just jaejoong (jaejoong/junsu)
just jaejoong
jaejoong + junsu
nc-17 | warning: sexual kinks - light bondage, bdsm
for scarletpeonies for the secret santa at hug.
2,486 words
i'm not your original secret santa, but i hope you like. inspired by "the five senses of eros"
The small dinhgy holds just Junsu, Jaejoong, and a box filled with her. Jaejoong wants to tell Junsu that he looks rather stately in his black suit and navy blue necktie, but that would be too inappropriate. Instead, Jaejoong cringes as Junsu dons the white gloves, too big for his small hands.
The ashes are so white, Jaejoong wonders if all that was left of her was bones. The second Junsu's fingers uncurl, the wind takes over and just like that Yoonhee becomes one with the lake, the wind, and Junsu's past.
"Are you okay?"
Jaejoong cringes. Stupid question.
Junsu keeps looking into the water below them, like there are answers there from the underworld.
"Yoonhee's gone" Junsu states. "She's really gone."
Junsu's eyes are dry. Too dry. So dry that the rims of his eyelids become red and Jaejoong almost imagines Junsu's eyelashes crumbling into brittle pieces to join Yoonhee somewhere in the deep waters.
"Let's go" Jaejoong whispers gently.
Somehow Jaejoong's managed to get them back to the dock. The wind makes the boat unsteady. When Junsu steps out last, Jaejoong thinks that Junsu's going to fall in the water. On accident? On purpose? But Junsu just falls into Jaejoong's arms. He's not expecting that, so they fall at awkward angles onto the wooden platform.
"Ouch, you okay?" Jaejoong asks for the second time today.
"No" Junsu answers, face buried into Jaejoong's armpit. "No."
"Me neither" Jaejoong thinks.
--
The decision gets made by everyone except Junsu. It bothers Jaejoong at first, but when Junsu appears at his doorstep, armed with a pillow, a dolphin shaped stuffed animal, and two patterned suitcases, Jaejoong can't bring himself to care about Junsu's apathy.
"He needs some company now that Yoonhee's gone" Junsu's mother tells Jaejoong. "You do too; you live alone. Please look after him."
"He refuses to move in with his parents. He thinks he's being a third wheel with me. That leaves you. Take care of him for all of us. Take care of yourself too." Yoochun confides.
Jaejoong's never felt so conflicted. There's something exciting and breath-taking about having the star to your long-harbored crush showing up at your door. But then there's the fact that Junsu is as zombie-like as ever.
Jaejoong decides to ease into it with the only remedy he really knows.
"One shot. All the way" Jaejoong says. "For starters."
Junsu gives Jaejoong a blank look from across the small wooden floor-table. But then Jaejoong throws back two shots of soju in the meantime, so Junsu just shrugs and does the same to his first cup.
As expected, Junsu knocks out after three shots. Jaejoong finishes the bottle and opens another after he drags Junsu to his room, tucks him in, and chickens out about kissing Junsu on the forehead.
Some things will never change, Jaejoong tells himself.
---
It's close to three in the morning when Jaejoong wakes up to little tearing noises and the thrumming of heavy rain. The first thought is, "rats!" but the second thought is, "Junsu?"
Jaejoong speaks the second thought aloud and the tearing stops. Jaejoong tip-toes over to Junsu's bed and finds it empty. Shuffling around in the dark is never a good thing for Jaejoong so he flips on the light switch. His head kind of aches from the buzz of the soju, but finding Junsu at the foot of his bed, ripping up the sheets is a really really effective wake-up call.
"Junsu?" Jaejoong calls again, but this time it's rushed and panicky. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
Junsu's eyes are blank. All around him, there are strips of white and blue, remnants of Junsu's sheets. Jaejoong checks for blood. That Junsu's making war-time bandages is the only explanation Jaejoong can think of. There isn't a trace of red and Junsu's eyes are still horribly dry.
"Jaejoong" Junsu calls and Jaejoong's focus comes right back.
"Yeah?"
"Tie me up. Please."
Junsu's voice is strained. The fingers holding the last bits of his sheets are white with force. Jaejoong's headache comes back tenfold, then takes over his mind. He doesn't look back.
---
Jaejoong's panting because he's never worked this intensely before. On top of the humid atmosphere inside his apartment, the air inside the bedroom is thick. Finished, Jaejoong gulps and chances a look at Junsu.
He's naked and blindfolded. He's salivating at the corners of his mouth because he's gagged. All with the same sized strips of Junsu's sheets. Jaejoong lets out a shuddering groan.
