Just shoot me
This evening has been utterly miserable and a reminder of my many, many regrets. It started shortly after work when a debt collector for one of my private student loans called. Ugh...as many know I'm struggling with the finances and Sallie Mae decided not to tell me about this particular loan and well let's just say I wound up having to borrow money from my folks, something that makes me ill to my stomach to do.
After dealing with the collector a very and rightfully bitter father I then dealt with a rather severe tongue lashing from him and how my utter irresponsibility and inability to be an adult has proven itself once more. He then had to say that my ability to deal with my mistake and inability to handle my educational debts is only dwarfed in stupidity by marrying Teo and dealing with his foolery for so long.
So yes it was severe and left me feeling like even more of a bitter failure. Then another of my collectors called...one of the ones I'm having to file bankruptcy for as apposed to trying to pay it off. So another reminder of how I have royally fucked up.
Then the cherry on top...I applied for a great job. Even at part time I'd make nearly double what I'm making at JC Penny...somehow I missed the e-mail over a week ago and just found it. They wanted me to come in and because I missed seeing that god damned thing in my box I have no idea if I've lost a job opportunity that I could have easily made into a damned career!
I'm praying to God that they are still looking to fill the position or will have openings again soon. If I could get into it I know I could not only afford to be out on my own but start taking care of my student loans and maybe live my life.
Tonight...tonight has been nothing short of one misery after another.
I wonder will I ever move beyond feeling so foolish and if this feeling of growing bitterness will over fade into something that could resemble happiness...at this rate I feel I have nothing to offer but labor and burden.
God please, please let tomorrow be more forgiving my ego is thoroughly beaten and crushed as is...oh wait I go to see the paralegal...Maybe Thursday...fml.
After dealing with the collector a very and rightfully bitter father I then dealt with a rather severe tongue lashing from him and how my utter irresponsibility and inability to be an adult has proven itself once more. He then had to say that my ability to deal with my mistake and inability to handle my educational debts is only dwarfed in stupidity by marrying Teo and dealing with his foolery for so long.
So yes it was severe and left me feeling like even more of a bitter failure. Then another of my collectors called...one of the ones I'm having to file bankruptcy for as apposed to trying to pay it off. So another reminder of how I have royally fucked up.
Then the cherry on top...I applied for a great job. Even at part time I'd make nearly double what I'm making at JC Penny...somehow I missed the e-mail over a week ago and just found it. They wanted me to come in and because I missed seeing that god damned thing in my box I have no idea if I've lost a job opportunity that I could have easily made into a damned career!
I'm praying to God that they are still looking to fill the position or will have openings again soon. If I could get into it I know I could not only afford to be out on my own but start taking care of my student loans and maybe live my life.
Tonight...tonight has been nothing short of one misery after another.
I wonder will I ever move beyond feeling so foolish and if this feeling of growing bitterness will over fade into something that could resemble happiness...at this rate I feel I have nothing to offer but labor and burden.
God please, please let tomorrow be more forgiving my ego is thoroughly beaten and crushed as is...oh wait I go to see the paralegal...Maybe Thursday...fml.