Chapter One b
Title: The Secret Life (Family) of John Sheppard: official Chaper One b
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG-15 for language
Word Count: Chapter One only = 5,793
Genre: Series, Angst, AU
Link to all parts: Previous Short Stories & future entries
Summary: Set between The Seige Part 3 and The Intruder: Rodney hasn't seen John Sheppard - co-father of their children - in months. Now he turns up threatening to turn his life upset down and break his heart all over again.
Chapter One b
…
All good things must come to an end, and John’s leave was no different. Rodney had taken the news better than John had hoped. In fact, it was almost too good. It made John worry that maybe he hadn’t been too far off the mark with the whole ‘Sam’ thing. It just made him all the more determined to make sure that Rodney remembered him when he left, that he reminded Rodney of how good they were and that being a family was only a few years away.
Still, saying good bye was the hardest. John hugged them all, making extravagant promises of presents and trips to sea life centres and movies when he next returned. Even Moon, who was Meredith’s maternal grandmother, had turned up to make the transition easier for the children, and to see John of course.
“Yes, yes - child now!” Rodney clicked his fingers at John, who sent him a veiled glare before addressing Meredith.
“Now, Mere, don’t let your daddy Rodney poison you against me, okay? Daddy John has to go save the planet now, but I love you very much,” he told the little six year old before putting her on the ground where she instantly ran to Rodney, and John tried very hard not to let that hurt. Rodney reached out and took her hand without even looking, and John envied his easy parenting despite the fact he had walked away from this eight months ago.
“Oh please,” Rodney exclaimed, rolling his eyes, “like I’m that immature!”
“You told them I was dead,” John protested, glaring.
“You’re really going to have to let that go, you know,” Rodney replied with his own glare.
Moon tutted. “Now boys, if you can’t behave like adults then at least save the childish antics for when the babes aren’t here,” she warned them. “Honestly, Mere and Cash are better behaved than you two!”
John and Rodney looked away in shame, admitting that she was probably right. Well, at least they hadn’t descended into a food fight the way Meredith and Cash’s arguments always did.
….
“May I talk to you a moment before you head off, John?” Moon asked, her expression telling him she would not be accepting ‘no’ for an answer. He was glad that Moon was in his kids lives, after all Rodney’s own parents were dead, and John’s father isn’t even know that he was gay let alone that he had kids, so Moon was pretty much their only grandparent despite only being blood relative to one of the children. However, sometimes she acted a little too much like an interfering mother hen for john’s peace of mind.
“What’s on your mind, Moon?” John asked once they had closed the kitchen door to lock out prying eyes and ears. John could just about hear Meredith singing loudly - and off key - to the theme tune of her favourite TV show while Cash giggled in the background.
Moon eyed him calmly. “Do you know what it’s like to be abandoned, John?” She began, and John’s insides twisted up. He stood straighter, his chin up and his arms itching to cross over his chest in a defensive position. But he breathed deep and tried to relax. John considered her question. He thought about his mother, but he didn’t think Moon was talking about death despite the fact their was little difference in the mind of a ten year old between death and abandonment.
“It isn’t the same as death -“ Moon continued, confirming John’s suspicion, “death is permanent. It hurts like hell but given time that hurt will fade into a dull ache deep inside of you that never leaves, but with the knowledge that there is nothing we could humanly do to see that person again stops it from driving us insane. Only just, of course. When someone voluntarily abandons us however… it’s the same pain, but worse because it never heals. You’re always thinking that the person you want to see the most is out there, alive somewhere and that you could see them again at any moment… if only… it’s this that stops the pain of abandonment from ever healing,” Moon finished, wisdom from experience echoing in her velvet eyes.
“Are we talking about Mere, Cash and Misha here? Or Rodney?” John said bluntly, not wishing to prolong this conversation and knowing that his charm didn’t work on Moon. She was an excellent bull-shit detector. Probably why she got on so well with Rodney, who could bull-shit about just as well as he could lie.
“Children can forgive us many things if only we show them that we love them and won’t let them down. Adults… adults hold on to grudges, don’t forget pain and let that fester in them to create a fear of being hurt again which leads to them being unable to trust or open up to certain people. Be careful with Rodney’s heart, John, it’s already been broken once and even if you manage to fix it, you’ll always have the ability to shatter it with a few choice words,” Moon informed him, before hugging him close and telling him to come back soon. For all their sakes.