It's the first time he's done this but not the first time he's seen something similar. The white fabric cuts into Junsu's arms, chest, and legs because Jaejoong's tied them so tight. But the strip ribboned around Junsu's cock is painfully loose. The wetness makes the cotton stick to Junsu's flesh. And when Jaejoong starts to claw gently at the raised flesh, Junsu moans.
There are blotches of red everywhere on Junsu's body. Jaejoong's scratches start to increase in ferocity, leaving perforated lines of raw skin. Junsu starts to pant too, chest rising and falling faster than can be normal.
"Mmm...Mmmm...Mmmm" Junsu says.
Jaejoong pulls the gag down too roughly and a red cut forms on Junsu's bottom lip.
"Jaejoong. Sorry. Jaejoong."
The words all sound alike.
---
When Jaejoong wakes up the next morning, he finds himself on the floor at the foot of Junsu's bed. He's naked and there's a puddle of congealed come on the rug next to a pile of ripped up sheet.
Jaejoong curses under his breath for that, then does so again because Junsu is gone.
His hair is all matted and oily. His face is all sorts of horrendous from sleeping on the hardwood floor. But he pulls on last night's boxers and his bathrobe to go outside to search.
It turns out he doesn't have to because just as Jaejoong reaches the front door, it opens and Junsu comes in, carrying a bag of groceries.
"Morning" Junsu says.
The cut on his lip is only partially healed. Jaejoong stares. But before he can say "good morning" back, he heaves all over Junsu's shoes.
---
Jaejoong figures it makes an odd picture. Junsu's the one covered in scratches and Junsu's the one with the hollow look in his eyes. Yet Jaejoong's the one being spoon-fed with a plastic grocery bag on his knees just in case.
"Sorry about your shoes" Jaejoong says dumbly.
Junsu smiles for the first time in months.
Jaejoong clears his throat and declines the spoon coming at him.
"About last night" Jaejoong starts to say.
"Yoochun" Junsu whispers.
"What?"
"He called. He's coming over."
---
Dinner with Yoochun is quiet. It turns out to be mostly of conversation between Yoochun and Junsu. Jaejoong just stares, on edge as he can just feel Yoochun analyzing Junsu all over.
At the end of the meal, Jaejoong and Yoochun step out for a smoke. Junsu stays inside to watch an old re-run of a movie.
"You know" says Jaejoong, wanting to somehow break the ice first.
"Junsu looks good" Yoochun says instead. "You both look tired as hell but Junsu's smiling now."
"Yeah" Jaejoong croaks.
"Actually smiling."
There are tears in Yoochun's eyes. Jaejoong realizes that this is important. He's always known but it hits him for the second time. Junsu is important to them all.
---
Jaejoong knows it's like giving a toddler Nyquil just to get them to sleep, but the soju nightcap has become a kind of ritual with Junsu and him.
"Jaejoong?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Jaejoong gets nervous. He doesn't quite want a repeat of last night, but then again he doesn't want to push Junsu away.
"Sure, Junsu."
Jaejoong just makes sure to love the wall especially well tonight.
---
Jaejoong dreams of caterpillars. There are tons of green fuzzy ones. There are some black and white polka-dotted ones. But there is a brilliant blue one that he just knows is Junsu. Fast-forward to a cocoon and then a large butterfly with irridescent wings. He soars.
Seconds later, Jaejoong is following behind him, wondering at how the air feels so fresh and new. But then Junsu is slashed down, wings shredded. Jaejoong comes down to inspect the damage but Junsu's antennae become chains that lock around Jaejoong's neck.
"Like this. Just like this" a voice tells Jaejoong.
When Jaejoong is at the brink of suffocating, he starts to fight back. Butterflies don't have arms or hands, but Jaejoong's fingers feel supple skin and he tightens them.
There's a strangled scream from somewhere and Jaejoong wakes up.
Junsu's face is bright red and Jaejoong's hands are around Junsu's neck. He releases Junsu in shock. There are white prints embedded in Junsu's skin.
Junsu gasps. "Just like this..."
Junsu kisses Jaejoong on the jaw and goes back to sleep. But Jaejoong lays wide awake, breaking out in a cold sweat, and wondering if this is all a dream.
---
The next morning, Junsu says he's not up for breakfast and that makes Jaejoong lose his appetite too. Jaejoong goes back to sleep. He's practically pulled an all-nighter and thinks he deserves to sleep in, at least for today.
