one of the good moments
i am writing this down because right now i feel okay about things and i need that okayness to be tangible at a later date. i need to see that i can feel okay in the midst of all that hardness.
listening to music can remind me of some much in life.
life is a war. from the day we are born we have to fight to get what we want, we have to fight to be able to live our lives. and i have fought through so much. i nearly died and had to be removed from my mother a week early because of umbilical cord complications. in elementary school i was told that i had a learning disability and it took me till grade six to be able to read with any sort of confidence and i still cannot do math to save my life. i swore i would never make it to university. i came out as a dyke. i came out as trans. i have came out as a tranny who likes boys and girls and everything in between. i have any number of diagnosable anxiety, panic and OCD related disorders that at times rule my life. and i have gotten over heart ache and betrayal before. i have survived so much. i can survive this. it is just a matter of fighting. and always remembering that i have myself to fight for. and in the midst of this fight i will grow. and create a stronger shield for myself. and realize where i have failed and where i have succeeded. i refuse to lay down and die for anyones actions but my own.
and even though my battles are not as large and hard as others, they are still my own battles and have their own difficulties. i just need to learn to own what i have done wrong, what i have done right and everything in between and be prepared to get hurt and hurt people.
my parents have taught me that i can do anything i put my mind too and for the first time in a while i think i might just actually believe them. mind you, i am saying this all on a good day where i feel i can deal with almost anything. bring it on!! i just hope this can be remembered for the days where getting out of bed seems an impossible feat and that everything is everyone else's fault and i am an innocent person. when really there is no such creature.
listening to music can remind me of some much in life.
life is a war. from the day we are born we have to fight to get what we want, we have to fight to be able to live our lives. and i have fought through so much. i nearly died and had to be removed from my mother a week early because of umbilical cord complications. in elementary school i was told that i had a learning disability and it took me till grade six to be able to read with any sort of confidence and i still cannot do math to save my life. i swore i would never make it to university. i came out as a dyke. i came out as trans. i have came out as a tranny who likes boys and girls and everything in between. i have any number of diagnosable anxiety, panic and OCD related disorders that at times rule my life. and i have gotten over heart ache and betrayal before. i have survived so much. i can survive this. it is just a matter of fighting. and always remembering that i have myself to fight for. and in the midst of this fight i will grow. and create a stronger shield for myself. and realize where i have failed and where i have succeeded. i refuse to lay down and die for anyones actions but my own.
and even though my battles are not as large and hard as others, they are still my own battles and have their own difficulties. i just need to learn to own what i have done wrong, what i have done right and everything in between and be prepared to get hurt and hurt people.
my parents have taught me that i can do anything i put my mind too and for the first time in a while i think i might just actually believe them. mind you, i am saying this all on a good day where i feel i can deal with almost anything. bring it on!! i just hope this can be remembered for the days where getting out of bed seems an impossible feat and that everything is everyone else's fault and i am an innocent person. when really there is no such creature.