It's Your Song That Sets Me Free - Puck/Rachel - R - Part Twelve [1/2]
Title: It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Hold On)
Category: Glee
Genre: Tragedy/Angst/Romance
Ship: Rachel/Puck
Rating: NC17/R
Warning(s): Coarse/Sexual Language, Sexual Content, Themes of Depression, Substance Abuse, Character Death, Suicidal Themes
Word Count: 9,637
Summary: Rachel Berry had no idea what events would transpire that day. How standing up for someone she didn't know would eventually lead to tragedy. And Noah Puckerman was the unfortunate boy who had to deal with the aftermath; only he had no idea how. And coping was never his strong suit.
Previous: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,
dhfreak
It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Hold On)
-Novel-
XII.
Some time around five am, Puck gave up trying to sleep. It just wasn't in the cards for him. He kept dreaming of her, but when he got close she was pulled away or he kept reaching and the space between them just got bigger and bigger. He was tired and his eyes stung with exhaustion, but he sat up, his head hung, hands rubbing at his face. His fingers trailed up and found the prickly growth of his hair coming in. He usually kept it shaved down; he used to get his ma to do it but then Rachel wanted a go, and well, he was always shit at saying no to her…
Rachel was eying him with that thoughtful look on her face and it wasn't one he usually liked. In fact, it'd gotten in him in some shit over the years. See, when Rachel got to thinking, it usually meant he had to do something and with his luck it was never anything fun. Or, okay, that wasn't true. There were those few times when she looked like that and they sexed it up in random places, like the choir room and back stage of the auditorium. He smirked; good times! But since she was half-naked and they'd already spent half the morning fooling around all over his very empty house - his ma took his sister out of town for some girl time or something - he was pretty sure she wasn't planning their next sexscapade. And to tell the truth, he was a little sore - she was seriously bendy! - so he was kind of hoping Puckasaurus could get a rest. Maybe he could talk her into nachos and watching TV. He wouldn't even complain when she put those lame-ass meat crumbles on instead of real hamburger.
But then she rolled off her bed and his t-shirt fell to her knees, completely swamping her, and her hair was all mussed and her cheeks flushed, and he thought, 'Fuck being sore…' He was totally ready to go again!
She rolled her eyes, lips quirking, like she knew exactly what he was thinking. Hands on his chest, she nudged him back toward the bed until he was seated and then climbed into his lap, planting her knees on either side of him. And before he could even suggest getting more comfortable sans clothes, she reached up and dragged her nails across his scalp. Not through his 'hawk like she liked to do when he had his head in her lap and they were watching some Broadway crap and she was showing her appreciation for him not whining the whole time - so some of them were cool shit, whatever - no, this time she was trailing her fingers all over the shaved part. It was a little on the prickly side, he knew; 'cause his ma was busy and hadn't shaved it down in awhile.
"How often do you manage it?" she wondered.
Since he was kinda distracted by the way she was scrubbing circles into his head, he just quirked a brow. "Manage what?"
She smiled. "Your hair." Glancing at him briefly, she peered at his hair thoughtfully. "It's always been well maintained." She ran her thumb all the way back to the base of his skull. "I don't imagine you do it yourself; it'd be difficult to see the back…" Her brows knotted. "I suppose I've never really thought about it before…"
He grinned. "Ma usually fixes it for me… She hates it, but she says it'd be worse if it looked like shit, so…" He shrugged.
Chewing her lip, she nodded slowly. "Suppose… I did it for you…"
He stared up at her a little wide-eyed. "How do I know you won't just shave the 'hawk right off…?"
Chuckling, she played with the tail. "Much as I've protested its very existence, I've grown rather fond of it…" she admitted with a sigh.
He smirked. "You just like having something to hold onto when I'm between your legs licking your-"
She covered his mouth with her hand to shut him up. "I'm well aware of what you're doing when you're down there," she interrupted, brow raised.
He bit the palm of her hand lightly and she let go. "Like a boss," he sassed.
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "Focus, Noah."
He laughed under his breath. "So you wanna shave me…"
"I would like to try out for the position of Manager of the 'Hawk, yes," she returned, grinning.
He sucked at his lip and leaned back a little, pretending to size her up. "I dunno… You think you got the chops, Jew-Jew-B?"
Chuckling, she put her hands on her hips. "Seeing as I have a lot more hair, and I shave far more than you do, I think I'm fully equipped to handle the job, yes!"
Smirking, he fell back on his elbows and shrugged. "'Hawk's a big deal… It's like my own gold star, babe…"
"You know how much I love metaphors…" She leaned down, stretching herself out along his body. Kissing his lips briefly, she reached up and feathered her fingers through the center of his hair. "Why not let me try and if you like it, I'll formally request the job from your mother."
He snorted. "Don't start writing up a resume, babe." With a light slap to her butt, he rolled them over and sat up on his knees. "All right. I'll find the shaver, you get a towel."
A few minutes later, they were set up in the kitchen and he was telling that little voice in his head that kept saying he was about to be totally bald, or at least sporting a serious hack job, to shut the hell up.
It took her ten minutes before she even started. She kept walking circles around him, examining the curves of his head, tapping her chin and moving the shaver close but then pulling back.
"Seriously, Rach… Get to shaving or lose some clothes; 'm gettin' bored over her."
Rolling her eyes, she muttered. "I swear you have ADHD, Noah."
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"Fine…" She brought the electric shaver in close and started moving ridiculously slow.
"You're not gonna hurt me."
She let out a little sigh like she'd been holding her breath and started moving again, circling around him. It was two strokes from back to front on the left side before she suddenly yanked it away, the buzzing noise all he could hear for a long few seconds before, "Um…"
"Rachel…" he muttered, closing his eyes. "That was not a good 'um.'"
"To be honest, I'm not sure there is a good 'um,' Noah."
"Not the point!"
"Well, I just…" She stomped her foot. "You moved!"
"I did not!"
"You must have! Because I was careful not to apply too much pressure but it appears that one particular part of your head is now… thinner than the rest…"
"Thinner? Thinner like balder?" He reached back worriedly and searched all over, but couldn't find any specific spot where there was just skin. "Where?"
