not in a good place right now
terrible night at school tonight
i walked into class and dani was there. so thats about the only good thing that happened
today in class we talked about ....
-family
-abuse
-drugs
-rape
-car accidents
we talked about everything from a purely scientific point of view
it drove me insane
i was sitting there taking notes on my LIFE from a psychologist's point of view
the rape and drug abuse didn't bother me as much as the family, abuse, and car accidents did
i had to relive too much today
i tried to focus on my school work but it was so hard to
i couldn't help but think of that one night with stephanie
or with brian
and then i kept thinking about the last conversation i had with corey
about how he was depressed and pissed off because of work so he was going out drinking
so at this point i have entirely too much going through my mind
oh and did i mention the first thing we talked about
"what stresses you? what scares you?"
GREAT
too much was going on in my head
and i didnt want to think about any of it
so i blocked it out the best that i could as the professor continued with his lecture
class ended at 8:30 and so i called corey as i walked out to my car, like i always do, telling him that class ended
and i asked what he was doing
and he said "at ale house with adam, jarred, his gf, and brian"
i said "ok have fun ill see you at home" very stoically, which i suppose he misunderstood for anger
and he goes "I NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH MY FRIENDS! so go home and do your homework"
so now not only am i a little shaken up from class
i also feel like im a shitty fiance because he doesn't feel like he spends enough time with his friends
AND i feel like im 7 or something because he just told me to go home and do my homework. like im his child or something
so i said "fine bye"
he said "i love you" and i said "yeah, i love you too"
i NEVER do that. i never hang up first
i definately don't hang up first when im upset
so as im driving home, all i can think about is that accident
and what if that was the last conversation
i sound crazy, i know, but i really cant help but think about things like that
i ALWAYS think about that
i cant help it. especially after BEING in the car with stephanie
or getting in that fight with brian and then....
and brian was just a friend
i mean, he meant a lot to me
but i could not possibly compare him to corey
i am so in love with him.
and i dont mean that like a little teeny bopper "like omg im so in love"
i mean i am completly and totally in love with him
he makes me so incredibly happy
and i honestly couldn't imagine my life without him
so now im going to put on some interpol and do my math homework
you cant get more stoic than math