(no subject)
so i havent done this for awhile... but i'm just feeling so bummed out right now that i need to get my feelings out. i love my boyfriend...i hate his friends. not even his friends themselves, just the fact that they are always around. and even if they arent physically with him/us they are nearby and could drop by anytime. i live in an apt building with 7. . . SEVEN! . . . ROTC ppl. ok, so that doesnt sound like very much. but now there's one more moving in. and i HATE her. all b/c of this one party where she drunkenly hit on every male that moved in the room... so what right? who doesnt do that at a party...i guess i just got a bad vibe from her. and she's moving in right down the hall from the one ROTC girl who i actually adore, who i consider one of my best friends. but now that she is so close to this SLUT(who she likes...bleh) they will become all buddy buddy and they'll "drop in" on liam all the time and i will just slip away...
i live right below Liam and his roommate. so that means that when i'm not with him i still know if he's around or not...and how many ppl are over...and i hear all the disgusting female laughter and ppl laughing and STOMPING (FUCKING stomping)...i hate this. hate hate hate. i want to move out in march just to get away from liam's apt and all his friends...but i'm worried because i know if i'm further away i will hardly ever see him. please, with all these good drinking buddies around?? i wont have a chance...
so i'm bummed. i hate living here but i hate the thought of moving away. i dont want to jeapordize what i have with liam in any way. somewhere in my mind there's a voice trying to tell me that everything will be fine, that liam loves me and that we have been together for almost 2 years and he will never do anything to hurt me and that being a few miles away wont change anything, we just wont be sleeping together as often...no big deal... but yeah, that voice has a hard time getting through all the other irrational, freaked out ones yelling at the top of their lungs.
writing all this makes me look really dumb. and insecure...and pathetic...and jealous...all of which i'm NOT. i'm confident enough...i dont know why all this apartment stuff/ROTC friends/new slut moving in is bothering me so much. maybe tomorrow morning i will realize something i dont know yet and i'm just getting a premonition. or i will wake up and still feel really dumb for being so ridiculous. ahh...either way, writing about my childish worries is helping. i dont even know if i have any LJ friends anymore so i'm not too worried about ppl reading this. :-P
ahh the ppl upstairs sound like they are having fun...i need to go to sleep. i wish i could do it without calling liam, without going up or making him come down to get my good night kiss. i wish i wasnt so f'ing obsessed with him...then i could go to bed mad like a normal person, in a normal couple...but instead i always have this driving need to be with him and see him and surround myself in his wonderfulness... GAHHHHHH!! good night.
i live right below Liam and his roommate. so that means that when i'm not with him i still know if he's around or not...and how many ppl are over...and i hear all the disgusting female laughter and ppl laughing and STOMPING (FUCKING stomping)...i hate this. hate hate hate. i want to move out in march just to get away from liam's apt and all his friends...but i'm worried because i know if i'm further away i will hardly ever see him. please, with all these good drinking buddies around?? i wont have a chance...
so i'm bummed. i hate living here but i hate the thought of moving away. i dont want to jeapordize what i have with liam in any way. somewhere in my mind there's a voice trying to tell me that everything will be fine, that liam loves me and that we have been together for almost 2 years and he will never do anything to hurt me and that being a few miles away wont change anything, we just wont be sleeping together as often...no big deal... but yeah, that voice has a hard time getting through all the other irrational, freaked out ones yelling at the top of their lungs.
writing all this makes me look really dumb. and insecure...and pathetic...and jealous...all of which i'm NOT. i'm confident enough...i dont know why all this apartment stuff/ROTC friends/new slut moving in is bothering me so much. maybe tomorrow morning i will realize something i dont know yet and i'm just getting a premonition. or i will wake up and still feel really dumb for being so ridiculous. ahh...either way, writing about my childish worries is helping. i dont even know if i have any LJ friends anymore so i'm not too worried about ppl reading this. :-P
ahh the ppl upstairs sound like they are having fun...i need to go to sleep. i wish i could do it without calling liam, without going up or making him come down to get my good night kiss. i wish i wasnt so f'ing obsessed with him...then i could go to bed mad like a normal person, in a normal couple...but instead i always have this driving need to be with him and see him and surround myself in his wonderfulness... GAHHHHHH!! good night.