She redirected his fingers and he was happy to find there was still the prickle of hair there.
"Just thinner," she said.
He rolled his eyes and counted to ten in his head. "Look, ma'll be home in-"
"I can do this!" she exclaimed, slapping his hand away. "Just don't move!"
He clenched his teeth. "I. Didn't. Move!"
"Then keep not moving," she mocked before moving behind him again to continue.
Ten very slow and tedious minutes later and she finally handed him a mirror.
It was a little rough and not nearly as close cut as he usually got it, but it wasn't as bad as he thought it might be.
She smirked at him like she just won a fucking hair-cutting award.
"Not bad," he allowed.
She scoffed. "For a first time?" She flipped her own hair over her shoulder smugly. "Obviously… I'm awesome at everything!"
He laughed as she walked out of the room, hips swaying with exaggerated purpose.
So, she wasn't totally wrong. She was pretty cool. He decided to reward her too. For his haircut and how totally awesome she was; by screwing her into the couch.
Mission accomplished.
After that, she pretty much took over from his mom, who didn't even seem to notice she didn't have to do it anymore. And she got better at it; so much that he didn't even check it anymore when she was done, he just knew she got it right and got straight to thanking her. Felt like forever since she'd bugged him that it was getting long and needed her attention. He didn't much care about how scruffy he probably looked. There was a time when his 'hawk meant he was a badass; that even if the kids at school didn't respect him, they feared him. Now he couldn't give a shit what they thought.
He stood up, shaking out his legs and how heavy they felt, and navigated his bedroom via the streetlamp shining through his window, lighting up his floor. He plopped down at his desk and turned on the lamp, wincing and squinting his eyes against the harsh glare of the bulb. He started searching the drawers for paper and pens; his jaw ticked when he found stacks of each, the pens capped and lined up perfectly. He remembered her organizing his desk, telling him that it would make for a better studying environment. She was always doing stuff like that…
He grabbed a stack of paper and fiddled with the pen awhile, snapping it back and forth as he stared down at the blank pages thoughtfully.
Goodbye seemed really easy when he thought about it; one word, two syllables, the end. But there was a part of him that felt like they deserved an explanation or an apology or just something…
He licked his lips and then scrawled out on the top of one, Leroy and Hiram
As his hand lay poised above the paper, he found he didn't know where to start. There was a lot he needed to say. A lot they needed to know. A lot he owed them…
But he stared and stared and it never came. He scrubbed his hand against his head and moved the paper to the side before scrawling on the next one, Finn
The same thing happened.
Kurt's.
His mom's.
Sarah's.
And finally, Mr. Shue's.
There were just six pieces of paper with names on them, otherwise blank, waiting for him to get it all out.
He stared and stared and played with his pen and nothing came.
It was the same as when he had writer's blocks for his songs. There was so much to say and so many subjects to cover, but he had a notebook open and the pen ready and nothing came out.
So then he thought maybe he just needed some music to calm him down. Rachel always said that music made for better learning or whatever; that it got the creative juices flowing. He climbed out of his desk chair and went back to his bed, searching the covers for his MP3 player. He untangled the chord of his earbuds as he walked back, frowning at the mess they'd made while he'd been sleeping. He sat with his knee against his chest, bare foot hanging over the edge of his chair, drumming his fingers against his ribs as he thumbed through songs, searching for something to inspire him.
He landed on Gary Jules' Mad Mad World and started nodding, eyes falling closed.
He listened to it three times before he could start writing Finn's letter. When he started, he couldn't stop. It all just came flowing out of him, some of it almost incoherent when his eyes started to blur and he couldn't quite see the paper anymore. He knew there were tears falling on the paper and they probably made some of his writing unintelligible, but he figured fuck it, Finn would get it. When he was done, he scrawled the band and the song at the bottom and told him to give it a listen. He signed it Puck, 'cause that's who he'd always been to him. Even when he was a douche, even after he knocked up Quinn, and later got the girl Finn wanted, he was still Puck and he was Finn's bro and those things were forgivable. Eventually.
He folded up Finn's letter and put it off to the side. One down, five to go.
He found a song that fit each person and wrote until his hand cramped and the sun was coming up.
Sitting back in his chair, he watched as light crept across the floor and filled the room. His skin felt stiff as warmth touched it. The muscles throughout his body tense and bunched up. Folding each letter, he put them away in individually marked envelopes and hid them in his desk drawer before he finally stood up, stretching his back as he went. The house was still silent, only the creak of the floor as he walked to the bathroom. He showered quickly, dressed in whatever was closest at hand and went downstairs to find something to eat. Finally, he scooped his school bag up and copped a squat on the porch, waiting for Finn to pick him up.
For as close as it was to summer, the early morning was cold; the air bit at his skin and though uncomfortable it wasn't enough to make him go inside or grab a coat. He kind of liked it; the way his skin numbed after awhile.
He could hear it when his sister woke up; the sound of her feet running down the stairs. The TV when she turned it on; cartoons. He heard her call out good morning to his mom and he knew she'd walk off to the kitchen, her feet dragging, slippers shuffling, in need of coffee. The best mornings were the ones his ma wasn't there, he always thought. The mornings that she was still at work, having a late night shift, and Rachel spent the night so she could help him with Sarah in the mornings. Or that was always the excuse she made; really, she just like spending as much time with him as she could. And he never complained.
So Puck and Hannah Montana had a serious feud. She liked to sing at decibels only dogs could hear, very early in the morning, and he liked to not hear any of that.
He shook his head, scrubbing sleep from his eyes as he dodged toys left, right and center, spread out all over the stairs. "Turn the noise down, Brat! Holy shi-!"
Rachel cleared her throat before he could finish that sentence and he rolled his eyes. "Whatever. How can you stand that?"
"Noah's a doofus!" Sarah cried, rolling over on the couch to her belly and sticking her tongue out at him through her missing teeth.
He snorted. "Yeah? Well this doofus is makin' breakfast… So guess who isn't gettin' any?" he returned, flicking her nose as he walked past her to the kitchen.
