BDSM Big Bang entry 2011 - The Art of Falling - Tony/Gibbs
... chapters two, three & four of 'The Art of Falling'.
Chapter Two: The Morning After The Night Before
Tony woke up feeling better than he had for the past three years. No, longer. Since the glory days of him and Rebecca, back when he hadn’t needed to safe word because everything they did felt like a one way ticket to heaven. He was wrapped warmly in a comfortable big bed, one that smelt nothing like his own. He breathed deeply and his sluggish brain eventually recognised the scent as belonging to his boss. Then everything came back to him.
Shit.
Tony rolled over, blinking in the natural morning light filtering in through open curtains. Gibbs was sat in a comfortable looking chair near the bed, watching Tony, coffee in hand and already showered and dressed. He stared at his employee, waiting for Tony to make the first move.
Tony sprung out of bed, ignoring his own near nudity, what was left of his tattered modesty kept by only a pair of jog pants that obviously belonged to Gibbs. He faced his... his what? Protector? Boss? Friend? None of those words fit.
“You knew,” Tony’s voice was faintly accusing, pain and barely restrained anger hidden behind his blank face, his hands curled into fists that Gibbs knew wouldn’t hit him, not now, not ever. He knew, he had always known.
“I figured it was why you stayed as long as you did,” Gibbs confessed, no shame or apology in his voice. Tony was a Submissive, through and through. Rebecca may not have been strong enough to keep him in her life, but Gibbs had known from the moment he interviewed Tony and saw the pale tan line of the missing collar that he was strong enough to keep Tony by his side as an investigator.
“You mean the head slaps? The sparsely handed out praise? You figured, hey he likes getting tied up for sex he won’t mind a few head games to keep him in line!” Tony ranted. He was getting more aggravated with every confession.
Gibbs shrugged. “You seemed content enough.”
“Content? Sure, why not. I was getting what I needed without the complication of sex. But did you ever think I wanted more? I wanted you?” Tony asked, bitterly. He felt like he had been played, like Gibbs had used his knowledge about Tony’s sex life in order to get what he wanted - a competent devoted second in command - while giving Tony the bare minimum of what he required. Just like it had been with Rebecca in the end. Only Tony hadn’t even realised it. How fucking dumb was he, getting played like that, again.
Gibbs gaze hardened. “Do you?” He asked.
Tony broke eye contact, breathing in deeply. He couldn’t answer that right now, not without thinking long and hard about whether or not his feelings for Gibbs were genuine or conditioned from his behaviour towards Tony for the past three years.
Gibbs nodded to himself. “We’ll talk about this again when the case is closed. I’ll give you some time, Tony, just remember it was me you were begging to for permission to come last night, me.”
Tony had no answer for that either. He simply stood there as Gibbs exited the room and eventually found the will to crawl beneath the shower. Turning the water temperature up high he attempted to scour the memory of the whip lashing him into submission, into a place where pleasure surpassed pain. He didn’t want to remember how good it felt, it only made him hurt more.
>>>>
Kate arrived on time to work the next day despite the weird night and late hours. With no Tony or Gibbs in sight she went down to the labs to see Abby. Loud music was playing - something sung by a female who screamed into the microphone with an electric guitar and drums to drown her out - and Abby was puttering around her machines and running a finger print simultaneously while she drank CafPow.
“Hey, Abs, you would not believe the night I had!” Kate began.
Abby turned around, a serene smile on her face. Today she wore a black lace choker in place of her normal heavy Gothic collar, a black tee with a skeleton’s ribcage on it under her white lab coat, a pair of tartan print skinny trousers and platform leather boots. It was such a contrast to Kate’s cashmere sweater and new blue jeans, her only jewellery a gold cross on a chain around her throat and a pair of pearl earrings her mother had given her for graduation. That had never bothered Kate, although in light of last night Kate found the similarities between the BDSM scene and Gothic fashion a little disturbing. But Abby was a sweetheart and Kate had befriended her immediately when she had arrived at NCIS, recognising a good person when she saw her. With Tony it had taken a little longer, although she had known him as a good investigator and someone Gibbs trusted. It had helped.
“Let me guess,” Abby said with her usual enthusiasm, “you spent the night at an S&M club pretending to be a Submissive when Tony was propositioned and got spanked so hard he came in Gibbs’ car?”
“Okay, I guess you really are psychic! Abby, how on Earth did you know all that?” Kate was impressed, it was only nine am and already Abby knew as much as Kate did, and Kate had been the one to experience it firsthand. Or rather, witnessing it.
Abby grinned around the straw. “Gibbs and Tony were in at eight. I’ve already been briefed, and am running down a finger print that was found on the collar of Marie, our dead Marine. I am also checking her blood work for toxins and drugs as we speak,” she finished, looking perky as ever.
Kate blinked. “Gibbs and Tony came in together?”
“Uh huh,” Abby nodded. “I think Tony stayed at Gibbs’ place.” At Kate’s startled look, Abby explained, “well he couldn’t leave Tony alone in that state! He was flying high on natural adrenaline!”
“Natural adrenaline?” Kate questioned.
Abby looked at her sympathetically. “I know, it must be hard for you. I’m betting you’re like 98% vanilla. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to find out about a colleague. For you I mean, I’m fine with it!” She bounce, glancing at her screen.
“Hey, I’m not vanilla!” Kate claimed, taking offense at Abby’s words. After the casual easy - maybe even familiar - way in which Gibbs had handled himself last night, Kate felt a little on the defensive. Like she was the only one who couldn’t handle herself in these situations.
“Oh it’s not a bad thing, Kate,” Abby assured her.
“I’ve done stuff,” Kate protested.
“I’m sure. That’s why I said 98% vanilla. Let me guess - you own a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs - possibly a gift by a less conservative female friend of yours - and have used them but only on your partner, you’ve never been cuffed or tied during sex, and have only used the basic of sex toys, probably a vibrator or dildo,” Abby summarized.
“Abby!” Kate sounded scandalised. She wasn’t a prude, but this was at work. For a girls night out it would have been an okay, probably even funny, topic. But not when Gibbs, or even worse Tony, could walk in at any moment. “I need to find Gibbs,” she said.
“Tell him I have a match!” Abby said as her computer beeped.
“Already know, Abs. What you got?” Gibbs strolled in, one arm behind his back as he leaned in to press a chaste kiss on Abby’s forehead.
“Fantastic timing, Gibbs. I have a match on the finger print that was lifted this morning. Our suspect has a criminal record for solicitation when she was younger,” Abby shared.
“What did Tony find out last night?” Kate asked, interrupting Abby’s big reveal.
“That Marie wasn’t a Submissive. She was a Domme. Which changes things, because she never would have worn the collar willingly. It has special meaning to our killer, or he didn’t know enough about the D/s scene to know which way Marie went,” Tony said from the door way.
Kate looked over at him and while she was unable to meet his eyes she could tell that he looked well rested and more at peace than he ever had before during her time at NCIS. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“The match belongs to?” Gibbs prompted Abby.
“One Rebecca March. Her finger print is on record because she was arrested for prostitution when she was nineteen. No other priors and she never served time,” Abby informed them gleefully as she brought up the photograph of their suspect.
Nobody noticed Tony pale, but they all heard him as he spoke loudly, “no.”
“Excuse me, DiNozzo?” Gibbs turned an icy stare on his agent.
Tony was staring at the picture. “Rebecca... that’s my ex. She wouldn’t... it isn’t possible that she could kill someone. Ever. There has to be a mistake or an error or something....”
Abby looked one part sympathetic and three parts offended. “My computer doesn’t lie, Tony. It’s definitely her finger print,” she said.
“Maybe you don’t know her as well as you think you do, DiNozzo?” Gibbs suggested.
Tony shook his head firmly, a humourless laugh escaping his throat. “If only. Trust me, I know that woman more than I know myself, and she isn’t capable of murder.”
“Gibbs,” Abby said tentatively. “I’m not saying I’m wrong, but the finger print could just mean she handled the collar at some point. It doesn’t mean she killed Marie.”
“And it doesn’t fit, right? I mean, if Rebecca is your ex then she was a Domme, so how did she get another Domme alone?” Kate theorised.
“That is a good point. Still, we need to talk to Miss March. Tony, call her. Get her to come in,” Gibbs demanded.
“What about the other evidence, Abs? Anything in there to say definitively whether or not Rebecca was at the crime scene?” Tony asked, desperate not to be put in this situation. This whole case had been a nightmare for Tony from start to finish, and it didn’t look like it was going to be getting any better any time soon.
Abby looked bleak as she recounted her findings. “The blood on the money was the victim Marie’s, the cigarette ends are useless without DNA to compare it too although I can tell you that one did belong to Marie which means that it’s possible she knew her killer at least long enough to socialize while smoking. As for the tread mark… it’s not a well walked area but more than possible that the tread mark doesn’t belong to our killer, although if it does then the killer is possibly male from the make. It’s all in a report on Gibbs desk.”
“Cell phone records… what do they show?” Kate asked, feeling a little sorry for her partner as he stared down the possibility of arresting someone he obviously knew very well.
“I looked over them and there was no unusual activity for that night or unknown numbers that cropped up. She did know Rebecca though, she’s in her phone book, however they did not exchange phone calls or texts on the night in question,” Abby said. “Sorry guys, I guess you’ll have to question Miss March.”
Tony stared at the image of his ex a moment longer, lost in emotions he thought he’d locked away. Their relationship had been... difficult. She’d introduced him to the scene, it had all been so exciting and exotic and scary because he’d finally found somewhere to belong in a way that he’d never believed possible. Growing up with his mother’s death hanging over his and his father’s relationship hadn’t fostered understanding and acceptance, then to have a series of trophy step-wives foisted on him shortly before being sent away to military school hadn’t helped. College had been different, he’d been able to explore and grow on his own terms. Rebecca, though, she had shown him his soul. Before doing her best to destroy it; not out of malice but love. Love was a powerful emotion, and just because someone loved you didn’t mean they were good for you. Tony had learnt that the hard way.
Slowly he realised that everyone else had exited Abby’s lab and it was just her and him, and she was looking at him like he was a kicked puppy. Tony flashed her a DiNozzo smile - fake and oozing charm and self-confidence. “I’ve got a call to make,” he said and turned to the door.
“Tony...” Abby began haltingly. “I... I just want you to know that I’m always here for you, you’re family and if you ever need an ear or a shoulder, or any other body part... well, you know where to find me,” she said, compassion evident in her moist green eyes.
“You’re my family too, Abs,” Tony said softly, leaving her standing there with worry in her heart.
