." -Ben.
Brian: But how do you accidentally bite through someone's tongue?!
Brie: It was a tasty mint -- I really wanted it!
"They're [condoms] pretty much there as my emergency balloon animal supplies." -Brian.
me: You are so silly.
Jan: me? nevah.
me: Yeah. Right. Honestly. You're always staid and solemn!
Jan: and bitter and earnest and frank aaand ... err ... cupcaky.
me: Yeah. Exactly!
Jan: ESPECIALLY cupcaky.
"For now I stick by my decision not to drink anymore... at least for a few hours." -Brian.
"Yeah... it's totally shiny as shit!" -Me.
"may ye crash with much relaxation" -Serge.
"Did you just get a trash can up your butt?" -Muse.
"Somebody was totally trying to pick me up at the laundromat." -Maria.
"My endorphins are really fond of you. Thank you for making my endorphins go squee!" -Me.
"Oh! I just won the pisshorse race!" -Jess, as she runs for the bathroom.
"It sounds like sex, if you put sex into a big box of whistles." -Rafi, referencing an organ (the musical instrument, get your mind out of the gutter!)
"Actually, I didn't put the laundry in. I got distracted with my bowel movements." -Me.
"On a completely random note, I've come to the conclusion that cookies possess more magic than anything else on the planet." -Bernard.
"It doesn't help matters that the Overture starts with full-on organ action. Heh heh... I said 'full on organ action'..." -Jon.
"The paper towels just tried to give me an anal probe!" -Muse.
"I... am going to eat my computer." -Me.
"Because apparently 'uhuh' in Momspeak means 'how fascinating, do continue!'" - Maria.
"Anti-Spin is so Pro-Spin it will make you vomit rainbows!" -Paul.
Me: I was trying to make a joke and the factor of wittiness wasn't there.
Ben: Factor of wittiness? NOM NOM NOM.
"My imaginary genitalia is sad." -Lisa.
Q: how many DJs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ten. one to screw it in, and nine others to say they'd have picked a
better lightbulb and screwed it in better besides.
-Addam.
"Hints to birth control pills: Two words. Sounds like coat hanger." -Jon.
"I have the sexiest colon. If a GI specialist saw it, he'd cream his pants." -Rafi.
"I apparently spent the night flying on my tapioca spoon." -Muse.
Me: Wait, was she the drunk girl who was like "Do I look goth to you?"
Naomi: No...
Me: Okay. Whoever that was, I was reasonably sure they...
Naomi: No, that was the transvestite, I think.
Me: ... oh. Okay. Never mind. *whistles*
Naomi: lol
"I'm rambling. Brain goes clunk clunk with a crutch across the floor. I'm going to stop now. Good night." -Me.
"I'm actually playing through the playlist of songs I've given you. I'm going to have to rename it 'Songs of the Arbitrary Time Period' though, because 'Songs of the Day' isn't really accurate anymore." -Jon.
"Reality should be a swear word." -Me, getting off the plane from Miami to MN.
"New party rule: no whipped cream spin-art." -Scott.
"You ever feel so anxious that your butt starts sucking in?" -Muse.
"I died this weekend! It was great!" -Me.
"I've got a really easy job now. I get paid more to walk around the store and go, 'Hey look, there's none of 'these' on the shelf.' *BEEP*" -Ben.
"So evidently there is a dead bee named after me. I feel somewhat honored." -Rafi.
I do not like your fucking smack
I do not like your fucking crack
I do not like the drugs you slam
I do not like them, Sam I Am.
"CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at the same time you are!" -My Dad.
"raver pants: delicious, almost as delicious as dead bodies." -Aaron.
"You're practically mormon! Complete with magic underwear!" -Rafi.
"FUK U CAPSLOCK KEY I KILL YOU SO HARD YORU ANCESTORS WILL DIE.
Sorry. My keyboard and I were having... a disagreement. It's ok now. "
-Jon.
Me/Rafi: Your mom.
Rafi/Me: Your mom's face.
Me/Rafi: Your mom's monkey's face.
Rafi + Me: Your mom's tailless albino monkey's face with a bad case of Asperger's staring at Bob Dole's ED!
My Yip-Yip interpretation of PMS:
Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip, Earth book, Earth book... mmm... mmm... oooooooooooh, yipyipyipyipyip PMS. Yipyip, PMS. Yipyipyipyipyip. EEEEEEEK, bitchbitchbitchbitchbitch. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch. Yipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyipyip uhuh uhuh.
News from work:
Someone is having problems with the blood vessels in their penis... after putting dry ice on it. *sigh*
"never had a organism while havin' intercourse"
"If you've been hit hard in your head many times, what are the possible effects?"
"I'm over wraughted. How can I fix this?"