….
Half an hour after John had left, Rodney found himself with a lap full of six-year old daughter. “Daddy Rodney,” Mere began, tugging on his sweatshirt to make sure she - and not the complex mathematical equation he had been adjusting, had his complete attention.
“Yes, Daughter-Meredith,” Rodney replied, and Meredith giggled like he had known she would, keeping her smile after her amusement had faded.
“Why does Daddy John have to go away?” She asked.
Rodney sighed heavily, this had been what he had been afraid of. Before when John had left for tours in Afghanistan it had been for shorter periods and Mere had been younger and more easily distracted, this time he feared she would dwell and fret. His jaw twitched with a thousand biting come backs but this was his daughter so he restrained himself because frankly she deserved so much more. “Well, littlest Meredith, it’s because Daddy John is very special and has to use his special powers,” Rodney winced a little at that, but it couldn’t be helped. “To go help lots of people. But he misses you very much when he’s gone, okay?”
Mere sat there, considering. Eventually she turned to him and said, “but you won’t go, will you?”
Rodney sucked in a sharp breath. Jeez. He had no idea where that had come from. Rodney had never left Mere’s side for longer than eighteen hours, and that had only been two or three times back when he had been working for Area 51. He had soon realised that babies and secret-science work weren’t the best mesh, and had taken a position as a consult so he could do as much work from home as he could possibly manage. “Never,” Rodney vowed, and hugged his daughter close smelling that comforting scent that was Meredith.
“I wanna hug too!” Cash called from where he had been happily playing with a set of marbles on the carpet minutes before. Rodney did a quick suspicious count of the marbles (ten… fifteen… sixteen, yep all there!) before picking Cash up and carrying him over to the couch with him and Meredith. Mere’s arms automatically went back around Rodney as Cash settled in his lap, happy now for five minutes. Surely saving the world couldn’t beat this? Although guiltily Rodney remembered a time when he had firmly believed that the pursuit of scientific knowledge had beat this. Now he knew better.
TBC: ~Chapter Two~
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
Rating: PG-15 for language
Word Count: Chapter One only = 5,793
Genre: Series, Angst, AU
Link to all parts: Previous Short Stories & future entries
Summary: Set between The Seige Part 3 and The Intruder: Rodney hasn't seen John Sheppard - co-father of their children - in months. Now he turns up threatening to turn his life upset down and break his heart all over again.
Chapter One b
…
All good things must come to an end, and John’s leave was no different. Rodney had taken the news better than John had hoped. In fact, it was almost too good. It made John worry that maybe he hadn’t been too far off the mark with the whole ‘Sam’ thing. It just made him all the more determined to make sure that Rodney remembered him when he left, that he reminded Rodney of how good they were and that being a family was only a few years away.
Still, saying good bye was the hardest. John hugged them all, making extravagant promises of presents and trips to sea life centres and movies when he next returned. Even Moon, who was Meredith’s maternal grandmother, had turned up to make the transition easier for the children, and to see John of course.
“Yes, yes - child now!” Rodney clicked his fingers at John, who sent him a veiled glare before addressing Meredith.
“Now, Mere, don’t let your daddy Rodney poison you against me, okay? Daddy John has to go save the planet now, but I love you very much,” he told the little six year old before putting her on the ground where she instantly ran to Rodney, and John tried very hard not to let that hurt. Rodney reached out and took her hand without even looking, and John envied his easy parenting despite the fact he had walked away from this eight months ago.
“Oh please,” Rodney exclaimed, rolling his eyes, “like I’m that immature!”
“You told them I was dead,” John protested, glaring.
“You’re really going to have to let that go, you know,” Rodney replied with his own glare.
Moon tutted. “Now boys, if you can’t behave like adults then at least save the childish antics for when the babes aren’t here,” she warned them. “Honestly, Mere and Cash are better behaved than you two!”
John and Rodney looked away in shame, admitting that she was probably right. Well, at least they hadn’t descended into a food fight the way Meredith and Cash’s arguments always did.
….
