(no subject)
The week gearing up to convocation was just insane because I thought I was going to just die at the sight of an old friend and lover who are strangers to me now. But somehow, I managed to summon a massive load of courage to be there. In fact, I didn't even think much about those who don't matter when the day came. I saw the two of them walk past me as I was busy taking a photo for two friends who matter, and I saw how sad she looked. Then I saw her in the auditorium again staring into space, not talking to anyone really and looking sad. I wondered if she was happy, and I wondered if she had any friends. And most of all I wondered if whatever she was so busy going after was worth all that hurt.
Then I thought, I'm happier now and better without her. It is sad when the realisation that a relationship really doesn't benefit you only comes right at the end, after months (or maybe years) of hoping that one day things might go back to the way they were, having random hurt pangs in the middle of the night because some nights there's that hole in your heart that she used to fill. But I am more than thankful that that realisation has come. It was a slow, and painful process of healing but I am and will be better without that bond that used to connect us.
So when I reached out my hand to tap her on her back and then extended my hand to congratulate her, I meant it. And it was hurt free, bitter free, anger free.
I can't say the same at the sight of Miriam. I still wanted to....
But convocation was bittersweet simply because my closest friends couldn't be there :( missed all of them. I may not have pictures of them with me in that harry potter gown and amazing mortar board, but I know they all wanted to be there. They were the people who were strangers to me last year, and gave me unconditional love and strength when I was at my stupidest. I am baffled by their generosity and openness. I am just so thankful.
And I am thankful for you :) you're like a sign-post to the future that I refuse to look at, but am walking towards.
Then I thought, I'm happier now and better without her. It is sad when the realisation that a relationship really doesn't benefit you only comes right at the end, after months (or maybe years) of hoping that one day things might go back to the way they were, having random hurt pangs in the middle of the night because some nights there's that hole in your heart that she used to fill. But I am more than thankful that that realisation has come. It was a slow, and painful process of healing but I am and will be better without that bond that used to connect us.
So when I reached out my hand to tap her on her back and then extended my hand to congratulate her, I meant it. And it was hurt free, bitter free, anger free.
I can't say the same at the sight of Miriam. I still wanted to....
But convocation was bittersweet simply because my closest friends couldn't be there :( missed all of them. I may not have pictures of them with me in that harry potter gown and amazing mortar board, but I know they all wanted to be there. They were the people who were strangers to me last year, and gave me unconditional love and strength when I was at my stupidest. I am baffled by their generosity and openness. I am just so thankful.
And I am thankful for you :) you're like a sign-post to the future that I refuse to look at, but am walking towards.