She glared. "Ra-chel!" she cried, kicking her feet.
Sighing, Rachel ruffled her hair and followed after him.
While he searched through the fridge for something that wasn't milk to add to cereal, he heard her humming behind him.
"She's not getting squat…" He grabbed out the bacon and, with a frown, Rachel's vegan meat crumbles, his eggs along with her tofu substitute, and then bent low to grab out green and red pepper, onion and mushrooms.
"Noah…"
"Rachel," he mocked.
"She's a child… Are you honestly going to deny her some of your ridiculously good cooking just because she called you a name?"
"No…" He dropped the food on the counter and leaned his hip against it. "I'm not gonna feed her anything but stale Cheerios because she had Hannah Montana's shittiest hits on at six in the damn morning and left every freaking toy she owned on the floor so I could step on them… That is why she's not getting a Puckerman approved omelet." Turning around, he clapped his hands together and looked at what he had. He'd have to make Rachel's breakfast separately, since she frowned on fake meat touching 'poor dead animals' or whatever, but he was used to that by now… Especially since she bought him that vegan recipe book on his birthday, marked with all her favorites. His girl was not subtle.
Sighing, Rachel stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms low around his waist. Since she was wearing his shirt, he could feel her cheek pressing against his bare shoulder blade. "What are you going to do when our children are watching cartoons too loudly or they've left their action figures somewhere for you to step on?" She nuzzled his back with her nose. "Hm?"
"That's different…"
"How?" She swept her hands up his stomach, curling her fingers in to tease his abdomen. "You practically raised Sarah… You're the only significant male influence in her life… Aside from the minute age difference, it wouldn't be all that surprising she consider you more like a father than a brother…"
"Yeah…" he snorted. "She really respects me like I'm her old man."
"Oh Noah…" She lifted up on her tip toes and nipped his shoulder. "She'd be lost without you."
He looked at her over his shoulder. "Babe… Is this you trying to convince me we should take the squirt with us to New York again…" He shook his head. "That ain't happening…"
She huffed, pouting her lips. "Oh, but she'll be all alone here…" Her eyes widened sadly. "Who will sing her to sleep or watch movies with her or make her lunches just the way she likes?"
He shrugged. "Her mother!"
Rachel wrinkled her nose, shaking her head. "As much as I respect your mother for raising two children on her own and keeping such a difficult job, I'm sorry but she just doesn't have the time to take care of Sarah the way she deserves…" With a shrug and a determined look on her face, she let go of his waist and moved to his side.
"And you think two kids in college, trying to make it on Broadway and all that shit is going to be better for her?" he asked, brow cocked.
"I think Sarah is family and she deserves to be with people that are always going to take her best regards into account…" She grabbed up a skillet and put it on the stove.
"Rach…" He turned to her, sliding his arms around her waist and hugging her close. "Sarah knows we love her… She knows we're going to New York after we graduate so we can become badass famous people…" He grinned. "She can visit every damn holiday if you want. But we are way too young to have a nine year old hanging off our backs, asking for attention…" He shook his head. "I'm not even sure we're gonna be able to feed ourselves anything but KD and ramen noodles, so I'm beggin' you here… Don't give us another mouth to feed…" He stared at her pleadingly.
Licking her lips, she stared down thoughtfully, before finally nodding. Before he could lean in and kiss her in triumph, she held up a finger. "But I demand she spend every single holiday with us! Even Chinese New Years, Noah!"
He snorted, but nodded anyway. Even if there was no way in hell that was happening. He kissed her to seal the deal and then spent the next five minutes making sure it was very, very sealed.
"You guys are gross!" Sarah's voice interrupted.
Panting a little, Puck frowned at his sister pouting up at him, her hands on her hips. "What d'you want?"
"Noah!" Rachel slapped his shoulder before turning in his arms. "Honey, why don't you go watch your cartoons? Noah's going to get breakfast ready while I put together your lunch for today…" She grinned widely. "Are we having carrots, Miss Sarah, or ants on a log?"
Her nose wrinkled. "Are they real ants?"
"No, silly… You remember we made them last week? They're just raisins on top of peanut butter spread in a celery stick!"
Her face lit up as she remembered. "Oh yeah!" She wiggled excitedly. "I want the ant thing!" Reaching out, she grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled on it. "I'll help, okay?"
Smiling, Rachel patted Puck's hands on her waist so he'd let go, before following the little girl to the fridge so they could start packing everything for her lunch.
Accepting that his bratty sister had essentially stolen his girlfriend, Puck turned back to the stove and started getting the omelets together.
Awhile later, they sat down to eat on the couch while watching old reruns of coyote and road runner. And when the bus honked outside, they scrambled to get Sarah's shoes on and her backpack on her shoulders before running across the lawn, each holding a hand, and swinging her up onto the stairs. With Rachel blowing kisses and waving, Puck saluted goodbye before tossing her over his shoulder and bringing her back to the house. They still had a half hour 'til school started and he wanted to waste it making out on the couch.
He might not like Mondays much, but they had their appeals.
Rachel's laughter was still echoing in his ears when he heard the rumble of Finn's truck pulling up against the curb in front of his house.
Puck grabbed up his bag and was across the yard and hopping in before any blare of the horn.
"Oh, hey…" Finn stared at him funny. "You got up on your own…"
Puck rolled his eyes. "Been up since five, dude."
He nodded, eyes falling. "You, uh… wanna talk about it?"
Raising a brow at him, he said bluntly, "No."
Finn sighed, somewhere between relief and worry. "'Kay, just… Y'know… If you wanted to…"
"Seriously… Can we just go to school?"
"First time you've ever said that…" he muttered, but pulled the truck away from the curb. "You eat? We could stop by the Lima Bean. Some of the others are probably-"
"I ate."
"Oh… Right…"
Slumping in his seat, Puck stared out the window and watched scenery fly by, ignoring each and every attempt Finn made for small talk.
../..
The rest of the day felt like the same as yesterday.
He zoned, caught a nap in second period that he seriously needed, and Finn met him outside of every class, even walking with him to the bathroom. At least this time he just waited outside the door instead of hovering over his shoulder. They wound up in the auditorium again, sitting on the stage.