Tony hadn’t been sure he really wanted to call Rebecca, especially since Gibbs had ordered him too. Since their chat last night he’d been re-evaluating all their interactions, questioning and second guessing every inflection of every word and every response. Gibbs had said jump so many times and Tony had always replied ‘how high?’. Was that his eagerness to be a good employee, or the Sub inside of himself trying to impress a potential Dom. Did it even matter if it was the latter? Considering what Gibbs had implied last night Tony no longer knew for sure. However he did know that calling Rebecca was necessary, for the case if nothing else.
She picked up on the third ring, laughter in her voice. She sounded so carefree and happy, and Tony hated to ruin that for her. “This is Rebecca March.”
“Rebecca... it’s me, Tony.”
A pause greeted him. “Tony, my Tony?” Rebecca sounded shocked, the contentment had disappeared from her voice replaced by caution.
“Well, not any more but sure. Look, I know this is unexpected-”
“No,” she interrupted, “it’s fine, I... more than okay. I’m glad you called, Tony,” she added softly.
Tony winced. “Just wait, you’ll change your mind soon enough,” he confided wryly.
“Tony, even the worst news would sound like a blessing coming from you. I always regretted being unable to keep in contact,” she said and Tony sighed deeply. His mind was reliving times when statements like that were why he existed, why he breathed. She had a way of making everything sound genuine, and as if she had only ever said them to you. Maybe that was the truth, Tony didn’t know, he never really had.
“I’m working for NCIS, Rebecca, and you should come and talk to my boss. Something happened and... you’ve been implicated in a crime. Just, come to the Navy Yard and Gibbs will sort everything out as long as you are honest with him,” he said. Gibbs was going to be mad as hell that he had told Rebecca the truth about why she was being questioned, but Tony knew she would come. He still had his cop instincts even if he couldn’t trust his heart anymore.
“God... I... I’ll be right there...” Rebecca hung up on him and Tony hoped she would make it here okay.
Forty minutes later he saw her from a distance as a security guard escorted her to an interrogation room. She looked good, had put on a little weight and it suited her, her black hair was tied back but she’d let it grow over the past few years and it now rested at the centre of her back. Money obviously wasn’t an issue for her, not that it ever had been, since she was dressed in the latest off the cat-walk complete with Prada and Gucci accessories and one carat diamond earrings that had most likely been a gift. She had always dressed well and it was under her tutelage that he discovered an appreciation for fine suits and expensive watches. He attempted to resist temptation but gave in and found his way to the observation room where he could watch Gibbs and Rebecca have it out.
Gibbs was sitting, looking relaxed but no less dangerous for it. He had a cup of coffee in front of himself; black and stout the smell would probably turn Rebecca’s stomach since she never had been able to stand the stuff, she liked genuine English tea and soft drinks, when she wasn’t sampling the most expensive red wine on the menu of course.
Rebecca didn’t seem unnerved, although she clearly wasn’t comfortable. “You must be Gibbs,” she announced, standing near the table.
“Yep,” Gibbs said shortly although not antagonistically.
“Tony mentioned you. He clearly respects you and believes you’ll strive for the truth, so I have no problem talking to you and won’t attempt to hold anything back,” she said, and it sounded almost like a warning. Tony could have laughed except he was too tense, Rebecca obviously thought Gibbs would be shocked by her revelations. Wasn’t she in for a surprise.
“Good,” Gibbs replied. “Where were you yesterday?”
“At what time?” She asked, smiling with painted red lips at the blatant attempt to catch her out. If a suspect knew the time he or she needed an alibi for then it implicated guilt, not always but sometimes.
“Between four and nine am.”
“I was on a flight until seven thirty when my... boyfriend picked me up at the airport, I arrived back at my apartment roughly nine thirty,” she answered honestly.
“So you wouldn’t know anything about a body discovered yesterday with a collar around her neck.”
Rebecca paled and sat down quickly before her legs gave out. “Who... who was it?”
Gibbs eyed her. “Name is Corporal Marie Gunner. Know her?” He pushed a photograph of the dead woman in front of Rebecca and at a glance Rebecca was on the floor, heaving as the contents of her stomach decorated the ground and her tailored skirt.
Gibbs looked straight at the mirror, straight at Tony, and with two fingers beckoned him in. He rushed, and soon he was holding Rebecca as she sobbed and shook and retched, his eyes never leaving the deep enigmatic blue of Gibbs’.
“Tonio?” She whispered, leaning into the warmth of his body.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said.
With a deep breath she gathered herself and found her way back into the seat where he made eye contact with her once upon a time lover. “Sorry, it’s Tony now, right?”
“You spoke to Stabler,” Tony guessed.
“He couldn’t wait to call and brag,” she admitted.
“Of course,” Tony chuckled bitterly.
“I’m sorry about-” she gestured towards the floor.
“It’s fine,” Tony said, “happens all the time,” he added cheerfully.
“Especially to pregnant women,” Gibbs added stoically.
Tony stared at Rebecca in shock while she grimaced wryly. “Yes.”
“So you didn’t kill her. But someone did, and they used a collar with a finger print that belonged to you to do so. Have any enemies, Miss March?” Gibbs got right back to the interview.
“No,” she informed him, “look can I clean up?” She pointed to her skirt.
“No,” Gibbs replied.
“Fine,” Rebecca sighed. “Just... I don’t understand. If you think I’m innocent then what am I doing here? I want to be alone right now,” she said.
“Just because you didn’t kill her doesn’t mean you don’t know something that could help,” Tony explained gently.
“I’ve been out of the country for a week, ask my boss if you don’t believe me. And I would never hurt anyone, least of all Marie. She was a good friend,” Rebecca said.
“You wouldn’t hurt a fly, right. Unless someone asked you to hurt them?” Gibbs pointed out sarcastically.
She flushed. “Right. Well, that’s different. Besides, Marie’s like me, she’d never be collared willingly as part of a scene.”
“We know,” Gibbs said. “A good friend... good enough to tell you if she was seeing someone?”
“Casual one nighters, mostly picked up at the club that we used to frequent,” Rebecca said.
“Why would your fingerprint be on the collar?”
“I own several. Some just for play, black leather ones easy to remove while being sturdy, as well as several more decorative ones. But I keep them locked away in my bedroom at home,” Rebecca shrugged, her eyes cloudy with unshed tears.
“Does anyone except you have access to these collars?”
“Of course. Sebastian, my boyfriend but... don’t even think it. He would never hurt anyone,” she defended him as Tony and Gibbs exchanged a look that said they had found their main suspect.
“He’s a sub right, he would have more success at getting Marie alone than another Domme would,” Gibbs theorized out loud.
“There’s no harm in talking to him, Rebecca, if he’s innocent it’ll clear his name and we’ll look for another lead,” Tony said.
“No, leave us alone. We don’t need this, these accusations. You think we’re freaks because we enjoy ourselves in different ways than what is typically considered normal but you just have a narrower understanding of love than we do. Just because we’re in the scene doesn’t mean we enjoy causing pain, especially not to the point where someone gets murdered,” Rebecca said, standing up and striding towards the door.
“I haven’t got an issue with what happens between two consenting adults, Miss March, but someone killed Marie Gunnar and I will get to the bottom of this,” Gibbs declared. Rebecca left then, with distress all over her features. Gibbs glared silently after her.
Chapter Three: The Truth Hurts…
Gibbs was certain that Rebecca’s boyfriend was their suspect, but no matter how much digging around and investigating Kate and Tony did they couldn’t turn up any other leads which suggested a link to Sebastian, and they definitely lacked evidence strong enough to arrest him, after all his fingerprints were absent from the collar. However together with the foot print which after comparison and further analysis could belong to a man the size of Sebastian and had definitely been left there that day due to Abby’s research on rainfall, Gibbs believed they had enough to at least bring him in for questioning. As a courtesy Tony gave Rebecca one last call and asked her to bring her lover in to avoid the embarrassment of a police raid on her house. She agreed, reluctantly and clearly holding a grudge.
The next day she arrived with Sebastian intent on proving their complete innocence.
Rebecca held her Sub’s hand as they stood by Gibbs’ desk. She had done the right thing by bringing him in, but by her self-righteous expression she clearly thought this was a mere formality and would easily be resolved to her liking. However Tony had reviewed the evidence, it didn’t look good for this guy especially as only he had access to the collar barring Rebecca, and Tony took an instant dislike to him based on sight alone. Maybe it was the disgustingly devoted glance he cast in Rebecca’s direction, or the clothes he wore (expensive, obviously Rebecca’s taste) or maybe it was the silver jeweled collar he wore proudly around his neck. This was a man who defined himself by his controversial definition of sexuality, and wasn’t ashamed or worried about what others would think of him. Tony would never be this man, and murderer aside that was something that actually hurt him because although he had his own battles to fight with inner acceptance of his Submissive nature, he wanted to come out victorious and be as comfortable in his own skin as Kate already assumed he was. Charming playboy Anthony DiNozzo Junior was a façade six days out of the week and his bare neck would never let him forget it.
“Ready?” Tony asked, making his presence known as he stepped up from behind them.
“Ready to get this over with so we can return to our lives,” Rebecca said, eyes challenging.
Tony bit the inside of his lip. “Right, just come this way please,” he said politely and proceeded to escort them to the interview rooms where Gibbs had told him to put them. Tony left them inside the interrogation room and escaped to observe on the other side of the glass two way mirror joining his boss.
Gibbs watched the couple with impressively expressionless blue eyes as he gulped the last of his coffee down. “I want you to do the interrogation,” he announced, not even turning to check that it was Tony who entered the room.
“Any particular reason, Boss?” Tony asked, knowing that he would usually jump at the chance before question the word of Gibbs.
“He’ll see you as a challenge, someone who is a threat to him and his relationship with Rebecca. With me he’ll either try to impress me or shy away from communication because he’ll think that he’s betraying Rebecca. Just remember, DiNozzo you’re an agent, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a Sub and an agent,” Gibbs said, the explanation unusually long for him. Tony nodded at his boss before getting on his game face and walking into the interrogation room.
“You’ll have to leave now, Rebecca,” Tony said, standing near the door and keeping his tone professional verging on the cold.
Her mouth tightened. It was odd that she’d been allowed to get this far with the suspect, however Gibbs had wanted to see them interact. It was an important piece of the puzzle. “Okay, now I want you to tell the truth, Sebastian, they can’t hurt us,” she told him, kissing his lips as he pressed a hand against her slightly rounded stomach where the child they had created was growing.
He nodded, looking lost and petulant as the door closed behind her and he was left alone with Tony. DiNozzo pulled up a chair and loomed over Sebastian, intimidating him. Then he waited.
It was maybe three minutes, perhaps five, before he deigned to speak. “You were the only one with access to the collection of collars that Rebecca keeps, correct?” He asked.
