I did not expect to be writing an identity-related post tonight

[sararyan]

…but here I am.

I was reading the introduction to a book, a book with stories in it from authors whose work I love, a book I was looking forward to reading.

And there was a reference to “gay, lesbian, and transgender.” Several times, throughout. “Gay, lesbian, and transgender.”

Okay, so I am not the biggest fan of the actual word “bisexual.” I will

Comments

[celebros]

The short version: this is absolutely what I needed to read tonight. It's such a relief to get affirmations like this now and then. Thank you.

The long version: until four months ago, I was identifying as an asexual dyke. Then I fell in love with a man. I'm so frustrated by the responses of my friends and family, those in and out of the queer community. My parents are cheering, some of my straight friends are saying "I knew there was something wrong with you, I'm so glad it's fixed" (one of them exactly in so many words, most more subtle in their relief), and I hear queer friends making comments about women like me "going over to the dark side."

It's so frustrating that so few people seem to realize that being in a relationship with a man doesn't mean I'm suddenly magically hetero. Again: thank you.

[rosalarian]

*applause*

I write bisexual characters all the time, but people always make the assumption that they're either gay or straight. Then, when they date someone of a different gender than they had been before, I get a bunch of "Why are you trying to shove bisexuality down our throats?" or "Why did you change this character?" I never changed the character at all.

I'm not bisexual myself, but I get so angry at biphobic people, and those who think it doesn't exist. Especially when it comes from gay people. It's like "come on! You should know better!"

[erikamoen]

Loved your essay!

My own pet peeve is getting called "bi-phobic" because I, too, identify as and call myself "queer" instead of "bisexual" 9_9 People are just looking for any excuse to vilify those that don't fit into the exact same boxes they've set up for themselves.

[stokerbramwell]

Bravo! Very well put.

[teaberryblue]

I'm here via Erika.

My first experience with this sort of behavior was when I was 17 and came out very publicly in my high school when I dated my first serious girlfriend. Our school had a "Cutest Couple Contest" every Valentine's Day, and the girl who was running it that year very blatantly put up posters that said "Mr. AND Ms. Cutest Couple Contest."

I went to her and pointed out that my girlfriend and I not only wanted to enter, but had already bought outfits for the Valentine's Dance so we'd have something nice to wear when we entered, and the specificity upset us. Her answer? "But you're not real lesbians! Both of you have dated boys! You're just doing this for the attention!"

I still sometimes feel that way, like people judge me as somehow being less-queer because sometimes I like boys. Which doesn't help anything when the rest of the world is judging me for being even 100th of a percent queer.

Thanks for this.