Step One, Check!
So...I've begun to start the healing, getting over process. It feels, sadly, more like I'm going through withdrawal than moving on. I've got all the symptoms at least. I get all sweaty, and get the shakes. And have that empty, icey feeling in my gut. Like I won't make it. But I know I will.
Sunday was a blast. I played paintball, and didn't give in to any of the drama. Plus it helped that James was working on a gun the whole time, so I didn't have to see him on the field that much.
So yes, I've found out that...even though I began to play paintball just to get closer to James, I do actually like it, and I like it for myself. For no one else. I woke up this morning ALL achey and sore, but it feels good. I got all sweaty and hot with my friends, and it felt so nice.
I went for a run today with my mom. Yes, very strange I know. It was nice. I did most of the running, but that's beside the point. I think if I do something like exercising every day, it will help me take my mind off of James so much.
Which....I got a little sad today. But it's all good. I'm going to have to dip into the depths of hell in order to appreciate the moments of heaven.
---I'm not going to be able to do this alone. The only reason I was able to face James on Sunday was because my mom psyched me up for it.
I'm so afraid. Afraid of being without that one person to run to when I need a hug. When I need to be comforted. So...I'm going to focus more on what's important: my future.
And...I'm trying very hard not to giving in to the desperation of wanting to be with someone. No matter who they actually are. So yeah. It's tough.
Sunday was a blast. I played paintball, and didn't give in to any of the drama. Plus it helped that James was working on a gun the whole time, so I didn't have to see him on the field that much.
So yes, I've found out that...even though I began to play paintball just to get closer to James, I do actually like it, and I like it for myself. For no one else. I woke up this morning ALL achey and sore, but it feels good. I got all sweaty and hot with my friends, and it felt so nice.
I went for a run today with my mom. Yes, very strange I know. It was nice. I did most of the running, but that's beside the point. I think if I do something like exercising every day, it will help me take my mind off of James so much.
Which....I got a little sad today. But it's all good. I'm going to have to dip into the depths of hell in order to appreciate the moments of heaven.
---I'm not going to be able to do this alone. The only reason I was able to face James on Sunday was because my mom psyched me up for it.
I'm so afraid. Afraid of being without that one person to run to when I need a hug. When I need to be comforted. So...I'm going to focus more on what's important: my future.
And...I'm trying very hard not to giving in to the desperation of wanting to be with someone. No matter who they actually are. So yeah. It's tough.