Jury Duty
I have been super busy.
Lots of stuff going on. Lots of doctor stuff. And rides not working out. And trying to figure out jury duty (it is NOT going well; I haven't heard anything and I am this close to just filling out the late form and asking to be excused.) Today, I called some human rights place to ask for help and all the woman could ask was if I could be excused, and just get excused. But I want to do it. Yes, I'm crazy.
Why in the hell would I call a human rights place without exhausting all my other options? It's so maddening to be treated like I have an IQ of 10 everywhere I ask for help. And people wonder why I hate to ask for help!
R does it to me all the time. She is always condescending to me. Her view is he right one. Usually, I just smile and nod, but all we do is go over job postings and with all my transportation issues I feel we could be more productive (I've always felt that way (I can look at job postings on my own.) Last week her and her mother ganged up on me about what I want to do in a job. It is hard for me to say stuff, especially when I feel threatened, but I tried. R's mom was like it sounds like you want to be an administrative assistant? And I said, "No, I want more automany than that." And she started telling me that I couldn't -- and I started crying in frustration because they wanted to know what I wanted and when i tell them I just get more can'ts. Not only that, they make me feel dumb and crazy.
I've noticed when people expect certain behaviors from me, I'm more inclined to do it. I cry sometimes because I feel the expectation of it. When people expect me to be dumb. I act like it. I feel sad and depressed because everyone tells me I should be. The crying is fustration because I can't get anyone to belive me. And I'm mad
Ugh.
And I re-scheduled my heart doctor appintment, June 2nd. I guess it is good he has so many patients. Right?
And I re-scheduled the dentist.
And I bought a book light. I think I'm straining my eyes again, reading in poor light. Maybe it'll save the eyesigght. I just started A Separate Peace last night. Loved the first chapter. Very well written.
I love facebook! I keep finding old, dear friends! And some new ones. And the ones that won't add me? That's their loss.
I also spent the day going through old emails. It made me sad. :(
Lots of stuff going on. Lots of doctor stuff. And rides not working out. And trying to figure out jury duty (it is NOT going well; I haven't heard anything and I am this close to just filling out the late form and asking to be excused.) Today, I called some human rights place to ask for help and all the woman could ask was if I could be excused, and just get excused. But I want to do it. Yes, I'm crazy.
Why in the hell would I call a human rights place without exhausting all my other options? It's so maddening to be treated like I have an IQ of 10 everywhere I ask for help. And people wonder why I hate to ask for help!
R does it to me all the time. She is always condescending to me. Her view is he right one. Usually, I just smile and nod, but all we do is go over job postings and with all my transportation issues I feel we could be more productive (I've always felt that way (I can look at job postings on my own.) Last week her and her mother ganged up on me about what I want to do in a job. It is hard for me to say stuff, especially when I feel threatened, but I tried. R's mom was like it sounds like you want to be an administrative assistant? And I said, "No, I want more automany than that." And she started telling me that I couldn't -- and I started crying in frustration because they wanted to know what I wanted and when i tell them I just get more can'ts. Not only that, they make me feel dumb and crazy.
I've noticed when people expect certain behaviors from me, I'm more inclined to do it. I cry sometimes because I feel the expectation of it. When people expect me to be dumb. I act like it. I feel sad and depressed because everyone tells me I should be. The crying is fustration because I can't get anyone to belive me. And I'm mad
Ugh.
And I re-scheduled my heart doctor appintment, June 2nd. I guess it is good he has so many patients. Right?
And I re-scheduled the dentist.
And I bought a book light. I think I'm straining my eyes again, reading in poor light. Maybe it'll save the eyesigght. I just started A Separate Peace last night. Loved the first chapter. Very well written.
I love facebook! I keep finding old, dear friends! And some new ones. And the ones that won't add me? That's their loss.
I also spent the day going through old emails. It made me sad. :(