People are options too
Sigh. Things have not been good on the Nat front. While Meghan was here I had such high hopes and things were going well and then, well, they crashed. To preface this little tale, read this (http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2009/05/43286/dating-with-a-deadline/) article if you have time. It was written by a girl I know at NU and s so moving, pretty much summarizes how I feel right now.
Wednesday night Nat came over and things were tense since I had a bad day at work (though pretty much everyday is a bad day since I have to sit here 9-6 with basically nothing to do. I hate journalism school). Somehow we ended up on the topic of how our relationship is going. Nat revealed that he wants to sleep with other people, but then after 15 minutes of deliberation decided that wasn't a good idea. He is all talk, he just has to play this emotionless macho man and it is exhausting. He said that he's avoided hanging out with me lately because I pressure him to have sex and he's worried he won't perform because he's stressed. We do it once a week, twice max, and he feels pressured? But yet he wants to sleep with other people?
Meghan pointed this out, and he finally admitted it. He is so stressed and scared about the future. Because he has latent TB (not contagious, he doesn't know where he got it from) and is hurt (shoulders...he just had cortizone shots in them. He will have to go to FL for training (1 year) in either October or Jan, he's not sure. The Navy hasn't told him yet. We're dancing around the idea of staying together for the summer and before he leaves since he'll be in Chicago or Omaha before training, which are close. But he won't even entertain the idea that we could make it work while he's in the Navy. He said something like "I mean who actually meets someone they're going to be with for a while when they're 20? that's so ridiculous" and acts like college isn't "real life." It is real life. Every day is real life. I am real life. I don't even know what the point is of getting in even deeper if he won't even try. It's stupid to not even open yourself up to the possibility that you might meet someone special at any age. I'm tired of hearing that I'm his best friend/amazing etc. and then he's willing to throw me away because it'll be hard.
If I'm so special and important and your best friend, why is it so easy to throw me away?
Wednesday night Nat came over and things were tense since I had a bad day at work (though pretty much everyday is a bad day since I have to sit here 9-6 with basically nothing to do. I hate journalism school). Somehow we ended up on the topic of how our relationship is going. Nat revealed that he wants to sleep with other people, but then after 15 minutes of deliberation decided that wasn't a good idea. He is all talk, he just has to play this emotionless macho man and it is exhausting. He said that he's avoided hanging out with me lately because I pressure him to have sex and he's worried he won't perform because he's stressed. We do it once a week, twice max, and he feels pressured? But yet he wants to sleep with other people?
Meghan pointed this out, and he finally admitted it. He is so stressed and scared about the future. Because he has latent TB (not contagious, he doesn't know where he got it from) and is hurt (shoulders...he just had cortizone shots in them. He will have to go to FL for training (1 year) in either October or Jan, he's not sure. The Navy hasn't told him yet. We're dancing around the idea of staying together for the summer and before he leaves since he'll be in Chicago or Omaha before training, which are close. But he won't even entertain the idea that we could make it work while he's in the Navy. He said something like "I mean who actually meets someone they're going to be with for a while when they're 20? that's so ridiculous" and acts like college isn't "real life." It is real life. Every day is real life. I am real life. I don't even know what the point is of getting in even deeper if he won't even try. It's stupid to not even open yourself up to the possibility that you might meet someone special at any age. I'm tired of hearing that I'm his best friend/amazing etc. and then he's willing to throw me away because it'll be hard.
If I'm so special and important and your best friend, why is it so easy to throw me away?