Puck listened with half an ear as Finn babbled about something that happened in some class that was kind of, sort of funny. He was shit at small talk; awkward, uncomfortably shifting, glancing at him every few seconds like he was waiting for him to burst into song or start crying or just spill everything that was wrong. Same old Finn.
He let him keep doing it and instead closed his eyes, tucking his arms behind his head, and drifted in his head.
After awhile, Finn's voice just faded away and he was remembering last summer.
It was probably a stupid idea to be sitting this close when it was so damn hot outside. He'd already tossed his shirt and now he was just hanging out in low-slung board shorts while Rachel was sporting the tiniest shorts ever made and her favorite pink bikini top. If she'd let him talk her into sneaking into some of his client's pools, they wouldn't be as sticky and uncomfortable as the Lima heat-wave was making them, but she was a stickler for rules and he was still slowly chipping away at her resolve. So instead, they were in his bedroom with nothing but a shitty fan to cool them down and half-melted slushees for back up.
Chewing her lip, Rachel was determinedly failing at a water world.
He smirked. "You're so gonna die…"
She spared him a glare before turning back to the TV and moving her arms around dramatically as she fought to keep Mario from drifting too close to a fish.
He snorted when she flinched disappointedly as Mario died.
"Mother effer!" she exclaimed, stomping her foot.
He laughed.
"Noah!" she whined, lifting an arm to wipe her hair back from her sweaty forehead. Sticking her lip out, she asked, "Help me?"
Rolling his eyes, he wrapped his arms around her and covered her hands on the controller. "All right… But after this, we're going skinny-dipping."
She scoffed, but didn't argue.
He pressed the start button and the water world was on. Together, they maneuvered around fish and fire-shooting plant bastards and everything else that came their way. There were a few close calls where she yelled, "Shoot! Shoot!" and he muttered, "Shit, fuck, c'mon!" But eventually, they made it to the end and across the finishing line.
With a shout of excitement, she turned around for a high-five before kissing him appreciatively.
"Rachel and Noah: Masters of Water Worlds!" she cheered.
He snorted, resting his chin on her shoulder. "You're gettin' better… Before, you couldn't get past the first dude before dying."
She clucked her tongue. "This game is more complicated than it appears."
His brows furrowed. "How?"
She glared. "It just is!"
He chuckled under his breath, shrugging. "C'mon… I'll show you a secret." Covering her hands on the controller again, he maneuvered her around the main map.
"Noah," she murmured.
"Yeah, babe?"
"This is the best summer I've ever had."
He raised a brow. "Seriously? We haven't even gotten naked yet."
"No, really." She turned around to look at him. "I've had so much fun with you… Between movies and swimming and even babysitting your sister…" She stared at him searchingly. "When you took me to that awful foreign film because it was the only educational thing in town and you thought I'd like it."
"It had subtitles!" he argued for the hundredth time.
She laughed. "I know…" Shaking her head, she smiled at him gently. "And the fair we went to and you got that stomach ache from too much candy…"
"Caramel apples are a lie! It's pure sugar!"
She patted his cheek. "And you won me that rainbow bear and that goldfish that died a week later…"
"I really think Neil Diamond was poisoned… Somebody took a hit out on that fish, babe, and…" He looked around as if worried somebody might overhear. "I legit think it was Chang… You know how he likes his sushi!"
"Noah, it was a goldfish, I hardly think-" She shook her head. "You've completely distracted me…" She slid her hand around to his neck and stroked the tail of his 'hawk. "As I was saying… I've enjoyed all these romantic late nights spent in the back of your truck, just listening to music and drinking slushees and staring at the stars…"
"And making out," he added. "Don't forget how awesomely I'm rounding the bases, one by one…"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, that too."
He smirked proudly.
"Noah…" Her face softened as she stared at him. "I've never been happier with any boy I've dated in the past…"
His throat hollowed out at her sincere words and for a second, just a split second, he almost wanted to shove her out of his lap and run. Only, it was his house, he had nowhere to go, and well, he was pretty she'd take it the wrong way… "Yeah?" he rasped instead.
She nodded. "I just… I wanted you to know how much you mean to me."
He kissed her forehead. "Ditto."
Smiling, she turned back around. "Now… Show me this secret."
For a second, he just stared at the back of her head, smiling to himself, and wondering how the fuck he got so lucky…
Then he showed her the secret and figured he shouldn't question it, just in case something went and fucked it up for him. As was his usual luck.
For that day at least, they were untouchable.
And he totally talked her into skinny-dipping at the lake.
"Dude?"
Puck startled back to the present and found Finn staring at him oddly.
"That was the bell…"
Nodding jerkily, he sat up and climbed to his feet.
"You, uh-"
"Finn… If you ask me one more time if I'm okay, I'm gonna deck you…"
Finn smiled apologetically. "Sorry."
Rolling his eyes, Puck walked off the stage and toward the auditorium exit.
"Hey… You mind if we stop at the bathroom?" Finn wondered.
"I'm not holding your hand, dude…"
"Yeah, but… I'm supposed to walk you to your next class."
"What exactly do you think I'm gonna do? It's not like I have a whole lot of options…"
He shrugged. "Maybe if you told me how you were planning to do it…" he suggested, failing at looking innocent.
With a sigh, Puck turned to look at him. "So if I say I'm gonna slit my wrists you'll, what? Replace all the cutlery in my house with sporks?"
He flinched. "Is that what you were gonna do?"
He blinked, saying plainly, "No."
"Oh…" He breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good." He nodded.
"You're an idiot," he muttered before turning around and walking again. "And I'm not going with you to the damn bathroom."
Uncomfortably, Finn chased after him. "Fine… I'll just be late for class…"
"Whatever."
The whole walk to math, Puck had to put up with a squirming Finn, who looked like a kid doing the pee dance.
As soon as he took a seat at his desk, dude took off running down the hallway.
A vindictive part of him kind of hoped he didn't make it, just so he wouldn't have to put up with having his giant shadow following him every damn where he went.
[Go To: Second Half.]