“Yes,” Sebastian said, his voice low but clear, his dark brown eyes roaming the room as he avoided making eye contact with Tony.
“You were alone the night of the murder?” Tony continued.
“Two nights ago? Yes, Rebecca was out of town,” he said.
“Which gives her an alibi but leaves you without one, see where I’m going with this?” Tony said, his tone sharp.
Sebastian glared. “Did you kill her?”
A pause. Then a surprise. “Yes,” Sebastian admitted and Tony almost keeled over from shock.
“Is that a confession?” Tony asked, struggling to keep his voice neutral.
“Rebecca said to tell the truth,” the submissive said, and now that he was making eye contact, Tony kind of wished he wasn’t. It was one of those moments, so rare in his line of work, where you could literally look into the eyes of a madman and see their pain and delusion twisted up inside creating their own reality, one in which everything they did was perfectly reasonable. Most people thought that you could see killers, know them by their greasy hair or irregular ears or whatever physical feature fashionably denoted oddness. It wasn’t true. Murderers, even the most vicious or insane, looked normal, indistinguishable for the most part from anyone else on the street. Sebastian was an exception to the rule.
“And the truth is that you killed Marie Gunnar?”
“Was that her name? All I knew was that she was mean. Didn’t want me, laughed and made out like I was a bad Submissive. Bitch. She didn’t deserve to be called a Domme. So I made sure no one would ever kneel to her again,” Sebastian smiled then. “Can I go home now?”
Tony guessed this guy’s lawyer would be going for the insanity defense, and having spent ten minutes alone with him Tony would say he had a chance. He finished off the interview and exited the interrogation room feeling sick instead of relieved.
When most cases were solved he wanted to celebrate, even if it was nothing more than having the pressure off for a couple of hours or a day or two, but this would be one that would haunt him. Not because he believed there was anything that could have been done to prevent this, Sebastian was a sick, disturbed individual who needed locking up and medicating, but because it hit so close to home. His ex-Domme, his club, his kind of people. He was going to need more than a stiff drink to put it all behind him.
“I’m sorry,” he said to Rebecca as Gibbs arrested Sebastian and read the confused man his Miranda rights.
“Why? You didn’t murder one of my friends,” she said, tear tracks running down her cheeks. Her hands rested protectively over her stomach, and Tony was reminded that he wouldn’t be the only one who had a rough night. Rebecca had lost the man she loved, her own sense of trust, and the future she and her unborn child had hoped for.
“I… it makes it worse that Marie even warned me about Seb… obviously not that he was a psychopath, just… she didn’t think he was good for me. I thought she was jealous that I’d found the perfect submissive, and to be honest I didn’t want to analyze his behavior too closely after how our relationship ended. We were so awful together that I just thought karma was kicking in and sending me the perfect man,” she said, a bitter twist to her smile as more tears squeezed their way out of her eyes.
“Rebecca… there is no such thing as perfect,” Tony said, unable to find anything comforting to add.
“Yeah,” she agreed, a hollow sound.
Chapter Four: … So Does Love
Tony stood at Gibbs’s front door, rain running down his face as he panted from the run. This was something he was running towards, not from, for the first time in years and he knew it was where he needed to be. He knocked on the door even though he knew that Gibbs never locked it. He was going to do this right, which included asking permission to come inside. Moments later Gibbs opened the door, barefoot, clad in worn jogging pants and a warn NIS t-shirt that fit his broad chest snugly in a way that increased Tony’s heart beat. Licking his lips and raining his eyes to Gibbs’ he spoke.
“May I come inside?” He asked.
Gibbs looked at him, staring him down like he was a suspect being interrogated. Tony never flinched, never even blinked, his intent and honestly shining in his ridiculously attractive green eyes. “Are you sure you want this, Tony?” Gibbs asked, his gentle voice a juxtaposition to the way he was looking at Tony.
Tony didn’t need any more time to think, he’d spent two years thinking. “Yes,” he breathed, and Gibbs pulled him inside by the lapel of his suit jacket and crushed his lips, allowing them to taste each other for the first time. The kiss was desperate and all consuming and it made Tony go weak in the knees. Gibbs pushed them up against the wall and Tony melted into his solid form. Then, without warning Gibbs ripped himself away from Tony who collapsed on the floor, a dazed mass of want and longing. He blinked up at his boss, his lover and his Dom with lust bright eyes.
“Why am I doing all the work, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked, and Tony could have laughed if he’d been less aroused. He should have known Gibbs would be the type to keep him guessing. Despite how well Tony knew Gibbs, the man never ceased to teach him something new.
“Tell me what you want,” Tony said, trying not to sound like he was begging after just one kiss, albeit one exceedingly hot kiss.
Gibbs’ voice might be ‘all work’ but this eyes were soft and appreciative as he took his time looking over Tony, still on the floor. “This can’t be all one way, Tony, I’m not here to boss you about. Being a Dom is more than just ordering someone around and getting off on it. It’s about looking after you, letting yourself be looked after. The following my orders stuff you already do at work every day, I’ve got you all trained up for that,” Gibbs said and Tony felt the heart behind the words penetrate the fog of lust that had filled his head.
“Okay,” he agreed. “But can we get to the kinky sex first please?” He said, not even bothering to hide the begging tone of his voice this time.
“Come on,” Gibbs hid a smile as he turned away from Tony and walked up stairs to his bedroom, secure in the knowledge that Tony would follow. He always did.
“Kneel,” Gibbs ordered as soon as Tony appeared in the doorway.
Tony fell to his knees too quickly, wincing as pain shot through him. He wasn’t as young as he had been when he had started this with Rebecca, and she had been the only one else he had ever given himself to like this. Gibbs was watching his every move, Tony knew this as well as he knew his own name and he felt it even though he positioned his head so that his eyes were on the floorboards.
“Hard limits?” Gibbs asked.
“Bodily fluids… apart from sperm… chastity devices… age and animal play,” he thought hard about them, because he knew he trusted Gibbs more than he had ever trusted Rebecca. Some of them were pure turn offs, including animal/age play and anything involving urine or scat, blood play he was just pure terrified off. But the restriction of using chastity devices was about trust, he had no problem with the occasional use of them but he wanted to be with someone who trusted him not to fool around with anyone else rather than relying on him being incapable of betraying them intimately.
“Soft limits,” Gibbs asked, no inflection in his voice to show he’d registered any of what Tony had just revealed about himself. Tony knew though that Gibbs would have committed that to memory, and he trusted him to have.
“Extreme pain play like cock torture… blindfolds… gags… sensory deprivation and bondage that lasts more than three hours,” with Rebecca those had soon become his hard limits. He had found the removal of his senses disturbing, and without the ability to speak he could not safe-word or scream for help. Perhaps he would be willing to work out some of these issues with Gibbs… if Gibbs wanted to.
“Those are comprehensive lists. One more thing, safe word?”
“I…” he hesitated, then decided to play it safe, “red for stop, yellow for slow down and green for okay,” he said, hoping he wouldn’t be called on it.
Gibbs paused. “That’ll do for now,” he said, and circled Tony.
“Is this your standard kneel? Could be a little straighter,” Gibbs observed.
“Sorry, haven’t done this in a while,” Tony bit out, peeved that his posture was being called into question. Still he straightened his back and spread his knees more for balance.
“Did I ask for your opinion?” Gibbs said. Tony felt him then, paused behind him his body heat a tangible sensation against Tony’s back, and suddenly hot breath was on his face as Gibbs added, “relax, Tony, this is supposed to be about having a good time.”
He didn’t reply, but it lightened his heart a little after all the talk of safe words and limits that reminded him of what he and Rebecca never really had; trust. He trusted Gibbs and that was why this was going to be different. It had to be, otherwise a part of him would break.
“I want you to suck my dick, Tony, and not because it will feel good but because you want to be here,” Gibbs told him, now seated on the edge of the bed with his fly open. Tony scooted closer, still on his knees, and started to mouth his boss’s cock, lick and kiss and then he was taking it as deep as he could without choking, drawing on memories of college days before he had been Rebecca’s, back when he had enjoyed giving head. Even as he did this he struggled to understand the inference in Gibbs’ command. What did it matter if he was sucking Gibbs’ cock because it would bring his boss to orgasm or because Tony wanted to be here, especially when they were both true and had the same result. Hell, how could Gibbs even tell the difference? Sucking cock was sucking cock, wasn’t it?
“Tony, I need your head in the game,” Gibbs said, and Tony stepped up his effort to make Gibbs come, sucking harder and using all the tricks of the trade. Somehow he was missing something, because Gibbs wasn’t making all the noises he should be while receiving a Tony DiNozzo deluxe blow job. Eventually Gibbs came, and Tony swallowed every drop down like a pro and knelt back, not daring to look up at his sated boss.
“That was interesting,” Gibbs said, not sounding pleased. “Tony, I need you to stop kneeling now. Just be yourself. Just be DiNozzo and I’m just Gibbs. Not Dom and Sub, not right now.”
Tony looked up sharply and met Gibbs’ cloudy blue eyes. “What? Did I do something wrong? You came didn’t you, wasn’t that the fucking point?” Until the words left his mouth he hadn’t realized he was angry, or still angry he should say. He’d been more than a little pissed when Gibbs had revealed that he’d used what he’d known about Tony’s sexuality at work to ensure he did a good job, he guessed he still was.
Gibbs looked unimpressed by his display of temper. “Actually no, that wasn’t the point. Didn’t you hear me when I said do it because you want to be here? You made all the right noises down stairs, DiNozzo, but so far you haven’t enjoyed yourself and that is part of the problem. You think you trust me enough to learn what it is to truly Submit to someone, but you don’t.”
With that crippling description of Tony’s emotional capabilities he was off the floor and backing away from Gibbs who hadn’t moved from the bed, not even to zip himself up. “Screw you, I subbed for Rebecca for years before I even met you. I know all about being a Submissive.”
“I’m sure you do. But you don’t know how to Submit. Tony, being a Submissive is who you are, it doesn’t make you weak or handicapped in anyway. Submissives are just as strong or even stronger than Dominants, because their emotional journey involves a deep level of trust. I’m guessing Rebecca betrayed that trust in some way which is why you have avoided being in that scene for so long, but if you want this then you need to tell me about your past,” Gibbs said.
“No. No, that’s not something I care to talk about,” Tony said, voice like an Arctic winter.
“Then you don’t really want to be here,” Gibbs declared.
Tony was torn, but his anger was only amplified by that. “How the hell can you make that kind of assertion about me, you don’t know what I’m feeling you just assume, like you just assumed because I got a few head slaps that I’d stick around and be your loyal puppy,” he snapped.
