Just keep swimming...
I hate when I wake up before my alarm clocks but what I dislike even more is waking up so stressed out I feel sick to my stomach. *sighs* I really am trying to keep my mind busy and keeping my attitude optimistic when I'm awake but I guess my subconscious wants to work through the negative aspects which means I'm spending a great deal of the night tossing and turning.
My folks feel like they are my foundation right now and I'm so grateful that they are here and are so willing to support me through this especially if the specialist does come back telling me that I have nerve cancer. Ugh every time I think about it I want to cry right now because I don't know the definitive answer yet.
But I can't help wonder as my life is finally improving why it feels like my entire life is being weighed and put on yet another test. I mean I finally have a job where I could be out on my own and live a normal life, I'm making more friends then ever and they are good quality people and I'm loving what I'm doing and now I realize if I do get diagnosed with cancer I may not be able to work and I certainly won't be able to move out because the last thing I will want to do is be doing chemo and be on my own through that...Sometimes I just wonder what God has planned for me and if this is some kind of major pruning and shaping of me for something more.
I just hope I get a call from the specialist today so I can set up an appointment soon so we can cut out the rest of the tissue and nerve and test it. As much as I dread the fact that the results could come up positive for cancer, the sitting and waiting is eating me up inside. This isn't the first time I've had a cancer scare but this is the first time that there has been true physical evidence that something is really wrong.
Well all I can do now is get ready for work and try to do my best there and then come home and get cleaned up to get ready to get my stitches removed this afternoon. I hope today goes well with minimal drama and pain.
My folks feel like they are my foundation right now and I'm so grateful that they are here and are so willing to support me through this especially if the specialist does come back telling me that I have nerve cancer. Ugh every time I think about it I want to cry right now because I don't know the definitive answer yet.
But I can't help wonder as my life is finally improving why it feels like my entire life is being weighed and put on yet another test. I mean I finally have a job where I could be out on my own and live a normal life, I'm making more friends then ever and they are good quality people and I'm loving what I'm doing and now I realize if I do get diagnosed with cancer I may not be able to work and I certainly won't be able to move out because the last thing I will want to do is be doing chemo and be on my own through that...Sometimes I just wonder what God has planned for me and if this is some kind of major pruning and shaping of me for something more.
I just hope I get a call from the specialist today so I can set up an appointment soon so we can cut out the rest of the tissue and nerve and test it. As much as I dread the fact that the results could come up positive for cancer, the sitting and waiting is eating me up inside. This isn't the first time I've had a cancer scare but this is the first time that there has been true physical evidence that something is really wrong.
Well all I can do now is get ready for work and try to do my best there and then come home and get cleaned up to get ready to get my stitches removed this afternoon. I hope today goes well with minimal drama and pain.