Category: Glee
Genre: Tragedy/Angst/Romance
Ship: Rachel/Puck
Rating: NC17/R
Warning(s): Coarse/Sexual Language, Sexual Content, Themes of Depression, Substance Abuse, Character Death, Suicidal Themes
Word Count: 9,637
Summary: Rachel Berry had no idea what events would transpire that day. How standing up for someone she didn't know would eventually lead to tragedy. And Noah Puckerman was the unfortunate boy who had to deal with the aftermath; only he had no idea how. And coping was never his strong suit.
Previous: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,
dhfreak
It's Your Song That Sets Me Free (I Sing It While I Feel I Can't Hold On)
-Novel-
XII.
Some time around five am, Puck gave up trying to sleep. It just wasn't in the cards for him. He kept dreaming of her, but when he got close she was pulled away or he kept reaching and the space between them just got bigger and bigger. He was tired and his eyes stung with exhaustion, but he sat up, his head hung, hands rubbing at his face. His fingers trailed up and found the prickly growth of his hair coming in. He usually kept it shaved down; he used to get his ma to do it but then Rachel wanted a go, and well, he was always shit at saying no to her…
Rachel was eying him with that thoughtful look on her face and it wasn't one he usually liked. In fact, it'd gotten in him in some shit over the years. See, when Rachel got to thinking, it usually meant he had to do something and with his luck it was never anything fun. Or, okay, that wasn't true. There were those few times when she looked like that and they sexed it up in random places, like the choir room and back stage of the auditorium. He smirked; good times! But since she was half-naked and they'd already spent half the morning fooling around all over his very empty house - his ma took his sister out of town for some girl time or something - he was pretty sure she wasn't planning their next sexscapade. And to tell the truth, he was a little sore - she was seriously bendy! - so he was kind of hoping Puckasaurus could get a rest. Maybe he could talk her into nachos and watching TV. He wouldn't even complain when she put those lame-ass meat crumbles on instead of real hamburger.
But then she rolled off her bed and his t-shirt fell to her knees, completely swamping her, and her hair was all mussed and her cheeks flushed, and he thought, 'Fuck being sore…' He was totally ready to go again!
She rolled her eyes, lips quirking, like she knew exactly what he was thinking. Hands on his chest, she nudged him back toward the bed until he was seated and then climbed into his lap, planting her knees on either side of him. And before he could even suggest getting more comfortable sans clothes, she reached up and dragged her nails across his scalp. Not through his 'hawk like she liked to do when he had his head in her lap and they were watching some Broadway crap and she was showing her appreciation for him not whining the whole time - so some of them were cool shit, whatever - no, this time she was trailing her fingers all over the shaved part. It was a little on the prickly side, he knew; 'cause his ma was busy and hadn't shaved it down in awhile.
"How often do you manage it?" she wondered.
Since he was kinda distracted by the way she was scrubbing circles into his head, he just quirked a brow. "Manage what?"
She smiled. "Your hair." Glancing at him briefly, she peered at his hair thoughtfully. "It's always been well maintained." She ran her thumb all the way back to the base of his skull. "I don't imagine you do it yourself; it'd be difficult to see the back…" Her brows knotted. "I suppose I've never really thought about it before…"
He grinned. "Ma usually fixes it for me… She hates it, but she says it'd be worse if it looked like shit, so…" He shrugged.
Chewing her lip, she nodded slowly. "Suppose… I did it for you…"
He stared up at her a little wide-eyed. "How do I know you won't just shave the 'hawk right off…?"
Chuckling, she played with the tail. "Much as I've protested its very existence, I've grown rather fond of it…" she admitted with a sigh.
He smirked. "You just like having something to hold onto when I'm between your legs licking your-"
She covered his mouth with her hand to shut him up. "I'm well aware of what you're doing when you're down there," she interrupted, brow raised.
He bit the palm of her hand lightly and she let go. "Like a boss," he sassed.
Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "Focus, Noah."
He laughed under his breath. "So you wanna shave me…"
"I would like to try out for the position of Manager of the 'Hawk, yes," she returned, grinning.
He sucked at his lip and leaned back a little, pretending to size her up. "I dunno… You think you got the chops, Jew-Jew-B?"
Chuckling, she put her hands on her hips. "Seeing as I have a lot more hair, and I shave far more than you do, I think I'm fully equipped to handle the job, yes!"
Smirking, he fell back on his elbows and shrugged. "'Hawk's a big deal… It's like my own gold star, babe…"
"You know how much I love metaphors…" She leaned down, stretching herself out along his body. Kissing his lips briefly, she reached up and feathered her fingers through the center of his hair. "Why not let me try and if you like it, I'll formally request the job from your mother."
He snorted. "Don't start writing up a resume, babe." With a light slap to her butt, he rolled them over and sat up on his knees. "All right. I'll find the shaver, you get a towel."
A few minutes later, they were set up in the kitchen and he was telling that little voice in his head that kept saying he was about to be totally bald, or at least sporting a serious hack job, to shut the hell up.
It took her ten minutes before she even started. She kept walking circles around him, examining the curves of his head, tapping her chin and moving the shaver close but then pulling back.
"Seriously, Rach… Get to shaving or lose some clothes; 'm gettin' bored over her."
Rolling her eyes, she muttered. "I swear you have ADHD, Noah."
He shrugged. "Maybe."
"Fine…" She brought the electric shaver in close and started moving ridiculously slow.
"You're not gonna hurt me."
She let out a little sigh like she'd been holding her breath and started moving again, circling around him. It was two strokes from back to front on the left side before she suddenly yanked it away, the buzzing noise all he could hear for a long few seconds before, "Um…"
"Rachel…" he muttered, closing his eyes. "That was not a good 'um.'"
"To be honest, I'm not sure there is a good 'um,' Noah."
"Not the point!"
"Well, I just…" She stomped her foot. "You moved!"
"I did not!"
"You must have! Because I was careful not to apply too much pressure but it appears that one particular part of your head is now… thinner than the rest…"
"Thinner? Thinner like balder?" He reached back worriedly and searched all over, but couldn't find any specific spot where there was just skin. "Where?"