“This isn’t about how I treat you at work Tony, this is about how Rebecca treated you. I already know she threatened to lend you out to others, I gathered as much from your conversation with Stabler, and I guess that she did at least once or he wouldn’t have believed he had a chance. What else did she do, Tony?”
“None of your business,” he said firmly.
“Then get the hell out,” Gibbs replied, and Tony did as he was told.
>>>>
It was still raining, of course. Tony walked for a while before fishing out his cell and calling a taxi. He knew where he needed to go, where he could find a friend.
“Tony? What are you doing here? You’re all wet come on in,” Abby said as she let him inside.
“Thanks, Abs,” Tony said as he settled himself down on the sofa. “I just... need a bed for tonight, if that’s okay,” he added awkwardly.
“What’s the matter, boss man kicked you out of his?” She joked.
Tony winced. “Actually, yeah.”
“Really? I find that difficult to believe. I mean, you two have practically been together since you started at NCIS, even though I know you weren’t sleeping together.”
“You think so? Then why am I hear instead of in his bed,” Tony asked, sounding pathetic and defeated.
“I don’t know, honey, why are you here?” Abby asked sympathetically.
“I just need a friend. He said some things... they made me angry, so I walked out,” he confessed, feeling shame creep in under the fury that had fuel his escape. Not just shame though, also a small amount of disappointment and humiliation that Gibbs had chucked him out. He clearly wasn’t good enough for his boss and it stung like hell.
“Maybe they made you angry because they were true. Look, you know you’re my Tony and I love you, I love Gibbs too and I want you guys to be happy. You could be happy together, so just think on it. In the mean time I’ll make us some hot cocoa and we can have a film fest,” she smiled and Tony couldn’t help but smile back even as her words hit him hard.
Abby and Tony sat down to watch the film, and eventually he stopped thinking about Gibbs and Rebecca and lost himself in the mindless violence of the horror flick that Abby seemed to be enjoying immensely. He slept on the sofa, a pull out that didn’t see much use since Abby’s usually guests were the type who shared her bed, or rather coffin, with her. In the morning he knew he had to face work, and that was something terrifying because he still didn’t know how to deal with Gibbs. Gibbs had claimed he didn’t trust him enough, and Tony could concede in the cold light of day that maybe that was true. It didn’t help though. He still wanted to be on his knees for Gibbs, and he still couldn’t manage to discuss Rebecca with him.
His heart was beating fast as he entered NCIS office and found his way to his desk. An empty cup of coffee sat at Gibbs desk but the man himself was missing. Kate was ignoring the tension in the office, probably understanding now how too mnay questions could get answers that she did not want to hear. By lunch Gibbs was still unseen and Tony, who despite his own inner battle which had yet to be won, was frustrated enough with his boss’s disappearing act to go on a hunt for him.
Tony found Gibbs in autopsy, with Ducky and Gerald absent probably having lunch like most normal people in the building. Being a part of Gibbs’ team meant that for the most part ‘normal’ didn’t apply to him. Breathing in deep he allowed his anger to spill out and give him the courage to confront his boss. “Why do you need to have every last scrap of me? Why can’t you just accept the pieces I can give you?” He asked.
Gibbs have him a steady look. “Is this really a conversation you want to be having here, DiNozzo?” Gibbs questioned him.
“There’s only so long that you can keep the elevator on ‘stop’ before people call the maintenance guys,” Tony pointed out. He needed to have this conversation now, he couldn’t deal with the tension every day all day.
“Then in reply to your question, I expect you to give me all of yourself because that is the way relationships work, Tony. Any relationship, vanilla, straight, gay, married or Dom and Sub. I want all of you, Tony, and I’m not going to settle for anything else,” Gibbs moved towards him, keeping eye contact and Tony found himself breathing a little faster. How could he have denied this attraction to his boss for so long, especially when he now found it so potent.
“What happened with Rebecca, Tony, is just as much a part of you as what will happen with us,” Gibbs said softly, and Tony didn’t think he had ever heard Gibbs use that particular tone with him.
“You sound so sure that there will be an ‘us’, especially since you threw me out last night,” Tony bit out breathlessly.
“You needed some time to think about what you really want, realise what I really want and if you can meet my criteria. But you came, Tony, and gave yourself to me. I’m not ready to let you go now,” Gibbs said, stepping so close that Tony could feel the heat of the older man’s body through his clothes.
“I...,” Tony swallowed, this wasn’t going as imagined. He had wanted to shout and rant, to make Gibbs bend to his will instead he was fast succumbing to Gibbs’s wants. Was this what it was to submit? Or was this something else, a slow seduction of Tony’s willpower, the erosion of his doubts and fears until all he felt was Gibbs’ all consuming presence, and the knowledge that whatever had happened to him, Gibbs would make it better just because he belonged to Gibbs.
“You can tell me, Tony,” Gibbs said and despite the gentle tone it was definitely an order.
“I came in here convinced that I couldn’t but... I do trust you Gibbs. I want to show you how much,” Tony admitted, and he breathed in a deep breath that felt like freedom.
Gibbs brought his hands up to cup Tony’s face, caressing and reassuring. “Tonight, we’ll talk tonight but there will be no backing out of discussion and no kinky sex without full disclosure. I want all of you Tony, and tonight you are going to learn how to give that to me,” he whispered and kissed Tony so carefully , like he was fragile glass about to shatter.
They returned to their desks to carry on with paper work, all the while Tony’s nerves grew about tonight. If he bared his soul would Gibbs still want him? The man seemed pretty sure that nothing Tony could tell him would repulse him or cause him to reject Tony, but he didn’t know yet.
They took Gibbs’ car, leaving Tony’s at the Naval Yard. Whether this was a gesture of control and care-taking on Gibbs’ behalf or a removal of an escape route he was unsure. It hadn’t stopped him last night, but he had no intention of running away. Yesterday he had come under the illusion that he would be sharing only as much of himself as he had with Rebecca, today he understood that Gibbs wasn’t going to except his meagre offerings and wanted more. He actually wanted all of Tony, in a way no one else ever had. So he would give him all, and if it all turned to hell then at least Tony knew he had tried for once in his life.
“Tell me how you met her,” Gibbs asked once they had eaten a stake cooked by his boss. They were seated on the couch now, with Tony in physical contact with Gibbs, his boss’s hand carding through his fine hair as Tony lay back on the other man. No eye contact, he wondered if that would help.
“I was with the Peoria PD, only joined a few months before. It was a co-worker’s bachelor party and we went somewhere a bit racy, a club with Ds elements even if it wasn’t exclusively for that clientele. We thought it was really kinky at the time, although now I realise it was just cheap illusion and playing dress up. Rebecca was there with a group of friends, she looked bored and I decided I was the one who could entertain her. I went up to her, all swagger and charm but when I reached her she just turned and gave me this look, like I was doing it all wrong and she was waiting for me to get it right... It really freaked me out and I found myself avoiding her for the rest of the night. It turns out she enjoys the chase though, since she tracked me down a week later. She recognised a few of my buddies from the prescient, knew I was a cop. She said I should meet her for lunch, and I was so surprised that she’d gone to such lengths to find me that I agreed. She took me somewhere expensive, paid, and again I found myself more than a little surprised at how I was taking it all. She didn’t make me feel emasculated, or like I couldn’t pay, just... like she really wanted to pay because she wanted to share this experience with me. Everything she did was with an energy of honesty and self-belief, she made me feel special every time she looked at me.”
Tony paused. “I suppose everyone she meets feels that way, it’s naive to assume that I’m the only one. Still, I was naive, just twenty two and desperate to please. At first it was all very vanilla, then she started introducing me to her friends and I saw another type of life, one that I hadn’t even dreamed of even after getting hold of kinky magazines. She never forced me to be a part of it. After a while I became frustrated that she wasn’t sharing that part of her life with me and demanded she let me. And she did.”
He stopped talking then, because in a way that was the end of the story, or at least the end of one part. That was when it had been good and exciting and new.
“Did you like it?” Gibbs asked.
Tony looked round at his new Dom. “Of course, I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t. At least in the beginning. It took me a while to learn how to take orders in bed, and sometimes some of the things she said just made me laugh. I couldn’t help it. But like I said, I was eager to please and she made me feel special so with her patience I soon learned to be what she wanted. Submissive. We moved away from Peoria because she had grown board of the scene there and on to Philadelphia. After a year or so things started to settle down into a pattern, which was when she got bored. She wanted more thrills, to push my boundaries. After I ended up in hospital because I hadn’t felt comfortable safe-wording even though I knew I was in danger we moved to Baltimore, which is where everything fell apart. I safe worded more than ever, my boundaries grew so that our dynamics were almost completely incompatible. She thought that if I could be with someone else which she watched that maybe I would learn to trust her again... it didn’t work and she got a reputation as someone who would share. She did everything she could to fix the problem... in the end I asked her to let me go and she agreed.”
Silence. Gibbs had stopped caressing him and Tony held his breath, wondering if this would be the time when Gibbs realised that Tony was too broken to keep. “She put you in hospital?” Gibbs asked, his tone hard.
Tony tried to sit up but a restraining arm wouldn’t allow it. He lay back down and Gibbs resumed his strangle comforting petting. “I put myself in hospital, Gibbs. I’m aware of my own limits, I didn’t safe word when I should have.”
“You’re right, and I hope that never happens ever again. But she should never have allowed it to get to the point that you needed medical care. It was her job to take care of you, your job to trust her to do that. I won’t ever fail you like that,” Gibbs swore.
“You... You still want me?” Tony asked.
“Of course,” Gibbs said, frowning. “Haven’t I already made myself clear?”
“Even though I allowed myself to be shared with someone else?” He said.
“Did you enjoy that?”
“I... no,” Tony admitted.
“There is no wrong answer Tony. I would have accepted it if you had said yes, although I’m a little glad you said no since I never intend to share you. You’ve told me your limits, I should share mine. I require undying trust, unquestioning loyalty, and for you to never allow yourself to be in a situation where someone other than e touches you intimately, excepting doctors of course. I’m possessive, Tony, I’m sure that isn’t a surprise. When I love someone, I hold them tight and never let them go. I wasn’t able to love my ex-wives because I was holding on to my first wife Shannon, but with you I know that I can love her and love you at the same time,” Gibbs explained.
Tony’s heart swelled. He felt at peace with himself and his heart for the first time ever. “I love you too, boss,” he confessed as Gibbs smiled down at him and leaned in to kiss him. Everything would be okay, because Tony had learnt to trust and Gibbs had opened his heart to love him.
Tony was glad that his boss did not offer him the collar that had choked him just a few years ago, they both knew who was the Submissive here and Tony trusted Gibbs enough not to need the physical symbol of claiming. There never was an ending that felt more like a beginning, at least for Tony and Gibbs.
