i feel sick... and angry..
i don't feel so good right now, i'm kinda nauseous... i've been in a bad mood for a while, which is unfortunate, i guess...
after i found out about the endometriosis and the whole 140-pounds thing, i got kinda proactive and lost 3 pounds in a week. but since then i've just been stuffing my face and i'm pretty sure i gained back more than 3 pounds... i know it's my fault, but i'm still upset about it.. i need to stop but i feel like i can't. i've been binge eating every day for more than 2 years, and it's upsetting to know that i weigh almost twice as much now than i did 2 years ago.. i feel like i'm gonna throw up, and i kinda wish i would...
i didn't have to work today, so dean and i put up the xmas tree. why the hell do stores sell christmas ornaments with NO HOOKS???? i don't fucking understand that. we had to drive to wegmans to get some. i'm gonna try and put pics up here. if my SD card will ever load.
we drove to lollypop farm today, pretty sure we were lost and then BOOM there it was. thank god. pretty much right after i said "okay now we're in Egypt". i'm suprised they had no puppies, but i guess those would go fast IF they had them. i felt bad for all the grown up dogs and the cats that looked so sad. if Dean ever let me have a cat, though, i'd rather just bring Xander here. i miss my baby... The smell of the dog cages was so bad, though, i was like choking.
He still hasn't come around to the name "Koga". which i think would be a fuckin awesome name for a yellow lab. But i won't give up. He doesn't have to know the name came from a cartoon i watch (Inuyasha). Doesn't matter where it came from, its a good name for a dog.
this is probably boring, i'm just trying to distract myself. i get so grumpy when we go places lately. i just get angry. it's so easy for me to get angry lately because i'm so miserable about myself... i just wanna scream " I GET IT, YOU'RE THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. I DONT WANT TO SEE IT ANYMORE, GO THE HELL AWAY" at certain people i see... i'd pretty much give anything to be 88 pounds again, right now.
well this was long and probably boring and noone probly even read this far. if u did, then thanks... i guess i'd better go to bed now so i can get up and deal with bitchy people on the phone
after i found out about the endometriosis and the whole 140-pounds thing, i got kinda proactive and lost 3 pounds in a week. but since then i've just been stuffing my face and i'm pretty sure i gained back more than 3 pounds... i know it's my fault, but i'm still upset about it.. i need to stop but i feel like i can't. i've been binge eating every day for more than 2 years, and it's upsetting to know that i weigh almost twice as much now than i did 2 years ago.. i feel like i'm gonna throw up, and i kinda wish i would...
i didn't have to work today, so dean and i put up the xmas tree. why the hell do stores sell christmas ornaments with NO HOOKS???? i don't fucking understand that. we had to drive to wegmans to get some. i'm gonna try and put pics up here. if my SD card will ever load.
we drove to lollypop farm today, pretty sure we were lost and then BOOM there it was. thank god. pretty much right after i said "okay now we're in Egypt". i'm suprised they had no puppies, but i guess those would go fast IF they had them. i felt bad for all the grown up dogs and the cats that looked so sad. if Dean ever let me have a cat, though, i'd rather just bring Xander here. i miss my baby... The smell of the dog cages was so bad, though, i was like choking.
He still hasn't come around to the name "Koga". which i think would be a fuckin awesome name for a yellow lab. But i won't give up. He doesn't have to know the name came from a cartoon i watch (Inuyasha). Doesn't matter where it came from, its a good name for a dog.
this is probably boring, i'm just trying to distract myself. i get so grumpy when we go places lately. i just get angry. it's so easy for me to get angry lately because i'm so miserable about myself... i just wanna scream " I GET IT, YOU'RE THIN AND BEAUTIFUL. I DONT WANT TO SEE IT ANYMORE, GO THE HELL AWAY" at certain people i see... i'd pretty much give anything to be 88 pounds again, right now.
well this was long and probably boring and noone probly even read this far. if u did, then thanks... i guess i'd better go to bed now so i can get up and deal with bitchy people on the phone