5x16 - 5x21, plus about 20 seconds into 5x22
Well, I did it. I marathoned as far as I could bear it. And this happened...
...over and over and over and over.
OH MY GOD. Why is every episode now about The Parallel? It's one of my biggest pet peeves, a serious jump-the-shark challenge of my viewing patience. Sure, the series revolves around its protagonists, but the world in-universe and its vast host of characters shouldn't. Not when they aren't the last remaining colony of whatever society and/or when the story is actually about things far above their pay grade, rather than about who's dating whom. It never feels honest to me. It's like in those movies where aliens attack Earth and cities in Europe or Asia are blown up off-screen but everything Important happens in the US and is handled by the US and is triumphed over by the US. The world is bigger than that, show.
And why are they all acting seven? Whatever happened to the characterization in S4, the sense of them being adults now removed from their familiar dynamic and having to learn to be with each other as distinct individuals? Relationships are sometimes clumsy, static, two-steps-forward-one-step back things to endure, but that doesn't mean the storytelling has to be. Why is everyone acting so snot-nosed wangsty this season??? I mean, come on. What, Sam still has to learn to Regret His Independence and Appreciate Dean Enough? And Dean still has to learn to Let Sam Grow Up and Stop Being So Damn Needy? Forget hell and enduring tragedy and loss, dealing with the aftermath of the worst decisions of your life. No, the real test of character is..... Growing The Hell Up! Oh, and not to forget that Sam Is Happier When He Is Away and that Dean Has Tragic Self-Esteem Issues. And certainly, last but never least, that Family Is Actually Everything. Specifically, the Winchester family, who is actually everything to the whole universe. Yeah, I took care to make a note of these points as I watched, as they just might bring these points up again in a future episode. (Also noted: Cas is Pure Awesome Sauce, but as the only sentiment worthy of S5's tiresome use of the bold font effect, naturally that was the only thing not being shouted in my face, so BOO. Misha kicked that last scene in the ass. ♥) But back to the main plot which revolves around the whole world revolving around the Winchesters... Let me guess: the finale will contain 1) Dean Treating Sam Like An Adult For The First Time Ever, and 2) Sam Showing Dean How Much He Loves Him. Emphasis not mine. And Cas being Pure Awesome Sauce, to hell with the bold font. Am I wrong?
So, yeah. Well acted by Jensen and Misha in particular, but my god, that was like nails on chalkboard. And I'm not convinced Douche Yoda wasn't behind it, since everyone was saying "Say yes!"
Which leads me to the next one, and yay, Daniel Jackson! ♥ Very underused. I object! But oh, okay. "On a good day, you get to kill a whore." Really? Yeah, stay classy, show. Oh, but look, some random kid died and the boys got another angst notch on their belts. It's the small things in life they treasure. \o/ I had very little feeling for this episode aside from Cas being even more depressed than Dean and somehow remaining the only character of the main four that doesn't need to write I will not be a child today a hundred times on the whiteboard. Oh, but Lisa! ♥ Wow, random.
Now I feel bad saying this because a number of you have expressed love for 5x18 but honestly, okay? Just honestly? I had absolutely no patience for it. I wanted Dean to just say yes already and give Jensen a chance to be someone other than S5 Dean. I wanted Sam to just stop talking ffs because everyone's just all talk and talk lately, all of this redundant stew of mea culpas and "don't leave me this way" that is all fundamentally self-serving when you get down to it. I wanted Bobby to fuck off with Adam somewhere because the last thing I wanted was for yet another two non-Sam/Dean characters to join in the godawful parallels about Family and Blood and OH MY GOD, SHOW, WOULD YOU JUST STOP? I call bullshit on Cas only beating Dean up. Sam needed a go, too. Hell, throw in Bobby for good measure. Even Cas beating up Dean and Sam being Mr. Togetherness Woobie felt like the brothers being reduced to Acceptable Personality Targets again, and I won't go on about that but ugh, is it ever a pet peeve of mine. Even the Very Meaningful Moments the boys had felt so much like someone sat there thinking, This is what a Good Brother would say in this circumstance. And this is what a Good Brother Who Is Hurting would say in this circumstance. And this is how Love Wins The Day. Let it be known that I never put syrup on my pancakes. I can't stand syrup. Imagine Luke reacting to Darth Vader's confession. That is my Big No to syrup.
Then the godawfulness continued with whatever the ignorant fuck that episode was that followed it, and you know...? I can't believe this is the same show that put together S4. I just can't. The sense of characterization building on history and experience, the sense of plot building because of choices the characters make, the sense of it all mattering because it all came from somewhere... it's just all gone. It's like S5 came and they suddenly recalled issues covered in S1/S2 and said, Hey, there's still some meat on this horse! Now's our chance to beat it into the ground, with Meaningful Parallels and gusto!