Chapter Two: The Morning After The Night Before
Tony woke up feeling better than he had for the past three years. No, longer. Since the glory days of him and Rebecca, back when he hadn’t needed to safe word because everything they did felt like a one way ticket to heaven. He was wrapped warmly in a comfortable big bed, one that smelt nothing like his own. He breathed deeply and his sluggish brain eventually recognised the scent as belonging to his boss. Then everything came back to him.
Shit.
Tony rolled over, blinking in the natural morning light filtering in through open curtains. Gibbs was sat in a comfortable looking chair near the bed, watching Tony, coffee in hand and already showered and dressed. He stared at his employee, waiting for Tony to make the first move.
Tony sprung out of bed, ignoring his own near nudity, what was left of his tattered modesty kept by only a pair of jog pants that obviously belonged to Gibbs. He faced his... his what? Protector? Boss? Friend? None of those words fit.
“You knew,” Tony’s voice was faintly accusing, pain and barely restrained anger hidden behind his blank face, his hands curled into fists that Gibbs knew wouldn’t hit him, not now, not ever. He knew, he had always known.
“I figured it was why you stayed as long as you did,” Gibbs confessed, no shame or apology in his voice. Tony was a Submissive, through and through. Rebecca may not have been strong enough to keep him in her life, but Gibbs had known from the moment he interviewed Tony and saw the pale tan line of the missing collar that he was strong enough to keep Tony by his side as an investigator.
“You mean the head slaps? The sparsely handed out praise? You figured, hey he likes getting tied up for sex he won’t mind a few head games to keep him in line!” Tony ranted. He was getting more aggravated with every confession.
Gibbs shrugged. “You seemed content enough.”
“Content? Sure, why not. I was getting what I needed without the complication of sex. But did you ever think I wanted more? I wanted you?” Tony asked, bitterly. He felt like he had been played, like Gibbs had used his knowledge about Tony’s sex life in order to get what he wanted - a competent devoted second in command - while giving Tony the bare minimum of what he required. Just like it had been with Rebecca in the end. Only Tony hadn’t even realised it. How fucking dumb was he, getting played like that, again.
Gibbs gaze hardened. “Do you?” He asked.
Tony broke eye contact, breathing in deeply. He couldn’t answer that right now, not without thinking long and hard about whether or not his feelings for Gibbs were genuine or conditioned from his behaviour towards Tony for the past three years.
Gibbs nodded to himself. “We’ll talk about this again when the case is closed. I’ll give you some time, Tony, just remember it was me you were begging to for permission to come last night, me.”
Tony had no answer for that either. He simply stood there as Gibbs exited the room and eventually found the will to crawl beneath the shower. Turning the water temperature up high he attempted to scour the memory of the whip lashing him into submission, into a place where pleasure surpassed pain. He didn’t want to remember how good it felt, it only made him hurt more.
>>>>
Kate arrived on time to work the next day despite the weird night and late hours. With no Tony or Gibbs in sight she went down to the labs to see Abby. Loud music was playing - something sung by a female who screamed into the microphone with an electric guitar and drums to drown her out - and Abby was puttering around her machines and running a finger print simultaneously while she drank CafPow.
“Hey, Abs, you would not believe the night I had!” Kate began.
Abby turned around, a serene smile on her face. Today she wore a black lace choker in place of her normal heavy Gothic collar, a black tee with a skeleton’s ribcage on it under her white lab coat, a pair of tartan print skinny trousers and platform leather boots. It was such a contrast to Kate’s cashmere sweater and new blue jeans, her only jewellery a gold cross on a chain around her throat and a pair of pearl earrings her mother had given her for graduation. That had never bothered Kate, although in light of last night Kate found the similarities between the BDSM scene and Gothic fashion a little disturbing. But Abby was a sweetheart and Kate had befriended her immediately when she had arrived at NCIS, recognising a good person when she saw her. With Tony it had taken a little longer, although she had known him as a good investigator and someone Gibbs trusted. It had helped.
“Let me guess,” Abby said with her usual enthusiasm, “you spent the night at an S&M club pretending to be a Submissive when Tony was propositioned and got spanked so hard he came in Gibbs’ car?”
“Okay, I guess you really are psychic! Abby, how on Earth did you know all that?” Kate was impressed, it was only nine am and already Abby knew as much as Kate did, and Kate had been the one to experience it firsthand. Or rather, witnessing it.
Abby grinned around the straw. “Gibbs and Tony were in at eight. I’ve already been briefed, and am running down a finger print that was found on the collar of Marie, our dead Marine. I am also checking her blood work for toxins and drugs as we speak,” she finished, looking perky as ever.
Kate blinked. “Gibbs and Tony came in together?”
“Uh huh,” Abby nodded. “I think Tony stayed at Gibbs’ place.” At Kate’s startled look, Abby explained, “well he couldn’t leave Tony alone in that state! He was flying high on natural adrenaline!”
“Natural adrenaline?” Kate questioned.
Abby looked at her sympathetically. “I know, it must be hard for you. I’m betting you’re like 98% vanilla. It’s not exactly the easiest thing to find out about a colleague. For you I mean, I’m fine with it!” She bounce, glancing at her screen.
“Hey, I’m not vanilla!” Kate claimed, taking offense at Abby’s words. After the casual easy - maybe even familiar - way in which Gibbs had handled himself last night, Kate felt a little on the defensive. Like she was the only one who couldn’t handle herself in these situations.
“Oh it’s not a bad thing, Kate,” Abby assured her.
“I’ve done stuff,” Kate protested.
“I’m sure. That’s why I said 98% vanilla. Let me guess - you own a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs - possibly a gift by a less conservative female friend of yours - and have used them but only on your partner, you’ve never been cuffed or tied during sex, and have only used the basic of sex toys, probably a vibrator or dildo,” Abby summarized.
“Abby!” Kate sounded scandalised. She wasn’t a prude, but this was at work. For a girls night out it would have been an okay, probably even funny, topic. But not when Gibbs, or even worse Tony, could walk in at any moment. “I need to find Gibbs,” she said.
“Tell him I have a match!” Abby said as her computer beeped.
“Already know, Abs. What you got?” Gibbs strolled in, one arm behind his back as he leaned in to press a chaste kiss on Abby’s forehead.
“Fantastic timing, Gibbs. I have a match on the finger print that was lifted this morning. Our suspect has a criminal record for solicitation when she was younger,” Abby shared.
“What did Tony find out last night?” Kate asked, interrupting Abby’s big reveal.
“That Marie wasn’t a Submissive. She was a Domme. Which changes things, because she never would have worn the collar willingly. It has special meaning to our killer, or he didn’t know enough about the D/s scene to know which way Marie went,” Tony said from the door way.
Kate looked over at him and while she was unable to meet his eyes she could tell that he looked well rested and more at peace than he ever had before during her time at NCIS. She wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“The match belongs to?” Gibbs prompted Abby.
“One Rebecca March. Her finger print is on record because she was arrested for prostitution when she was nineteen. No other priors and she never served time,” Abby informed them gleefully as she brought up the photograph of their suspect.
Nobody noticed Tony pale, but they all heard him as he spoke loudly, “no.”
“Excuse me, DiNozzo?” Gibbs turned an icy stare on his agent.
Tony was staring at the picture. “Rebecca... that’s my ex. She wouldn’t... it isn’t possible that she could kill someone. Ever. There has to be a mistake or an error or something....”
Abby looked one part sympathetic and three parts offended. “My computer doesn’t lie, Tony. It’s definitely her finger print,” she said.
“Maybe you don’t know her as well as you think you do, DiNozzo?” Gibbs suggested.
Tony shook his head firmly, a humourless laugh escaping his throat. “If only. Trust me, I know that woman more than I know myself, and she isn’t capable of murder.”
“Gibbs,” Abby said tentatively. “I’m not saying I’m wrong, but the finger print could just mean she handled the collar at some point. It doesn’t mean she killed Marie.”
“And it doesn’t fit, right? I mean, if Rebecca is your ex then she was a Domme, so how did she get another Domme alone?” Kate theorised.
“That is a good point. Still, we need to talk to Miss March. Tony, call her. Get her to come in,” Gibbs demanded.
“What about the other evidence, Abs? Anything in there to say definitively whether or not Rebecca was at the crime scene?” Tony asked, desperate not to be put in this situation. This whole case had been a nightmare for Tony from start to finish, and it didn’t look like it was going to be getting any better any time soon.
Abby looked bleak as she recounted her findings. “The blood on the money was the victim Marie’s, the cigarette ends are useless without DNA to compare it too although I can tell you that one did belong to Marie which means that it’s possible she knew her killer at least long enough to socialize while smoking. As for the tread mark… it’s not a well walked area but more than possible that the tread mark doesn’t belong to our killer, although if it does then the killer is possibly male from the make. It’s all in a report on Gibbs desk.”
“Cell phone records… what do they show?” Kate asked, feeling a little sorry for her partner as he stared down the possibility of arresting someone he obviously knew very well.
“I looked over them and there was no unusual activity for that night or unknown numbers that cropped up. She did know Rebecca though, she’s in her phone book, however they did not exchange phone calls or texts on the night in question,” Abby said. “Sorry guys, I guess you’ll have to question Miss March.”
Tony stared at the image of his ex a moment longer, lost in emotions he thought he’d locked away. Their relationship had been... difficult. She’d introduced him to the scene, it had all been so exciting and exotic and scary because he’d finally found somewhere to belong in a way that he’d never believed possible. Growing up with his mother’s death hanging over his and his father’s relationship hadn’t fostered understanding and acceptance, then to have a series of trophy step-wives foisted on him shortly before being sent away to military school hadn’t helped. College had been different, he’d been able to explore and grow on his own terms. Rebecca, though, she had shown him his soul. Before doing her best to destroy it; not out of malice but love. Love was a powerful emotion, and just because someone loved you didn’t mean they were good for you. Tony had learnt that the hard way.
Slowly he realised that everyone else had exited Abby’s lab and it was just her and him, and she was looking at him like he was a kicked puppy. Tony flashed her a DiNozzo smile - fake and oozing charm and self-confidence. “I’ve got a call to make,” he said and turned to the door.
“Tony...” Abby began haltingly. “I... I just want you to know that I’m always here for you, you’re family and if you ever need an ear or a shoulder, or any other body part... well, you know where to find me,” she said, compassion evident in her moist green eyes.
“You’re my family too, Abs,” Tony said softly, leaving her standing there with worry in her heart.
