Ash Ritual 3-7-07
I am sitting down to type, having just finished a ritual I began around half an hour ago. I did not have a real format or focus beyond focusing on healing the rift in my heart. I went almost completely (I did banishing and LBRPs at the beginning of the ritual) on instinct, and what my Higher Self told me to do.
So I lit many candles in the room, and lit the aromatherapy oil holder’s candle and put some sandalwood in it. I blessed and cleansed myself and the room by holy saltwater. In the cauldron burner, I placed Lavender, Frankincense, Myrrh and Sage into the mortar and pestle, ground them together and then put the mix on a lit charcoal disk, after which I took it around the area to cleanse the space. Starting to lose focus on my Higher Self and the ritual, I started thinking negative thoughts. So, with a sage and sweetgrass bundle I purified myself and drove the thoughts away, telling myself that I was a good person worthy of all the love any one could give. I continued the ritual, letting the herbs burn in the burner, concentrating on self-healing, self-love, and helping fill the deep wound in my heart. It is an ongoing process, and hopefully, this ritual will help with my sleeplessness attributed to my separation from my mate, by reminding myself I am worth something.
As I concentrated and visualized self-healing, self-love and filling the wound in my heart with love, my Higher Self told me to take the ashes of the burn herbs, especially the sage bundle, and mix them with holy water. I did so, and ground the ash and water into a slick mixture. Then, my Highest Self told me to make meaningful symbols on my arms, hands, forehead and the back of my neck.
On the insides of my hands I drew pentagrams for balance of the 5 elements, bringing spirituality and helping me, through it, rise above my mundane troubles. The pentacle represents also, to me, the Goddess and my Anima, hidden from others but no more and no less important than what I put out for the world to see. Perhaps it, too, symbolizes my inner heart, trying to experience the spirit transcending or rising with the body to new experiences.
On the backs of my hands I drew crucifixes, to remind myself of the trials I had gone through, to remind myself of where I have come from spiritually and not to give up the lessons I have learned, and that though I follow another path the Love of Christ (whether it be a spiritual or formerly-physical, both or neither Being) has not and will not leave me. It is also a reminder that to use the Catholic Magick I grew up with is neither bad nor should it be something I hide. I am who I am, an amalgamation of all the experiences I have had, and will have. This may be, the God in the way the pentacle was the Goddess, transcending the pains, trials and loves and joys of mortal life and rising into a new understanding of Self and the world around me through
On the insides of both arms just beneath the wrists I drew equal-armed crosses for balance, blessings, the blessings of ancestors, the cyclical nature of life, the reminder that my energy affects others and needs to be balanced before I release it.
On my forehead I drew another pentagram, for the same reasons as I did for the inside of my hand, but even more so, I drew it to reflect my path of understanding myself, the world, my spiritual life, and my spiritual journey. I drew it because it felt good, because in this position it combined the imagery of my hands (though, yes, I used the pentagrams on the insides of my hands) and because it was a sign to me that I could continue to go on, even in pain and anger. That I could be more with each moment...
The symbols drawn, I laid down and breathed in the Divinity of the symbols, the clearing breaths and exhaling the pained and mean feelings and negativity. I did this for a while, until I lost count and I started to drift, just breathing, relaxing...
When I felt I was done, I concluded the ritual with a prayer of thanks, and made a libation to the Goddess, the God and the One Spirit. I felt at peace as I blew the candles out, and still do, even as I carefully type over my ash-covered palms. I am alright, and I may repeat or do something similar to this ritual to help me cope with or deal with the pain I am going through right now.