stay what you are.
"so i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart, and all those months i just wanted to sleep."
lately i feel like i've been really distant from everyone and everything. i'd rather just stay in bed and sleep instead of going out and doing something. i went through that phase before when Chance was around, and i thought i was out of it, but i guess not. i used to be such a socialite, but everyday i feel like i'm growing more and more socially awkward and introverted. i wish i could allow myself to trust people more. i have such high walls that i've built up over the years, and i can't seem to tear them down. i guess that comes from being hurt so badly by people in the past, but i don't rely on other people to fulfill me now and keep me happy. that's the problem with so many people i know these days, they aren't happy unless they are with someone who can make them happy, and when that person leaves they are left with just nothingness and a void that is never going to be filled. other people just tend to depress me, especially people i was once so close to, people i called my best friends, and watching them grow up and become who they are now, it's sad. i never thought the people i surrounded myself with would become drunkards and sluts and drug addicts and compulsive liars, but that just shows how people change so unexpectedly. i know i've made my mistakes and that i'm not perfect, but i am however very thankful for the consequences i recieved from my actions, i truly believe they kept me from becoming just like the people around me. i am very nervous about these next few months, but i've made it this far, so i think i can make it through anything. i'm excited about college and starting over where people don't know my past history and aren't going to judge me based on who i was in highschool. i just gotta keep my chin up i supposse, and in a few months hopefully i'll prefer spending time with my friends over sleeping in my bed. ahh, summer is coming, and i'm ready to have my life back and make the most of it.