Tony hadn’t been sure he really wanted to call Rebecca, especially since Gibbs had ordered him too. Since their chat last night he’d been re-evaluating all their interactions, questioning and second guessing every inflection of every word and every response. Gibbs had said jump so many times and Tony had always replied ‘how high?’. Was that his eagerness to be a good employee, or the Sub inside of himself trying to impress a potential Dom. Did it even matter if it was the latter? Considering what Gibbs had implied last night Tony no longer knew for sure. However he did know that calling Rebecca was necessary, for the case if nothing else.
She picked up on the third ring, laughter in her voice. She sounded so carefree and happy, and Tony hated to ruin that for her. “This is Rebecca March.”
“Rebecca... it’s me, Tony.”
A pause greeted him. “Tony, my Tony?” Rebecca sounded shocked, the contentment had disappeared from her voice replaced by caution.
“Well, not any more but sure. Look, I know this is unexpected-”
“No,” she interrupted, “it’s fine, I... more than okay. I’m glad you called, Tony,” she added softly.
Tony winced. “Just wait, you’ll change your mind soon enough,” he confided wryly.
“Tony, even the worst news would sound like a blessing coming from you. I always regretted being unable to keep in contact,” she said and Tony sighed deeply. His mind was reliving times when statements like that were why he existed, why he breathed. She had a way of making everything sound genuine, and as if she had only ever said them to you. Maybe that was the truth, Tony didn’t know, he never really had.
“I’m working for NCIS, Rebecca, and you should come and talk to my boss. Something happened and... you’ve been implicated in a crime. Just, come to the Navy Yard and Gibbs will sort everything out as long as you are honest with him,” he said. Gibbs was going to be mad as hell that he had told Rebecca the truth about why she was being questioned, but Tony knew she would come. He still had his cop instincts even if he couldn’t trust his heart anymore.
“God... I... I’ll be right there...” Rebecca hung up on him and Tony hoped she would make it here okay.
Forty minutes later he saw her from a distance as a security guard escorted her to an interrogation room. She looked good, had put on a little weight and it suited her, her black hair was tied back but she’d let it grow over the past few years and it now rested at the centre of her back. Money obviously wasn’t an issue for her, not that it ever had been, since she was dressed in the latest off the cat-walk complete with Prada and Gucci accessories and one carat diamond earrings that had most likely been a gift. She had always dressed well and it was under her tutelage that he discovered an appreciation for fine suits and expensive watches. He attempted to resist temptation but gave in and found his way to the observation room where he could watch Gibbs and Rebecca have it out.
Gibbs was sitting, looking relaxed but no less dangerous for it. He had a cup of coffee in front of himself; black and stout the smell would probably turn Rebecca’s stomach since she never had been able to stand the stuff, she liked genuine English tea and soft drinks, when she wasn’t sampling the most expensive red wine on the menu of course.
Rebecca didn’t seem unnerved, although she clearly wasn’t comfortable. “You must be Gibbs,” she announced, standing near the table.
“Yep,” Gibbs said shortly although not antagonistically.
“Tony mentioned you. He clearly respects you and believes you’ll strive for the truth, so I have no problem talking to you and won’t attempt to hold anything back,” she said, and it sounded almost like a warning. Tony could have laughed except he was too tense, Rebecca obviously thought Gibbs would be shocked by her revelations. Wasn’t she in for a surprise.
“Good,” Gibbs replied. “Where were you yesterday?”
“At what time?” She asked, smiling with painted red lips at the blatant attempt to catch her out. If a suspect knew the time he or she needed an alibi for then it implicated guilt, not always but sometimes.
“Between four and nine am.”
“I was on a flight until seven thirty when my... boyfriend picked me up at the airport, I arrived back at my apartment roughly nine thirty,” she answered honestly.
“So you wouldn’t know anything about a body discovered yesterday with a collar around her neck.”
Rebecca paled and sat down quickly before her legs gave out. “Who... who was it?”
Gibbs eyed her. “Name is Corporal Marie Gunner. Know her?” He pushed a photograph of the dead woman in front of Rebecca and at a glance Rebecca was on the floor, heaving as the contents of her stomach decorated the ground and her tailored skirt.
Gibbs looked straight at the mirror, straight at Tony, and with two fingers beckoned him in. He rushed, and soon he was holding Rebecca as she sobbed and shook and retched, his eyes never leaving the deep enigmatic blue of Gibbs’.
“Tonio?” She whispered, leaning into the warmth of his body.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he said.
With a deep breath she gathered herself and found her way back into the seat where he made eye contact with her once upon a time lover. “Sorry, it’s Tony now, right?”
“You spoke to Stabler,” Tony guessed.
“He couldn’t wait to call and brag,” she admitted.
“Of course,” Tony chuckled bitterly.
“I’m sorry about-” she gestured towards the floor.
“It’s fine,” Tony said, “happens all the time,” he added cheerfully.
“Especially to pregnant women,” Gibbs added stoically.
Tony stared at Rebecca in shock while she grimaced wryly. “Yes.”
“So you didn’t kill her. But someone did, and they used a collar with a finger print that belonged to you to do so. Have any enemies, Miss March?” Gibbs got right back to the interview.
“No,” she informed him, “look can I clean up?” She pointed to her skirt.
“No,” Gibbs replied.
“Fine,” Rebecca sighed. “Just... I don’t understand. If you think I’m innocent then what am I doing here? I want to be alone right now,” she said.
“Just because you didn’t kill her doesn’t mean you don’t know something that could help,” Tony explained gently.
“I’ve been out of the country for a week, ask my boss if you don’t believe me. And I would never hurt anyone, least of all Marie. She was a good friend,” Rebecca said.
“You wouldn’t hurt a fly, right. Unless someone asked you to hurt them?” Gibbs pointed out sarcastically.
She flushed. “Right. Well, that’s different. Besides, Marie’s like me, she’d never be collared willingly as part of a scene.”
“We know,” Gibbs said. “A good friend... good enough to tell you if she was seeing someone?”
“Casual one nighters, mostly picked up at the club that we used to frequent,” Rebecca said.
“Why would your fingerprint be on the collar?”
“I own several. Some just for play, black leather ones easy to remove while being sturdy, as well as several more decorative ones. But I keep them locked away in my bedroom at home,” Rebecca shrugged, her eyes cloudy with unshed tears.
“Does anyone except you have access to these collars?”
“Of course. Sebastian, my boyfriend but... don’t even think it. He would never hurt anyone,” she defended him as Tony and Gibbs exchanged a look that said they had found their main suspect.
“He’s a sub right, he would have more success at getting Marie alone than another Domme would,” Gibbs theorized out loud.
“There’s no harm in talking to him, Rebecca, if he’s innocent it’ll clear his name and we’ll look for another lead,” Tony said.
“No, leave us alone. We don’t need this, these accusations. You think we’re freaks because we enjoy ourselves in different ways than what is typically considered normal but you just have a narrower understanding of love than we do. Just because we’re in the scene doesn’t mean we enjoy causing pain, especially not to the point where someone gets murdered,” Rebecca said, standing up and striding towards the door.
“I haven’t got an issue with what happens between two consenting adults, Miss March, but someone killed Marie Gunnar and I will get to the bottom of this,” Gibbs declared. Rebecca left then, with distress all over her features. Gibbs glared silently after her.
Chapter Three: The Truth Hurts…
Gibbs was certain that Rebecca’s boyfriend was their suspect, but no matter how much digging around and investigating Kate and Tony did they couldn’t turn up any other leads which suggested a link to Sebastian, and they definitely lacked evidence strong enough to arrest him, after all his fingerprints were absent from the collar. However together with the foot print which after comparison and further analysis could belong to a man the size of Sebastian and had definitely been left there that day due to Abby’s research on rainfall, Gibbs believed they had enough to at least bring him in for questioning. As a courtesy Tony gave Rebecca one last call and asked her to bring her lover in to avoid the embarrassment of a police raid on her house. She agreed, reluctantly and clearly holding a grudge.
The next day she arrived with Sebastian intent on proving their complete innocence.
Rebecca held her Sub’s hand as they stood by Gibbs’ desk. She had done the right thing by bringing him in, but by her self-righteous expression she clearly thought this was a mere formality and would easily be resolved to her liking. However Tony had reviewed the evidence, it didn’t look good for this guy especially as only he had access to the collar barring Rebecca, and Tony took an instant dislike to him based on sight alone. Maybe it was the disgustingly devoted glance he cast in Rebecca’s direction, or the clothes he wore (expensive, obviously Rebecca’s taste) or maybe it was the silver jeweled collar he wore proudly around his neck. This was a man who defined himself by his controversial definition of sexuality, and wasn’t ashamed or worried about what others would think of him. Tony would never be this man, and murderer aside that was something that actually hurt him because although he had his own battles to fight with inner acceptance of his Submissive nature, he wanted to come out victorious and be as comfortable in his own skin as Kate already assumed he was. Charming playboy Anthony DiNozzo Junior was a façade six days out of the week and his bare neck would never let him forget it.
“Ready?” Tony asked, making his presence known as he stepped up from behind them.
“Ready to get this over with so we can return to our lives,” Rebecca said, eyes challenging.
Tony bit the inside of his lip. “Right, just come this way please,” he said politely and proceeded to escort them to the interview rooms where Gibbs had told him to put them. Tony left them inside the interrogation room and escaped to observe on the other side of the glass two way mirror joining his boss.
Gibbs watched the couple with impressively expressionless blue eyes as he gulped the last of his coffee down. “I want you to do the interrogation,” he announced, not even turning to check that it was Tony who entered the room.
“Any particular reason, Boss?” Tony asked, knowing that he would usually jump at the chance before question the word of Gibbs.
“He’ll see you as a challenge, someone who is a threat to him and his relationship with Rebecca. With me he’ll either try to impress me or shy away from communication because he’ll think that he’s betraying Rebecca. Just remember, DiNozzo you’re an agent, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a Sub and an agent,” Gibbs said, the explanation unusually long for him. Tony nodded at his boss before getting on his game face and walking into the interrogation room.
“You’ll have to leave now, Rebecca,” Tony said, standing near the door and keeping his tone professional verging on the cold.
Her mouth tightened. It was odd that she’d been allowed to get this far with the suspect, however Gibbs had wanted to see them interact. It was an important piece of the puzzle. “Okay, now I want you to tell the truth, Sebastian, they can’t hurt us,” she told him, kissing his lips as he pressed a hand against her slightly rounded stomach where the child they had created was growing.
He nodded, looking lost and petulant as the door closed behind her and he was left alone with Tony. DiNozzo pulled up a chair and loomed over Sebastian, intimidating him. Then he waited.
It was maybe three minutes, perhaps five, before he deigned to speak. “You were the only one with access to the collection of collars that Rebecca keeps, correct?” He asked.
“Yes,” Sebastian said, his voice low but clear, his dark brown eyes roaming the room as he avoided making eye contact with Tony.