She redirected his fingers and he was happy to find there was still the prickle of hair there.
"Just thinner," she said.
He rolled his eyes and counted to ten in his head. "Look, ma'll be home in-"
"I can do this!" she exclaimed, slapping his hand away. "Just don't move!"
He clenched his teeth. "I. Didn't. Move!"
"Then keep not moving," she mocked before moving behind him again to continue.
Ten very slow and tedious minutes later and she finally handed him a mirror.
It was a little rough and not nearly as close cut as he usually got it, but it wasn't as bad as he thought it might be.
She smirked at him like she just won a fucking hair-cutting award.
"Not bad," he allowed.
She scoffed. "For a first time?" She flipped her own hair over her shoulder smugly. "Obviously… I'm awesome at everything!"
He laughed as she walked out of the room, hips swaying with exaggerated purpose.
So, she wasn't totally wrong. She was pretty cool. He decided to reward her too. For his haircut and how totally awesome she was; by screwing her into the couch.
Mission accomplished.
After that, she pretty much took over from his mom, who didn't even seem to notice she didn't have to do it anymore. And she got better at it; so much that he didn't even check it anymore when she was done, he just knew she got it right and got straight to thanking her. Felt like forever since she'd bugged him that it was getting long and needed her attention. He didn't much care about how scruffy he probably looked. There was a time when his 'hawk meant he was a badass; that even if the kids at school didn't respect him, they feared him. Now he couldn't give a shit what they thought.
He stood up, shaking out his legs and how heavy they felt, and navigated his bedroom via the streetlamp shining through his window, lighting up his floor. He plopped down at his desk and turned on the lamp, wincing and squinting his eyes against the harsh glare of the bulb. He started searching the drawers for paper and pens; his jaw ticked when he found stacks of each, the pens capped and lined up perfectly. He remembered her organizing his desk, telling him that it would make for a better studying environment. She was always doing stuff like that…
He grabbed a stack of paper and fiddled with the pen awhile, snapping it back and forth as he stared down at the blank pages thoughtfully.
Goodbye seemed really easy when he thought about it; one word, two syllables, the end. But there was a part of him that felt like they deserved an explanation or an apology or just something…
He licked his lips and then scrawled out on the top of one, Leroy and Hiram
As his hand lay poised above the paper, he found he didn't know where to start. There was a lot he needed to say. A lot they needed to know. A lot he owed them…
But he stared and stared and it never came. He scrubbed his hand against his head and moved the paper to the side before scrawling on the next one, Finn
The same thing happened.
Kurt's.
His mom's.
Sarah's.
And finally, Mr. Shue's.
There were just six pieces of paper with names on them, otherwise blank, waiting for him to get it all out.
He stared and stared and played with his pen and nothing came.
It was the same as when he had writer's blocks for his songs. There was so much to say and so many subjects to cover, but he had a notebook open and the pen ready and nothing came out.
So then he thought maybe he just needed some music to calm him down. Rachel always said that music made for better learning or whatever; that it got the creative juices flowing. He climbed out of his desk chair and went back to his bed, searching the covers for his MP3 player. He untangled the chord of his earbuds as he walked back, frowning at the mess they'd made while he'd been sleeping. He sat with his knee against his chest, bare foot hanging over the edge of his chair, drumming his fingers against his ribs as he thumbed through songs, searching for something to inspire him.
He landed on Gary Jules' Mad Mad World and started nodding, eyes falling closed.
He listened to it three times before he could start writing Finn's letter. When he started, he couldn't stop. It all just came flowing out of him, some of it almost incoherent when his eyes started to blur and he couldn't quite see the paper anymore. He knew there were tears falling on the paper and they probably made some of his writing unintelligible, but he figured fuck it, Finn would get it. When he was done, he scrawled the band and the song at the bottom and told him to give it a listen. He signed it Puck, 'cause that's who he'd always been to him. Even when he was a douche, even after he knocked up Quinn, and later got the girl Finn wanted, he was still Puck and he was Finn's bro and those things were forgivable. Eventually.
He folded up Finn's letter and put it off to the side. One down, five to go.
He found a song that fit each person and wrote until his hand cramped and the sun was coming up.
Sitting back in his chair, he watched as light crept across the floor and filled the room. His skin felt stiff as warmth touched it. The muscles throughout his body tense and bunched up. Folding each letter, he put them away in individually marked envelopes and hid them in his desk drawer before he finally stood up, stretching his back as he went. The house was still silent, only the creak of the floor as he walked to the bathroom. He showered quickly, dressed in whatever was closest at hand and went downstairs to find something to eat. Finally, he scooped his school bag up and copped a squat on the porch, waiting for Finn to pick him up.
For as close as it was to summer, the early morning was cold; the air bit at his skin and though uncomfortable it wasn't enough to make him go inside or grab a coat. He kind of liked it; the way his skin numbed after awhile.
He could hear it when his sister woke up; the sound of her feet running down the stairs. The TV when she turned it on; cartoons. He heard her call out good morning to his mom and he knew she'd walk off to the kitchen, her feet dragging, slippers shuffling, in need of coffee. The best mornings were the ones his ma wasn't there, he always thought. The mornings that she was still at work, having a late night shift, and Rachel spent the night so she could help him with Sarah in the mornings. Or that was always the excuse she made; really, she just like spending as much time with him as she could. And he never complained.
So Puck and Hannah Montana had a serious feud. She liked to sing at decibels only dogs could hear, very early in the morning, and he liked to not hear any of that.
He shook his head, scrubbing sleep from his eyes as he dodged toys left, right and center, spread out all over the stairs. "Turn the noise down, Brat! Holy shi-!"
Rachel cleared her throat before he could finish that sentence and he rolled his eyes. "Whatever. How can you stand that?"
"Noah's a doofus!" Sarah cried, rolling over on the couch to her belly and sticking her tongue out at him through her missing teeth.
He snorted. "Yeah? Well this doofus is makin' breakfast… So guess who isn't gettin' any?" he returned, flicking her nose as he walked past her to the kitchen.
