Quotes of the ... well, since the last time they were posted!
"Mrewp sounds like a cat falling into a pond." -Pat.
"Gmail says you're sleeping...but your little online guy here looks like he's sending out telepathic waves. Or his little head is a radio transmitter. " -Ben.
"Anyhow, somehow I wound up in the 'fuck it: all or nothing; risk = gain' state of mind. Otherwise known as 'social.'" -Brian
Mary Jean: What happened to your knee?
Eric: I was chasing a dinosaur.
"Why yes I just did sexualize you chocolate. Thank you for asking." -Pat.
"Poor chocolate. It just wants to be ice cream. And here I am, projecting my sexual tension onto it." -Pat.
Hertzey's attempt at emo poetry:
Oh woe
the world hates me
no one understands how serious this is
for I...
am out of hair gel.
"If I seem unusually clear to you, you must have misunderstood what I said." -Alan Greenspan.
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Pat: Possibilities of that statement:
1. A particularly refreshing soft drink.
2. You are in a soft drink commercial.
3. You are being chased by a dinosaur.
4. You are explaining what castle the Holy Grail is in.
5. You have had a heart attack, and was dictating.
6. A poor transcription of an orgasm.
7. The earth is under attack by aliens.
8. You understand something, in a very drawn-out fashion.
9. You are extremely frustrated.
10. All of the above, in which case I will be very interested in the story.
And Allison, here's a few jokes for you! (And everyone else, too.)
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.
I queried back, "Well then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favoriete brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said, "Well so why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 AM."
I asked, amazed, "Well why in the world then would you be crying?!"
She replied, "Because I can't remember where I live.
Salesman
A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Virginia and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Wisconsin."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$112,237.64."
The boss says, "$112,237.64?! What the heck did you sell?!"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. He said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"
"Gmail says you're sleeping...but your little online guy here looks like he's sending out telepathic waves. Or his little head is a radio transmitter. " -Ben.
"Anyhow, somehow I wound up in the 'fuck it: all or nothing; risk = gain' state of mind. Otherwise known as 'social.'" -Brian
Mary Jean: What happened to your knee?
Eric: I was chasing a dinosaur.
"Why yes I just did sexualize you chocolate. Thank you for asking." -Pat.
"Poor chocolate. It just wants to be ice cream. And here I am, projecting my sexual tension onto it." -Pat.
Hertzey's attempt at emo poetry:
Oh woe
the world hates me
no one understands how serious this is
for I...
am out of hair gel.
"If I seem unusually clear to you, you must have misunderstood what I said." -Alan Greenspan.
Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Pat: Possibilities of that statement:
1. A particularly refreshing soft drink.
2. You are in a soft drink commercial.
3. You are being chased by a dinosaur.
4. You are explaining what castle the Holy Grail is in.
5. You have had a heart attack, and was dictating.
6. A poor transcription of an orgasm.
7. The earth is under attack by aliens.
8. You understand something, in a very drawn-out fashion.
9. You are extremely frustrated.
10. All of the above, in which case I will be very interested in the story.
And Allison, here's a few jokes for you! (And everyone else, too.)
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.
I queried back, "Well then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favoriete brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said, "Well so why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 AM."
I asked, amazed, "Well why in the world then would you be crying?!"
She replied, "Because I can't remember where I live.
Salesman
A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Virginia and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Wisconsin."
Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One."
The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. You're going to have to improve considerably or look for another job! How much was the sale for?"
The kid says, "$112,237.64."
The boss says, "$112,237.64?! What the heck did you sell?!"
Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the lake, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a new bass boat. He said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that new Ford pick-up. I asked him how long he was going to be out at the lake and after he said 5 or 6 days I took him down to the RV department and sold him a slide-in camper for the truck."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat, a truck and a camper?"
Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"