“You were alone the night of the murder?” Tony continued.
“Two nights ago? Yes, Rebecca was out of town,” he said.
“Which gives her an alibi but leaves you without one, see where I’m going with this?” Tony said, his tone sharp.
Sebastian glared. “Did you kill her?”
A pause. Then a surprise. “Yes,” Sebastian admitted and Tony almost keeled over from shock.
“Is that a confession?” Tony asked, struggling to keep his voice neutral.
“Rebecca said to tell the truth,” the submissive said, and now that he was making eye contact, Tony kind of wished he wasn’t. It was one of those moments, so rare in his line of work, where you could literally look into the eyes of a madman and see their pain and delusion twisted up inside creating their own reality, one in which everything they did was perfectly reasonable. Most people thought that you could see killers, know them by their greasy hair or irregular ears or whatever physical feature fashionably denoted oddness. It wasn’t true. Murderers, even the most vicious or insane, looked normal, indistinguishable for the most part from anyone else on the street. Sebastian was an exception to the rule.
“And the truth is that you killed Marie Gunnar?”
“Was that her name? All I knew was that she was mean. Didn’t want me, laughed and made out like I was a bad Submissive. Bitch. She didn’t deserve to be called a Domme. So I made sure no one would ever kneel to her again,” Sebastian smiled then. “Can I go home now?”
Tony guessed this guy’s lawyer would be going for the insanity defense, and having spent ten minutes alone with him Tony would say he had a chance. He finished off the interview and exited the interrogation room feeling sick instead of relieved.
When most cases were solved he wanted to celebrate, even if it was nothing more than having the pressure off for a couple of hours or a day or two, but this would be one that would haunt him. Not because he believed there was anything that could have been done to prevent this, Sebastian was a sick, disturbed individual who needed locking up and medicating, but because it hit so close to home. His ex-Domme, his club, his kind of people. He was going to need more than a stiff drink to put it all behind him.
“I’m sorry,” he said to Rebecca as Gibbs arrested Sebastian and read the confused man his Miranda rights.
“Why? You didn’t murder one of my friends,” she said, tear tracks running down her cheeks. Her hands rested protectively over her stomach, and Tony was reminded that he wouldn’t be the only one who had a rough night. Rebecca had lost the man she loved, her own sense of trust, and the future she and her unborn child had hoped for.
“I… it makes it worse that Marie even warned me about Seb… obviously not that he was a psychopath, just… she didn’t think he was good for me. I thought she was jealous that I’d found the perfect submissive, and to be honest I didn’t want to analyze his behavior too closely after how our relationship ended. We were so awful together that I just thought karma was kicking in and sending me the perfect man,” she said, a bitter twist to her smile as more tears squeezed their way out of her eyes.
“Rebecca… there is no such thing as perfect,” Tony said, unable to find anything comforting to add.
“Yeah,” she agreed, a hollow sound.
Chapter Four: … So Does Love
Tony stood at Gibbs’s front door, rain running down his face as he panted from the run. This was something he was running towards, not from, for the first time in years and he knew it was where he needed to be. He knocked on the door even though he knew that Gibbs never locked it. He was going to do this right, which included asking permission to come inside. Moments later Gibbs opened the door, barefoot, clad in worn jogging pants and a warn NIS t-shirt that fit his broad chest snugly in a way that increased Tony’s heart beat. Licking his lips and raining his eyes to Gibbs’ he spoke.
“May I come inside?” He asked.
Gibbs looked at him, staring him down like he was a suspect being interrogated. Tony never flinched, never even blinked, his intent and honestly shining in his ridiculously attractive green eyes. “Are you sure you want this, Tony?” Gibbs asked, his gentle voice a juxtaposition to the way he was looking at Tony.
Tony didn’t need any more time to think, he’d spent two years thinking. “Yes,” he breathed, and Gibbs pulled him inside by the lapel of his suit jacket and crushed his lips, allowing them to taste each other for the first time. The kiss was desperate and all consuming and it made Tony go weak in the knees. Gibbs pushed them up against the wall and Tony melted into his solid form. Then, without warning Gibbs ripped himself away from Tony who collapsed on the floor, a dazed mass of want and longing. He blinked up at his boss, his lover and his Dom with lust bright eyes.
“Why am I doing all the work, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked, and Tony could have laughed if he’d been less aroused. He should have known Gibbs would be the type to keep him guessing. Despite how well Tony knew Gibbs, the man never ceased to teach him something new.
“Tell me what you want,” Tony said, trying not to sound like he was begging after just one kiss, albeit one exceedingly hot kiss.
Gibbs’ voice might be ‘all work’ but this eyes were soft and appreciative as he took his time looking over Tony, still on the floor. “This can’t be all one way, Tony, I’m not here to boss you about. Being a Dom is more than just ordering someone around and getting off on it. It’s about looking after you, letting yourself be looked after. The following my orders stuff you already do at work every day, I’ve got you all trained up for that,” Gibbs said and Tony felt the heart behind the words penetrate the fog of lust that had filled his head.
“Okay,” he agreed. “But can we get to the kinky sex first please?” He said, not even bothering to hide the begging tone of his voice this time.
“Come on,” Gibbs hid a smile as he turned away from Tony and walked up stairs to his bedroom, secure in the knowledge that Tony would follow. He always did.
“Kneel,” Gibbs ordered as soon as Tony appeared in the doorway.
Tony fell to his knees too quickly, wincing as pain shot through him. He wasn’t as young as he had been when he had started this with Rebecca, and she had been the only one else he had ever given himself to like this. Gibbs was watching his every move, Tony knew this as well as he knew his own name and he felt it even though he positioned his head so that his eyes were on the floorboards.
“Hard limits?” Gibbs asked.
“Bodily fluids… apart from sperm… chastity devices… age and animal play,” he thought hard about them, because he knew he trusted Gibbs more than he had ever trusted Rebecca. Some of them were pure turn offs, including animal/age play and anything involving urine or scat, blood play he was just pure terrified off. But the restriction of using chastity devices was about trust, he had no problem with the occasional use of them but he wanted to be with someone who trusted him not to fool around with anyone else rather than relying on him being incapable of betraying them intimately.
“Soft limits,” Gibbs asked, no inflection in his voice to show he’d registered any of what Tony had just revealed about himself. Tony knew though that Gibbs would have committed that to memory, and he trusted him to have.
“Extreme pain play like cock torture… blindfolds… gags… sensory deprivation and bondage that lasts more than three hours,” with Rebecca those had soon become his hard limits. He had found the removal of his senses disturbing, and without the ability to speak he could not safe-word or scream for help. Perhaps he would be willing to work out some of these issues with Gibbs… if Gibbs wanted to.
“Those are comprehensive lists. One more thing, safe word?”
“I…” he hesitated, then decided to play it safe, “red for stop, yellow for slow down and green for okay,” he said, hoping he wouldn’t be called on it.
Gibbs paused. “That’ll do for now,” he said, and circled Tony.
“Is this your standard kneel? Could be a little straighter,” Gibbs observed.
“Sorry, haven’t done this in a while,” Tony bit out, peeved that his posture was being called into question. Still he straightened his back and spread his knees more for balance.
“Did I ask for your opinion?” Gibbs said. Tony felt him then, paused behind him his body heat a tangible sensation against Tony’s back, and suddenly hot breath was on his face as Gibbs added, “relax, Tony, this is supposed to be about having a good time.”
He didn’t reply, but it lightened his heart a little after all the talk of safe words and limits that reminded him of what he and Rebecca never really had; trust. He trusted Gibbs and that was why this was going to be different. It had to be, otherwise a part of him would break.
“I want you to suck my dick, Tony, and not because it will feel good but because you want to be here,” Gibbs told him, now seated on the edge of the bed with his fly open. Tony scooted closer, still on his knees, and started to mouth his boss’s cock, lick and kiss and then he was taking it as deep as he could without choking, drawing on memories of college days before he had been Rebecca’s, back when he had enjoyed giving head. Even as he did this he struggled to understand the inference in Gibbs’ command. What did it matter if he was sucking Gibbs’ cock because it would bring his boss to orgasm or because Tony wanted to be here, especially when they were both true and had the same result. Hell, how could Gibbs even tell the difference? Sucking cock was sucking cock, wasn’t it?
“Tony, I need your head in the game,” Gibbs said, and Tony stepped up his effort to make Gibbs come, sucking harder and using all the tricks of the trade. Somehow he was missing something, because Gibbs wasn’t making all the noises he should be while receiving a Tony DiNozzo deluxe blow job. Eventually Gibbs came, and Tony swallowed every drop down like a pro and knelt back, not daring to look up at his sated boss.
“That was interesting,” Gibbs said, not sounding pleased. “Tony, I need you to stop kneeling now. Just be yourself. Just be DiNozzo and I’m just Gibbs. Not Dom and Sub, not right now.”
Tony looked up sharply and met Gibbs’ cloudy blue eyes. “What? Did I do something wrong? You came didn’t you, wasn’t that the fucking point?” Until the words left his mouth he hadn’t realized he was angry, or still angry he should say. He’d been more than a little pissed when Gibbs had revealed that he’d used what he’d known about Tony’s sexuality at work to ensure he did a good job, he guessed he still was.
Gibbs looked unimpressed by his display of temper. “Actually no, that wasn’t the point. Didn’t you hear me when I said do it because you want to be here? You made all the right noises down stairs, DiNozzo, but so far you haven’t enjoyed yourself and that is part of the problem. You think you trust me enough to learn what it is to truly Submit to someone, but you don’t.”
With that crippling description of Tony’s emotional capabilities he was off the floor and backing away from Gibbs who hadn’t moved from the bed, not even to zip himself up. “Screw you, I subbed for Rebecca for years before I even met you. I know all about being a Submissive.”
“I’m sure you do. But you don’t know how to Submit. Tony, being a Submissive is who you are, it doesn’t make you weak or handicapped in anyway. Submissives are just as strong or even stronger than Dominants, because their emotional journey involves a deep level of trust. I’m guessing Rebecca betrayed that trust in some way which is why you have avoided being in that scene for so long, but if you want this then you need to tell me about your past,” Gibbs said.
“No. No, that’s not something I care to talk about,” Tony said, voice like an Arctic winter.
“Then you don’t really want to be here,” Gibbs declared.
Tony was torn, but his anger was only amplified by that. “How the hell can you make that kind of assertion about me, you don’t know what I’m feeling you just assume, like you just assumed because I got a few head slaps that I’d stick around and be your loyal puppy,” he snapped.
