Hey everyone! I finally got a myspace. You all should add me. It's
www.myspace.com/sarannwrap17 Also, i suggest you don't read the following unless you want to hear me complain about stuff, cuz thats what it is...
Type your cut contents here. This is the first real update i've done in a while. I just thought i'd write, or should i say type some of my feelings out. I know i always talk about this topic, but i'm gonna do it some more.
My back surgery. More complaining. I hate it and how it has effected my life. What was bothering me tonight i think, was thinking about tennis. Freshman year was so great with tennis. Right now i just feel like i am way behind everyone, because i have this surgery holding me down. I'm afraid when i finally get the "ok" to actually play this summer, i will suck. I'm afraid that no matter how hard i try i will never be able to be back where i used to be and keep up with everyone. Everyone says "you were so good, you'll get back in no time" , but when i havn't been able to even swing a raquet for a year, how can you be so sure? I guess that seems like something small to worry about, but it really sucks when there are all these things i want to be doing, but can't because i am restricted because of my back. It also sucks to think about all that i've missed out on. Tennis season, snowboarding, actually swimming this summer, being able to carry things, etc. i miss. I missed being in a sport and having excitement and action. I miss being able to ride a snowmobile and fourwheeler and not worry about my back all the time.
I think it would help if i kept myself more busy. I have been trying to get a job, i've applied at 5 places so far without luck. I am trying to hang out with friends more, and I am trying to make myself ""Lightly Jog"" as the doctor would say, once a week, but it's pathetic at how hard that is for me. The combination of being out of shape and my lung capacity being down from the surgery around my lungs makes it hard.
I don't really have anyone i can talk about this with, because unless someone has experienced this, i don't think they understand. So if you think i'm just whining (which i am) don't judge me please, because you just don't get it.
All of these have made me a more irritable person because it's so hard to have to just sit and wait and wait and wait until you get the "ok" to do the things you want. It's hard to always have back pain, and it's hard to always have to worry about how i'm sitting, sleeping, walking, lifting, or doing things.
I know i am lucky, i know people have it so much worse..I know i shouldn't even be complaining..but that's whats on my mind right now, and i needed to get it out.