“May I talk to you a moment before you head off, John?” Moon asked, her expression telling him she would not be accepting ‘no’ for an answer. He was glad that Moon was in his kids lives, after all Rodney’s own parents were dead, and John’s father isn’t even know that he was gay let alone that he had kids, so Moon was pretty much their only grandparent despite only being blood relative to one of the children. However, sometimes she acted a little too much like an interfering mother hen for john’s peace of mind.
“What’s on your mind, Moon?” John asked once they had closed the kitchen door to lock out prying eyes and ears. John could just about hear Meredith singing loudly - and off key - to the theme tune of her favourite TV show while Cash giggled in the background.
Moon eyed him calmly. “Do you know what it’s like to be abandoned, John?” She began, and John’s insides twisted up. He stood straighter, his chin up and his arms itching to cross over his chest in a defensive position. But he breathed deep and tried to relax. John considered her question. He thought about his mother, but he didn’t think Moon was talking about death despite the fact their was little difference in the mind of a ten year old between death and abandonment.
“It isn’t the same as death -“ Moon continued, confirming John’s suspicion, “death is permanent. It hurts like hell but given time that hurt will fade into a dull ache deep inside of you that never leaves, but with the knowledge that there is nothing we could humanly do to see that person again stops it from driving us insane. Only just, of course. When someone voluntarily abandons us however… it’s the same pain, but worse because it never heals. You’re always thinking that the person you want to see the most is out there, alive somewhere and that you could see them again at any moment… if only… it’s this that stops the pain of abandonment from ever healing,” Moon finished, wisdom from experience echoing in her velvet eyes.
“Are we talking about Mere, Cash and Misha here? Or Rodney?” John said bluntly, not wishing to prolong this conversation and knowing that his charm didn’t work on Moon. She was an excellent bull-shit detector. Probably why she got on so well with Rodney, who could bull-shit about just as well as he could lie.
“Children can forgive us many things if only we show them that we love them and won’t let them down. Adults… adults hold on to grudges, don’t forget pain and let that fester in them to create a fear of being hurt again which leads to them being unable to trust or open up to certain people. Be careful with Rodney’s heart, John, it’s already been broken once and even if you manage to fix it, you’ll always have the ability to shatter it with a few choice words,” Moon informed him, before hugging him close and telling him to come back soon. For all their sakes.
….
Half an hour after John had left, Rodney found himself with a lap full of six-year old daughter. “Daddy Rodney,” Mere began, tugging on his sweatshirt to make sure she - and not the complex mathematical equation he had been adjusting, had his complete attention.
“Yes, Daughter-Meredith,” Rodney replied, and Meredith giggled like he had known she would, keeping her smile after her amusement had faded.
“Why does Daddy John have to go away?” She asked.
Rodney sighed heavily, this had been what he had been afraid of. Before when John had left for tours in Afghanistan it had been for shorter periods and Mere had been younger and more easily distracted, this time he feared she would dwell and fret. His jaw twitched with a thousand biting come backs but this was his daughter so he restrained himself because frankly she deserved so much more. “Well, littlest Meredith, it’s because Daddy John is very special and has to use his special powers,” Rodney winced a little at that, but it couldn’t be helped. “To go help lots of people. But he misses you very much when he’s gone, okay?”
Mere sat there, considering. Eventually she turned to him and said, “but you won’t go, will you?”
Rodney sucked in a sharp breath. Jeez. He had no idea where that had come from. Rodney had never left Mere’s side for longer than eighteen hours, and that had only been two or three times back when he had been working for Area 51. He had soon realised that babies and secret-science work weren’t the best mesh, and had taken a position as a consult so he could do as much work from home as he could possibly manage. “Never,” Rodney vowed, and hugged his daughter close smelling that comforting scent that was Meredith.
“I wanna hug too!” Cash called from where he had been happily playing with a set of marbles on the carpet minutes before. Rodney did a quick suspicious count of the marbles (ten… fifteen… sixteen, yep all there!) before picking Cash up and carrying him over to the couch with him and Meredith. Mere’s arms automatically went back around Rodney as Cash settled in his lap, happy now for five minutes. Surely saving the world couldn’t beat this? Although guiltily Rodney remembered a time when he had firmly believed that the pursuit of scientific knowledge had beat this. Now he knew better.
TBC: ~Chapter Two~