“This isn’t about how I treat you at work Tony, this is about how Rebecca treated you. I already know she threatened to lend you out to others, I gathered as much from your conversation with Stabler, and I guess that she did at least once or he wouldn’t have believed he had a chance. What else did she do, Tony?”
“None of your business,” he said firmly.
“Then get the hell out,” Gibbs replied, and Tony did as he was told.
>>>>
It was still raining, of course. Tony walked for a while before fishing out his cell and calling a taxi. He knew where he needed to go, where he could find a friend.
“Tony? What are you doing here? You’re all wet come on in,” Abby said as she let him inside.
“Thanks, Abs,” Tony said as he settled himself down on the sofa. “I just... need a bed for tonight, if that’s okay,” he added awkwardly.
“What’s the matter, boss man kicked you out of his?” She joked.
Tony winced. “Actually, yeah.”
“Really? I find that difficult to believe. I mean, you two have practically been together since you started at NCIS, even though I know you weren’t sleeping together.”
“You think so? Then why am I hear instead of in his bed,” Tony asked, sounding pathetic and defeated.
“I don’t know, honey, why are you here?” Abby asked sympathetically.
“I just need a friend. He said some things... they made me angry, so I walked out,” he confessed, feeling shame creep in under the fury that had fuel his escape. Not just shame though, also a small amount of disappointment and humiliation that Gibbs had chucked him out. He clearly wasn’t good enough for his boss and it stung like hell.
“Maybe they made you angry because they were true. Look, you know you’re my Tony and I love you, I love Gibbs too and I want you guys to be happy. You could be happy together, so just think on it. In the mean time I’ll make us some hot cocoa and we can have a film fest,” she smiled and Tony couldn’t help but smile back even as her words hit him hard.
Abby and Tony sat down to watch the film, and eventually he stopped thinking about Gibbs and Rebecca and lost himself in the mindless violence of the horror flick that Abby seemed to be enjoying immensely. He slept on the sofa, a pull out that didn’t see much use since Abby’s usually guests were the type who shared her bed, or rather coffin, with her. In the morning he knew he had to face work, and that was something terrifying because he still didn’t know how to deal with Gibbs. Gibbs had claimed he didn’t trust him enough, and Tony could concede in the cold light of day that maybe that was true. It didn’t help though. He still wanted to be on his knees for Gibbs, and he still couldn’t manage to discuss Rebecca with him.
His heart was beating fast as he entered NCIS office and found his way to his desk. An empty cup of coffee sat at Gibbs desk but the man himself was missing. Kate was ignoring the tension in the office, probably understanding now how too mnay questions could get answers that she did not want to hear. By lunch Gibbs was still unseen and Tony, who despite his own inner battle which had yet to be won, was frustrated enough with his boss’s disappearing act to go on a hunt for him.
Tony found Gibbs in autopsy, with Ducky and Gerald absent probably having lunch like most normal people in the building. Being a part of Gibbs’ team meant that for the most part ‘normal’ didn’t apply to him. Breathing in deep he allowed his anger to spill out and give him the courage to confront his boss. “Why do you need to have every last scrap of me? Why can’t you just accept the pieces I can give you?” He asked.
Gibbs have him a steady look. “Is this really a conversation you want to be having here, DiNozzo?” Gibbs questioned him.
“There’s only so long that you can keep the elevator on ‘stop’ before people call the maintenance guys,” Tony pointed out. He needed to have this conversation now, he couldn’t deal with the tension every day all day.
“Then in reply to your question, I expect you to give me all of yourself because that is the way relationships work, Tony. Any relationship, vanilla, straight, gay, married or Dom and Sub. I want all of you, Tony, and I’m not going to settle for anything else,” Gibbs moved towards him, keeping eye contact and Tony found himself breathing a little faster. How could he have denied this attraction to his boss for so long, especially when he now found it so potent.
“What happened with Rebecca, Tony, is just as much a part of you as what will happen with us,” Gibbs said softly, and Tony didn’t think he had ever heard Gibbs use that particular tone with him.
“You sound so sure that there will be an ‘us’, especially since you threw me out last night,” Tony bit out breathlessly.
“You needed some time to think about what you really want, realise what I really want and if you can meet my criteria. But you came, Tony, and gave yourself to me. I’m not ready to let you go now,” Gibbs said, stepping so close that Tony could feel the heat of the older man’s body through his clothes.
“I...,” Tony swallowed, this wasn’t going as imagined. He had wanted to shout and rant, to make Gibbs bend to his will instead he was fast succumbing to Gibbs’s wants. Was this what it was to submit? Or was this something else, a slow seduction of Tony’s willpower, the erosion of his doubts and fears until all he felt was Gibbs’ all consuming presence, and the knowledge that whatever had happened to him, Gibbs would make it better just because he belonged to Gibbs.
“You can tell me, Tony,” Gibbs said and despite the gentle tone it was definitely an order.
“I came in here convinced that I couldn’t but... I do trust you Gibbs. I want to show you how much,” Tony admitted, and he breathed in a deep breath that felt like freedom.
Gibbs brought his hands up to cup Tony’s face, caressing and reassuring. “Tonight, we’ll talk tonight but there will be no backing out of discussion and no kinky sex without full disclosure. I want all of you Tony, and tonight you are going to learn how to give that to me,” he whispered and kissed Tony so carefully , like he was fragile glass about to shatter.
They returned to their desks to carry on with paper work, all the while Tony’s nerves grew about tonight. If he bared his soul would Gibbs still want him? The man seemed pretty sure that nothing Tony could tell him would repulse him or cause him to reject Tony, but he didn’t know yet.
They took Gibbs’ car, leaving Tony’s at the Naval Yard. Whether this was a gesture of control and care-taking on Gibbs’ behalf or a removal of an escape route he was unsure. It hadn’t stopped him last night, but he had no intention of running away. Yesterday he had come under the illusion that he would be sharing only as much of himself as he had with Rebecca, today he understood that Gibbs wasn’t going to except his meagre offerings and wanted more. He actually wanted all of Tony, in a way no one else ever had. So he would give him all, and if it all turned to hell then at least Tony knew he had tried for once in his life.
“Tell me how you met her,” Gibbs asked once they had eaten a stake cooked by his boss. They were seated on the couch now, with Tony in physical contact with Gibbs, his boss’s hand carding through his fine hair as Tony lay back on the other man. No eye contact, he wondered if that would help.
“I was with the Peoria PD, only joined a few months before. It was a co-worker’s bachelor party and we went somewhere a bit racy, a club with Ds elements even if it wasn’t exclusively for that clientele. We thought it was really kinky at the time, although now I realise it was just cheap illusion and playing dress up. Rebecca was there with a group of friends, she looked bored and I decided I was the one who could entertain her. I went up to her, all swagger and charm but when I reached her she just turned and gave me this look, like I was doing it all wrong and she was waiting for me to get it right... It really freaked me out and I found myself avoiding her for the rest of the night. It turns out she enjoys the chase though, since she tracked me down a week later. She recognised a few of my buddies from the prescient, knew I was a cop. She said I should meet her for lunch, and I was so surprised that she’d gone to such lengths to find me that I agreed. She took me somewhere expensive, paid, and again I found myself more than a little surprised at how I was taking it all. She didn’t make me feel emasculated, or like I couldn’t pay, just... like she really wanted to pay because she wanted to share this experience with me. Everything she did was with an energy of honesty and self-belief, she made me feel special every time she looked at me.”
Tony paused. “I suppose everyone she meets feels that way, it’s naive to assume that I’m the only one. Still, I was naive, just twenty two and desperate to please. At first it was all very vanilla, then she started introducing me to her friends and I saw another type of life, one that I hadn’t even dreamed of even after getting hold of kinky magazines. She never forced me to be a part of it. After a while I became frustrated that she wasn’t sharing that part of her life with me and demanded she let me. And she did.”
He stopped talking then, because in a way that was the end of the story, or at least the end of one part. That was when it had been good and exciting and new.
“Did you like it?” Gibbs asked.
Tony looked round at his new Dom. “Of course, I wouldn’t be here now if I hadn’t. At least in the beginning. It took me a while to learn how to take orders in bed, and sometimes some of the things she said just made me laugh. I couldn’t help it. But like I said, I was eager to please and she made me feel special so with her patience I soon learned to be what she wanted. Submissive. We moved away from Peoria because she had grown board of the scene there and on to Philadelphia. After a year or so things started to settle down into a pattern, which was when she got bored. She wanted more thrills, to push my boundaries. After I ended up in hospital because I hadn’t felt comfortable safe-wording even though I knew I was in danger we moved to Baltimore, which is where everything fell apart. I safe worded more than ever, my boundaries grew so that our dynamics were almost completely incompatible. She thought that if I could be with someone else which she watched that maybe I would learn to trust her again... it didn’t work and she got a reputation as someone who would share. She did everything she could to fix the problem... in the end I asked her to let me go and she agreed.”
Silence. Gibbs had stopped caressing him and Tony held his breath, wondering if this would be the time when Gibbs realised that Tony was too broken to keep. “She put you in hospital?” Gibbs asked, his tone hard.
Tony tried to sit up but a restraining arm wouldn’t allow it. He lay back down and Gibbs resumed his strangle comforting petting. “I put myself in hospital, Gibbs. I’m aware of my own limits, I didn’t safe word when I should have.”
“You’re right, and I hope that never happens ever again. But she should never have allowed it to get to the point that you needed medical care. It was her job to take care of you, your job to trust her to do that. I won’t ever fail you like that,” Gibbs swore.
“You... You still want me?” Tony asked.
“Of course,” Gibbs said, frowning. “Haven’t I already made myself clear?”
“Even though I allowed myself to be shared with someone else?” He said.
“Did you enjoy that?”
“I... no,” Tony admitted.
“There is no wrong answer Tony. I would have accepted it if you had said yes, although I’m a little glad you said no since I never intend to share you. You’ve told me your limits, I should share mine. I require undying trust, unquestioning loyalty, and for you to never allow yourself to be in a situation where someone other than e touches you intimately, excepting doctors of course. I’m possessive, Tony, I’m sure that isn’t a surprise. When I love someone, I hold them tight and never let them go. I wasn’t able to love my ex-wives because I was holding on to my first wife Shannon, but with you I know that I can love her and love you at the same time,” Gibbs explained.
Tony’s heart swelled. He felt at peace with himself and his heart for the first time ever. “I love you too, boss,” he confessed as Gibbs smiled down at him and leaned in to kiss him. Everything would be okay, because Tony had learnt to trust and Gibbs had opened his heart to love him.
Tony was glad that his boss did not offer him the collar that had choked him just a few years ago, they both knew who was the Submissive here and Tony trusted Gibbs enough not to need the physical symbol of claiming. There never was an ending that felt more like a beginning, at least for Tony and Gibbs.