But wait! It gets even worse with 5x20 and what the hell...? Why is this even happening? Whatever happened to YED? Jessica and all of his frat friends were also just pawns in the Big Plan? But of course they were. What's good for Mary is good for Jessica. OMG, MAKE IT STOP. I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THIS WHATSOEVER. But, oh look. Dean Let Sam Grow Up A Little, which is well and good because Sam Is A Good Man. I might have missed that if I wasn't paying attention. The show fails so hard making me weary of watching Mark Sheppard. That is also a BIG NO, people.
5x21 had ONE enjoyable scene, by the grace of charming actors having great comic timing, and ONE potentially very good scene that ended up plowing full steam off the rails because EVEN DEATH WANTS DEAN TO LET SAM GROW UP??? OH. MY. GOD. MAKE. IT. STOP. I can't take it. I can't take it. Oh, look! Bobby is spelling it all out for us. THANK YOU FOR PLAYING, BOBBY SINGER. And where have you been for the past four seasons? You might have noticed a rather large man lounging about being useful in dangerous situations now and again. This isn't Bobby. It's Zombie Bobby from some off-screen wtfuckery in 5x15. That is the only explanation. Oh my god, why are they taking so much time and effort to spell out something that hasn't even been an issue for the past four seasons, only now it's such a Big Issue that Heaven and Hell and Chaotic Neutral all are invested in making sure the boys grow up???? What is this show on?
I thought it couldn't get worse. Then I remembered what someone said about the finale.
And then it happened.
Then Chuck happened. With voiceover.
Dragging the Impala into this fuckery.
And just... just.......
Tell me I'm wrong. Please. Please tell me if I'd kept watching that fucking Chuck was not going to narrate the history of the Impala. Tell me I did not hear his voice dragging the poor Impala into this DEAD AND DONE AND BEATEN TO BLOOD ON THE GROUND It's A Small (Winchester) World After All horse, but that was just the echoes of the past three or four discs ringing in my ears from all the anvils. Tell me the show did not end this season on the boys' prophet and author fucking avatar Chuck literally spelling out the Theme of Winchester Family Relationships for us. Please tell me that did not happen.
I can't watch anymore. I can't stand anymore. What the hell happened to this show???
All that said, some scenes from these episodes do stand out in a good way. The opening scene, the first "heaven" scene and the last scene of 5x16 were beautifully done (too bad about the S1 retread that went on in between). The Lisa and Dean scene was just the right touch of creeped out and compassionate; I can see why he places her on this pedestal in his dreams, although I get the sense he didn't see her quite that way until he saw she had a son who he could dream of as his own. Cas drinking a liquor store and everything that came of it: ♥ I like the context of all of the Cas and Dean stuff in 5x18, although the execution felt sometimes clumsy and over-eager. I hated too much about 5x19 to care about it, although I initially liked the Gabriel/Dean scene in the car but it quickly lost me again because naturally every conversation the boys have with anyone is about Doom and Destiny and Family and Being A Good Brother. UGH. Same thing with the Death scene, which started out amazing but derailed at the end. The only scene I liked without issue in the last disc was the post-titles 5x21 scene of Bobby, Dean and Sam and the phone call to Cas, mostly because Jensen was so adorable in that scene and Cas/Dean is always ♥. And about the actors in the second half of the seasons, I appreciate everyone's efforts but I have to say that Jensen has really kept me going despite all of this that pushes me away. I keep mentioning it, and I said it in an email, but the way he manages to keep Dean internally consistent through the worst, most haphazard season of all when his character is being put through the heaviest emotional roller coaster with a fuck all sense of rhyme and reason... it's rather amazing. The Olympics of Serial TV Acting.
I'm just going to have to watch this season again years later. Maybe it will sit better with me in retrospect, the way I was finally able to appreciate what there was to appreciate in Croatoan without letting pet peeves stop me this time (although Hunted remains a Big No). I dunno. I confess, somewhere into disc 5--it was either 5x17 or 5x18--I started imagining the Peanuts parent-speak wah wah wah whenever any of these characters started to have a Tearful Or Otherwise Important Conversation. I can't take it seriously. The good news is, I can now better take S4 as a moment of grace standalone because this feels like a completely different show. I can still watch S4 + 5x04 and it is so perfect. None of this can take that away.
Spoil me for the rest of the finale. Which one of them dies? I'm guessing one of them does, probably Sam since it was Dean last time and the whole Let Sam Grow Up thing that Dean apparently has to learn, not to mention they can finally leave that poor Sam Is Better Than The Evil In Him horse alone, because after S1-S5 of "IS SAM GOING TO BECOME EVIL?!?!", that might be the least recognizable horse of all. I kind of hope Dean goes out, as well, and Bobby, leaving Cas to go back in time to be young Mary's secret guardian/companion. I'd watch that show.
