Gah
I feel as though I have been doing myself a disservice by not writing in my blog... but even so, I'm pretty tired right now, and so probably won't write a whole lot right now.
Ultimately, the thing that's most heavily on my mind right now is the guy I've been spending time with. It's not easy for me to connect with people in general, most of the time, so it's important when I do. And over the last couple of months, I have. This is somebody I first met over a year ago, spoke to intermittently, managed to meet with a couple of times... but this summer, circumstances allowed us to spend substantially more time together, and we seemed to click. I wouldn't even say we seemed to click. We did click.
He's wonderful. I told him so, too, one night. I was very drunk at the time... but hell, if you ever want to know how I really feel, asking me while I'm inebriated is the best time to get a straight answer. I've made a couple of gestures as I've been able, to reinforce that I meant it, and to sort of express my gratitude for his being who he is.
He has been consistently wonderful to me. He has done more things for me, whether little things or... not-so-little things, which have been more than I would even expect from, say, my parents. I'm not really hesitant even to admit that I have been falling for him.
But this week, all of the sudden, I sent him a text message, and his response said something to the effect that it had been a weird day. It turned out that he was in some sort of bummed out funk because he'd learned that his best friend will be moving away to New Jersey. And he confessed that he had been considering making a change and moving away as well now, whether it be to New Jersey as well, or as he mentioned later, perhaps Kentucky or Virginia.
Now who's in a funk? That would be me. It's not as though anything is set in stone, but the thought of him leaving now hurts me. He said something about needing to do things for himself sometimes, that he does things for others all the time. And so, I put it straight out there, in words, rather than in little actions, "You should do things you want to do. But you may have noticed that I like you... kinda a lot, actually... so this one's an idea I obviously am not going to like. Of course, it's not like I'd be happy if you were miserable, but ... you know..."
All he said in response to that was, "I know."
I guess I'm a little confused. His actions would indicate that he likes me. But he's thinking about leaving. Obviously, I like him. And I'm thinking about him leaving. And that, understandably, I'm sure, bothers me. I don't want to see him go. But I know I can't tell him to stay. I can't ask him to stay. I won't beg him to stay... but I sure as hell hope he'll change his mind and stay.
But much as a Taurus should be, he's stubborn. If he sets his mind to doing this, he's going to do it, come hell or high water. I don't know that I should have any optimism in this. I feel as though optimism may well be futile. I have a feeling that it's just another of those situations in which I am simply going to lose. Typical.
It's now 3am, and methinks I should be getting some sleep. I've already prattled on longer than I intended to.
Ultimately, the thing that's most heavily on my mind right now is the guy I've been spending time with. It's not easy for me to connect with people in general, most of the time, so it's important when I do. And over the last couple of months, I have. This is somebody I first met over a year ago, spoke to intermittently, managed to meet with a couple of times... but this summer, circumstances allowed us to spend substantially more time together, and we seemed to click. I wouldn't even say we seemed to click. We did click.
He's wonderful. I told him so, too, one night. I was very drunk at the time... but hell, if you ever want to know how I really feel, asking me while I'm inebriated is the best time to get a straight answer. I've made a couple of gestures as I've been able, to reinforce that I meant it, and to sort of express my gratitude for his being who he is.
He has been consistently wonderful to me. He has done more things for me, whether little things or... not-so-little things, which have been more than I would even expect from, say, my parents. I'm not really hesitant even to admit that I have been falling for him.
But this week, all of the sudden, I sent him a text message, and his response said something to the effect that it had been a weird day. It turned out that he was in some sort of bummed out funk because he'd learned that his best friend will be moving away to New Jersey. And he confessed that he had been considering making a change and moving away as well now, whether it be to New Jersey as well, or as he mentioned later, perhaps Kentucky or Virginia.
Now who's in a funk? That would be me. It's not as though anything is set in stone, but the thought of him leaving now hurts me. He said something about needing to do things for himself sometimes, that he does things for others all the time. And so, I put it straight out there, in words, rather than in little actions, "You should do things you want to do. But you may have noticed that I like you... kinda a lot, actually... so this one's an idea I obviously am not going to like. Of course, it's not like I'd be happy if you were miserable, but ... you know..."
All he said in response to that was, "I know."
I guess I'm a little confused. His actions would indicate that he likes me. But he's thinking about leaving. Obviously, I like him. And I'm thinking about him leaving. And that, understandably, I'm sure, bothers me. I don't want to see him go. But I know I can't tell him to stay. I can't ask him to stay. I won't beg him to stay... but I sure as hell hope he'll change his mind and stay.
But much as a Taurus should be, he's stubborn. If he sets his mind to doing this, he's going to do it, come hell or high water. I don't know that I should have any optimism in this. I feel as though optimism may well be futile. I have a feeling that it's just another of those situations in which I am simply going to lose. Typical.
It's now 3am, and methinks I should be getting some sleep. I've already prattled on longer than I intended to.