She glared. "Ra-chel!" she cried, kicking her feet.
Sighing, Rachel ruffled her hair and followed after him.
While he searched through the fridge for something that wasn't milk to add to cereal, he heard her humming behind him.
"She's not getting squat…" He grabbed out the bacon and, with a frown, Rachel's vegan meat crumbles, his eggs along with her tofu substitute, and then bent low to grab out green and red pepper, onion and mushrooms.
"Noah…"
"Rachel," he mocked.
"She's a child… Are you honestly going to deny her some of your ridiculously good cooking just because she called you a name?"
"No…" He dropped the food on the counter and leaned his hip against it. "I'm not gonna feed her anything but stale Cheerios because she had Hannah Montana's shittiest hits on at six in the damn morning and left every freaking toy she owned on the floor so I could step on them… That is why she's not getting a Puckerman approved omelet." Turning around, he clapped his hands together and looked at what he had. He'd have to make Rachel's breakfast separately, since she frowned on fake meat touching 'poor dead animals' or whatever, but he was used to that by now… Especially since she bought him that vegan recipe book on his birthday, marked with all her favorites. His girl was not subtle.
Sighing, Rachel stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms low around his waist. Since she was wearing his shirt, he could feel her cheek pressing against his bare shoulder blade. "What are you going to do when our children are watching cartoons too loudly or they've left their action figures somewhere for you to step on?" She nuzzled his back with her nose. "Hm?"
"That's different…"
"How?" She swept her hands up his stomach, curling her fingers in to tease his abdomen. "You practically raised Sarah… You're the only significant male influence in her life… Aside from the minute age difference, it wouldn't be all that surprising she consider you more like a father than a brother…"
"Yeah…" he snorted. "She really respects me like I'm her old man."
"Oh Noah…" She lifted up on her tip toes and nipped his shoulder. "She'd be lost without you."
He looked at her over his shoulder. "Babe… Is this you trying to convince me we should take the squirt with us to New York again…" He shook his head. "That ain't happening…"
She huffed, pouting her lips. "Oh, but she'll be all alone here…" Her eyes widened sadly. "Who will sing her to sleep or watch movies with her or make her lunches just the way she likes?"
He shrugged. "Her mother!"
Rachel wrinkled her nose, shaking her head. "As much as I respect your mother for raising two children on her own and keeping such a difficult job, I'm sorry but she just doesn't have the time to take care of Sarah the way she deserves…" With a shrug and a determined look on her face, she let go of his waist and moved to his side.
"And you think two kids in college, trying to make it on Broadway and all that shit is going to be better for her?" he asked, brow cocked.
"I think Sarah is family and she deserves to be with people that are always going to take her best regards into account…" She grabbed up a skillet and put it on the stove.
"Rach…" He turned to her, sliding his arms around her waist and hugging her close. "Sarah knows we love her… She knows we're going to New York after we graduate so we can become badass famous people…" He grinned. "She can visit every damn holiday if you want. But we are way too young to have a nine year old hanging off our backs, asking for attention…" He shook his head. "I'm not even sure we're gonna be able to feed ourselves anything but KD and ramen noodles, so I'm beggin' you here… Don't give us another mouth to feed…" He stared at her pleadingly.
Licking her lips, she stared down thoughtfully, before finally nodding. Before he could lean in and kiss her in triumph, she held up a finger. "But I demand she spend every single holiday with us! Even Chinese New Years, Noah!"
He snorted, but nodded anyway. Even if there was no way in hell that was happening. He kissed her to seal the deal and then spent the next five minutes making sure it was very, very sealed.
"You guys are gross!" Sarah's voice interrupted.
Panting a little, Puck frowned at his sister pouting up at him, her hands on her hips. "What d'you want?"
"Noah!" Rachel slapped his shoulder before turning in his arms. "Honey, why don't you go watch your cartoons? Noah's going to get breakfast ready while I put together your lunch for today…" She grinned widely. "Are we having carrots, Miss Sarah, or ants on a log?"
Her nose wrinkled. "Are they real ants?"
"No, silly… You remember we made them last week? They're just raisins on top of peanut butter spread in a celery stick!"
Her face lit up as she remembered. "Oh yeah!" She wiggled excitedly. "I want the ant thing!" Reaching out, she grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled on it. "I'll help, okay?"
Smiling, Rachel patted Puck's hands on her waist so he'd let go, before following the little girl to the fridge so they could start packing everything for her lunch.
Accepting that his bratty sister had essentially stolen his girlfriend, Puck turned back to the stove and started getting the omelets together.
Awhile later, they sat down to eat on the couch while watching old reruns of coyote and road runner. And when the bus honked outside, they scrambled to get Sarah's shoes on and her backpack on her shoulders before running across the lawn, each holding a hand, and swinging her up onto the stairs. With Rachel blowing kisses and waving, Puck saluted goodbye before tossing her over his shoulder and bringing her back to the house. They still had a half hour 'til school started and he wanted to waste it making out on the couch.
He might not like Mondays much, but they had their appeals.
Rachel's laughter was still echoing in his ears when he heard the rumble of Finn's truck pulling up against the curb in front of his house.
Puck grabbed up his bag and was across the yard and hopping in before any blare of the horn.
"Oh, hey…" Finn stared at him funny. "You got up on your own…"
Puck rolled his eyes. "Been up since five, dude."
He nodded, eyes falling. "You, uh… wanna talk about it?"
Raising a brow at him, he said bluntly, "No."
Finn sighed, somewhere between relief and worry. "'Kay, just… Y'know… If you wanted to…"
"Seriously… Can we just go to school?"
"First time you've ever said that…" he muttered, but pulled the truck away from the curb. "You eat? We could stop by the Lima Bean. Some of the others are probably-"
"I ate."
"Oh… Right…"
Slumping in his seat, Puck stared out the window and watched scenery fly by, ignoring each and every attempt Finn made for small talk.
../..
The rest of the day felt like the same as yesterday.
He zoned, caught a nap in second period that he seriously needed, and Finn met him outside of every class, even walking with him to the bathroom. At least this time he just waited outside the door instead of hovering over his shoulder. They wound up in the auditorium again, sitting on the stage.