But fine. You are not going to keep me from S6, show. You've had your fun with the boys. Now give them back.
...over and over and over and over.
OH MY GOD. Why is every episode now about The Parallel? It's one of my biggest pet peeves, a serious jump-the-shark challenge of my viewing patience. Sure, the series revolves around its protagonists, but the world in-universe and its vast host of characters shouldn't. Not when they aren't the last remaining colony of whatever society and/or when the story is actually about things far above their pay grade, rather than about who's dating whom. It never feels honest to me. It's like in those movies where aliens attack Earth and cities in Europe or Asia are blown up off-screen but everything Important happens in the US and is handled by the US and is triumphed over by the US. The world is bigger than that, show.
And why are they all acting seven? Whatever happened to the characterization in S4, the sense of them being adults now removed from their familiar dynamic and having to learn to be with each other as distinct individuals? Relationships are sometimes clumsy, static, two-steps-forward-one-step back things to endure, but that doesn't mean the storytelling has to be. Why is everyone acting so snot-nosed wangsty this season??? I mean, come on. What, Sam still has to learn to Regret His Independence and Appreciate Dean Enough? And Dean still has to learn to Let Sam Grow Up and Stop Being So Damn Needy? Forget hell and enduring tragedy and loss, dealing with the aftermath of the worst decisions of your life. No, the real test of character is..... Growing The Hell Up! Oh, and not to forget that Sam Is Happier When He Is Away and that Dean Has Tragic Self-Esteem Issues. And certainly, last but never least, that Family Is Actually Everything. Specifically, the Winchester family, who is actually everything to the whole universe. Yeah, I took care to make a note of these points as I watched, as they just might bring these points up again in a future episode. (Also noted: Cas is Pure Awesome Sauce, but as the only sentiment worthy of S5's tiresome use of the bold font effect, naturally that was the only thing not being shouted in my face, so BOO. Misha kicked that last scene in the ass. ♥) But back to the main plot which revolves around the whole world revolving around the Winchesters... Let me guess: the finale will contain 1) Dean Treating Sam Like An Adult For The First Time Ever, and 2) Sam Showing Dean How Much He Loves Him. Emphasis not mine. And Cas being Pure Awesome Sauce, to hell with the bold font. Am I wrong?
So, yeah. Well acted by Jensen and Misha in particular, but my god, that was like nails on chalkboard. And I'm not convinced Douche Yoda wasn't behind it, since everyone was saying "Say yes!"
Which leads me to the next one, and yay, Daniel Jackson! ♥ Very underused. I object! But oh, okay. "On a good day, you get to kill a whore." Really? Yeah, stay classy, show. Oh, but look, some random kid died and the boys got another angst notch on their belts. It's the small things in life they treasure. \o/ I had very little feeling for this episode aside from Cas being even more depressed than Dean and somehow remaining the only character of the main four that doesn't need to write I will not be a child today a hundred times on the whiteboard. Oh, but Lisa! ♥ Wow, random.
Now I feel bad saying this because a number of you have expressed love for 5x18 but honestly, okay? Just honestly? I had absolutely no patience for it. I wanted Dean to just say yes already and give Jensen a chance to be someone other than S5 Dean. I wanted Sam to just stop talking ffs because everyone's just all talk and talk lately, all of this redundant stew of mea culpas and "don't leave me this way" that is all fundamentally self-serving when you get down to it. I wanted Bobby to fuck off with Adam somewhere because the last thing I wanted was for yet another two non-Sam/Dean characters to join in the godawful parallels about Family and Blood and OH MY GOD, SHOW, WOULD YOU JUST STOP? I call bullshit on Cas only beating Dean up. Sam needed a go, too. Hell, throw in Bobby for good measure. Even Cas beating up Dean and Sam being Mr. Togetherness Woobie felt like the brothers being reduced to Acceptable Personality Targets again, and I won't go on about that but ugh, is it ever a pet peeve of mine. Even the Very Meaningful Moments the boys had felt so much like someone sat there thinking, This is what a Good Brother would say in this circumstance. And this is what a Good Brother Who Is Hurting would say in this circumstance. And this is how Love Wins The Day. Let it be known that I never put syrup on my pancakes. I can't stand syrup. Imagine Luke reacting to Darth Vader's confession. That is my Big No to syrup.
Then the godawfulness continued with whatever the ignorant fuck that episode was that followed it, and you know...? I can't believe this is the same show that put together S4. I just can't. The sense of characterization building on history and experience, the sense of plot building because of choices the characters make, the sense of it all mattering because it all came from somewhere... it's just all gone. It's like S5 came and they suddenly recalled issues covered in S1/S2 and said, Hey, there's still some meat on this horse! Now's our chance to beat it into the ground, with Meaningful Parallels and gusto!