Puck listened with half an ear as Finn babbled about something that happened in some class that was kind of, sort of funny. He was shit at small talk; awkward, uncomfortably shifting, glancing at him every few seconds like he was waiting for him to burst into song or start crying or just spill everything that was wrong. Same old Finn.
He let him keep doing it and instead closed his eyes, tucking his arms behind his head, and drifted in his head.
After awhile, Finn's voice just faded away and he was remembering last summer.
It was probably a stupid idea to be sitting this close when it was so damn hot outside. He'd already tossed his shirt and now he was just hanging out in low-slung board shorts while Rachel was sporting the tiniest shorts ever made and her favorite pink bikini top. If she'd let him talk her into sneaking into some of his client's pools, they wouldn't be as sticky and uncomfortable as the Lima heat-wave was making them, but she was a stickler for rules and he was still slowly chipping away at her resolve. So instead, they were in his bedroom with nothing but a shitty fan to cool them down and half-melted slushees for back up.
Chewing her lip, Rachel was determinedly failing at a water world.
He smirked. "You're so gonna die…"
She spared him a glare before turning back to the TV and moving her arms around dramatically as she fought to keep Mario from drifting too close to a fish.
He snorted when she flinched disappointedly as Mario died.
"Mother effer!" she exclaimed, stomping her foot.
He laughed.
"Noah!" she whined, lifting an arm to wipe her hair back from her sweaty forehead. Sticking her lip out, she asked, "Help me?"
Rolling his eyes, he wrapped his arms around her and covered her hands on the controller. "All right… But after this, we're going skinny-dipping."
She scoffed, but didn't argue.
He pressed the start button and the water world was on. Together, they maneuvered around fish and fire-shooting plant bastards and everything else that came their way. There were a few close calls where she yelled, "Shoot! Shoot!" and he muttered, "Shit, fuck, c'mon!" But eventually, they made it to the end and across the finishing line.
With a shout of excitement, she turned around for a high-five before kissing him appreciatively.
"Rachel and Noah: Masters of Water Worlds!" she cheered.
He snorted, resting his chin on her shoulder. "You're gettin' better… Before, you couldn't get past the first dude before dying."
She clucked her tongue. "This game is more complicated than it appears."
His brows furrowed. "How?"
She glared. "It just is!"
He chuckled under his breath, shrugging. "C'mon… I'll show you a secret." Covering her hands on the controller again, he maneuvered her around the main map.
"Noah," she murmured.
"Yeah, babe?"
"This is the best summer I've ever had."
He raised a brow. "Seriously? We haven't even gotten naked yet."
"No, really." She turned around to look at him. "I've had so much fun with you… Between movies and swimming and even babysitting your sister…" She stared at him searchingly. "When you took me to that awful foreign film because it was the only educational thing in town and you thought I'd like it."
"It had subtitles!" he argued for the hundredth time.
She laughed. "I know…" Shaking her head, she smiled at him gently. "And the fair we went to and you got that stomach ache from too much candy…"
"Caramel apples are a lie! It's pure sugar!"
She patted his cheek. "And you won me that rainbow bear and that goldfish that died a week later…"
"I really think Neil Diamond was poisoned… Somebody took a hit out on that fish, babe, and…" He looked around as if worried somebody might overhear. "I legit think it was Chang… You know how he likes his sushi!"
"Noah, it was a goldfish, I hardly think-" She shook her head. "You've completely distracted me…" She slid her hand around to his neck and stroked the tail of his 'hawk. "As I was saying… I've enjoyed all these romantic late nights spent in the back of your truck, just listening to music and drinking slushees and staring at the stars…"
"And making out," he added. "Don't forget how awesomely I'm rounding the bases, one by one…"
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, that too."
He smirked proudly.
"Noah…" Her face softened as she stared at him. "I've never been happier with any boy I've dated in the past…"
His throat hollowed out at her sincere words and for a second, just a split second, he almost wanted to shove her out of his lap and run. Only, it was his house, he had nowhere to go, and well, he was pretty she'd take it the wrong way… "Yeah?" he rasped instead.
She nodded. "I just… I wanted you to know how much you mean to me."
He kissed her forehead. "Ditto."
Smiling, she turned back around. "Now… Show me this secret."
For a second, he just stared at the back of her head, smiling to himself, and wondering how the fuck he got so lucky…
Then he showed her the secret and figured he shouldn't question it, just in case something went and fucked it up for him. As was his usual luck.
For that day at least, they were untouchable.
And he totally talked her into skinny-dipping at the lake.
"Dude?"
Puck startled back to the present and found Finn staring at him oddly.
"That was the bell…"
Nodding jerkily, he sat up and climbed to his feet.
"You, uh-"
"Finn… If you ask me one more time if I'm okay, I'm gonna deck you…"
Finn smiled apologetically. "Sorry."
Rolling his eyes, Puck walked off the stage and toward the auditorium exit.
"Hey… You mind if we stop at the bathroom?" Finn wondered.
"I'm not holding your hand, dude…"
"Yeah, but… I'm supposed to walk you to your next class."
"What exactly do you think I'm gonna do? It's not like I have a whole lot of options…"
He shrugged. "Maybe if you told me how you were planning to do it…" he suggested, failing at looking innocent.
With a sigh, Puck turned to look at him. "So if I say I'm gonna slit my wrists you'll, what? Replace all the cutlery in my house with sporks?"
He flinched. "Is that what you were gonna do?"
He blinked, saying plainly, "No."
"Oh…" He breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good." He nodded.
"You're an idiot," he muttered before turning around and walking again. "And I'm not going with you to the damn bathroom."
Uncomfortably, Finn chased after him. "Fine… I'll just be late for class…"
"Whatever."
The whole walk to math, Puck had to put up with a squirming Finn, who looked like a kid doing the pee dance.
As soon as he took a seat at his desk, dude took off running down the hallway.
A vindictive part of him kind of hoped he didn't make it, just so he wouldn't have to put up with having his giant shadow following him every damn where he went.
[Go To: Second Half.]