But wait! It gets even worse with 5x20 and what the hell...? Why is this even happening? Whatever happened to YED? Jessica and all of his frat friends were also just pawns in the Big Plan? But of course they were. What's good for Mary is good for Jessica. OMG, MAKE IT STOP. I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THIS WHATSOEVER. But, oh look. Dean Let Sam Grow Up A Little, which is well and good because Sam Is A Good Man. I might have missed that if I wasn't paying attention. The show fails so hard making me weary of watching Mark Sheppard. That is also a BIG NO, people.
5x21 had ONE enjoyable scene, by the grace of charming actors having great comic timing, and ONE potentially very good scene that ended up plowing full steam off the rails because EVEN DEATH WANTS DEAN TO LET SAM GROW UP??? OH. MY. GOD. MAKE. IT. STOP. I can't take it. I can't take it. Oh, look! Bobby is spelling it all out for us. THANK YOU FOR PLAYING, BOBBY SINGER. And where have you been for the past four seasons? You might have noticed a rather large man lounging about being useful in dangerous situations now and again. This isn't Bobby. It's Zombie Bobby from some off-screen wtfuckery in 5x15. That is the only explanation. Oh my god, why are they taking so much time and effort to spell out something that hasn't even been an issue for the past four seasons, only now it's such a Big Issue that Heaven and Hell and Chaotic Neutral all are invested in making sure the boys grow up???? What is this show on?
I thought it couldn't get worse. Then I remembered what someone said about the finale.
And then it happened.
Then Chuck happened. With voiceover.
Dragging the Impala into this fuckery.
And just... just.......
Click to viewTell me I'm wrong. Please. Please tell me if I'd kept watching that fucking Chuck was not going to narrate the history of the Impala. Tell me I did not hear his voice dragging the poor Impala into this DEAD AND DONE AND BEATEN TO BLOOD ON THE GROUND It's A Small (Winchester) World After All horse, but that was just the echoes of the past three or four discs ringing in my ears from all the anvils. Tell me the show did not end this season on the boys' prophet and author fucking avatar Chuck literally spelling out the Theme of Winchester Family Relationships for us. Please tell me that did not happen.
I can't watch anymore. I can't stand anymore. What the hell happened to this show???
All that said, some scenes from these episodes do stand out in a good way. The opening scene, the first "heaven" scene and the last scene of 5x16 were beautifully done (too bad about the S1 retread that went on in between). The Lisa and Dean scene was just the right touch of creeped out and compassionate; I can see why he places her on this pedestal in his dreams, although I get the sense he didn't see her quite that way until he saw she had a son who he could dream of as his own. Cas drinking a liquor store and everything that came of it: ♥ I like the context of all of the Cas and Dean stuff in 5x18, although the execution felt sometimes clumsy and over-eager. I hated too much about 5x19 to care about it, although I initially liked the Gabriel/Dean scene in the car but it quickly lost me again because naturally every conversation the boys have with anyone is about Doom and Destiny and Family and Being A Good Brother. UGH. Same thing with the Death scene, which started out amazing but derailed at the end. The only scene I liked without issue in the last disc was the post-titles 5x21 scene of Bobby, Dean and Sam and the phone call to Cas, mostly because Jensen was so adorable in that scene and Cas/Dean is always ♥. And about the actors in the second half of the seasons, I appreciate everyone's efforts but I have to say that Jensen has really kept me going despite all of this that pushes me away. I keep mentioning it, and I said it in an email, but the way he manages to keep Dean internally consistent through the worst, most haphazard season of all when his character is being put through the heaviest emotional roller coaster with a fuck all sense of rhyme and reason... it's rather amazing. The Olympics of Serial TV Acting.
I'm just going to have to watch this season again years later. Maybe it will sit better with me in retrospect, the way I was finally able to appreciate what there was to appreciate in Croatoan without letting pet peeves stop me this time (although Hunted remains a Big No). I dunno. I confess, somewhere into disc 5--it was either 5x17 or 5x18--I started imagining the Peanuts parent-speak wah wah wah whenever any of these characters started to have a Tearful Or Otherwise Important Conversation. I can't take it seriously. The good news is, I can now better take S4 as a moment of grace standalone because this feels like a completely different show. I can still watch S4 + 5x04 and it is so perfect. None of this can take that away.
Spoil me for the rest of the finale. Which one of them dies? I'm guessing one of them does, probably Sam since it was Dean last time and the whole Let Sam Grow Up thing that Dean apparently has to learn, not to mention they can finally leave that poor Sam Is Better Than The Evil In Him horse alone, because after S1-S5 of "IS SAM GOING TO BECOME EVIL?!?!", that might be the least recognizable horse of all. I kind of hope Dean goes out, as well, and Bobby, leaving Cas to go back in time to be young Mary's secret guardian/companion. I'd watch that show.
But fine. You are not going to keep me from S6, show. You've had your fun with the boys. Now give them back.