Later, when he wakes up again, he wakes up to the pitter-pattering of water. There's a chill down his spine as he experiences deja vu, but there are no tearing sounds when he strains his ears.
Jaejoong sits up, surveys Junsu's bed, and realizes that Junsu's in the shower.
It's broad daylight but the curtains have been drawn so that sunlight doesn't betray the time. Jaejoong scratches his chest and lays there, feeling the sheets on his bare skin for a while. But then, he discovers something.
There are no sounds from the bathroom, just water.
Jaejoong scrambles to the shower stall. Junsu's cheek is pressed to the cold tile. His mouth is open and he salivates a little. Junsu's eyes are wide, but unseeing. A bottle of shampoo lies open. The pump has been unscrewed and the shampoo is oozing down the drain. The flexible tube peeks, lodged in Junsu's ass.
"My god. My god" Jaejoong can't stop gasping.
Jaejoong grabs the tube and pulls. Junsu screams. But when the tube is out, Junsu's hips buck wildly then still. Jaejoong holds Junsu's upper body in his arms.
"Junsu. Are you okay? Junsu. Junsu!"
"Jaejoong."
Jaejoong can barely hear Junsu's whisper above the sound of water.
"Fuck me."
---
When Jaejoong starts to move inside of Junsu, his mind goes on another plane.
"This is right. This is right" Jaejoong thinks and focuses on Junsu's red face and pulsating veins.
Junsu's thighs are on either side of Jaejoong's head so Jaejoong leans a cheek on the left one. Junsu whimpers, gasping.
"Spit on my face" whispers Junsu.
"What?"
Jaejoong stops moving. Suddenly, things are just too raw. There's naked skin, sweat, and the unmistakable expression of pain on Junsu's face.
"Spit on me. Please."
Jaejoong feels sick to his stomach. "No" he tells Junsu. "Let's stop this. I"
But then Junsu bucks his hips, rolls them so that Jaejoong arches his back. Junsu's legs have trapped Jaejoong there. Jaejoong feels himself getting hard again.
"Fuck Junsu. Junsu..."
Jaejoong's mouth feels dry, but nevertheless he spits in Junsu's face. Junsu groans loudly and starts to jerk his hips at a frantic pace.
---
It seems like the first time Jaejoong actually steps out of the house since Junsu's come to live with him. He had taken an indefinite leave from work, saying he'd work on his compositions at home. He'd only cooked at home, bribing Yoochun to grocery shop for him.
The sun is startlingly white. And Jaejoong somehow feels like a ghost. Going into the super market had been the most stressful task. But now that he's actually inside, browsing through the aisles gives Jaejoong a kind of peaceful leisure.
"Hey. Jaejoong, right?"
Jaejoong literally bumps his cart into Yunho, Yoochun's friend from college.
"Yeah. Yunho, right? Funny bumping into each other here of all places."
Jaejoong smiles and it feels foreign. The skin around his mouth and cheeks is too tight. It feels like his eyes are going to split at the ends.
"I heard the news from Yoochun" Yunho says somberly. "I'm sorry I couldn't offer my condolences..."
Jaejoong panics, thinking of Junsu and what they've become.
"What? Sorry, I don't..."
"Your sister" Yunho clarifies. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to her funeral."
---
Jaejoong comes home with the breading for tonkatsu but no meat. He comes home with cream and sugar, but no coffee. The grocery bags drop to the floor and some tangerines roll around on the floor.
"Jaejoong?" comes Junsu's thin voice from the bedroom.
Junsu comes limping out in nothing but an oversized shirt of Jaejoong's.
"Come here" says Jaejoong, voice low and flat.
Junsu complies without question, padding toward Jaejoong and carefully wrapping his arms around Jaejoong's waist.
Jaejoong takes a step forward, gets his legs tangled with Junsu's and stumbles onto the floor. Jaejoong's big toe gets folded the wrong way. Through the corner of Jaejoong's eye, he can see that Junsu's gotten friction burns on his knees. Junsu doesn't wince.
"Jaejoong?"
When Jaejoong doesn't reply, Junsu holds him tentatively, like Jaejoong's the one who's delicate or something. Jaejoong lets out a humorless laugh. He lets his own arms wrap around Junsu's shivering frame. Cheek brushes against cheek and Jaejoong finds that Junsu's body is ice cold but his face is burning.
"What's wrong? Jaejoong?"
Jaejoong holds Junsu tighter.
"Jaejoong..."
Jaejoong grips Junsu's shoulders. His left hand slides to Junsu's waist, fingers shaking with control. His right hand slides up to Junsu's head, cards through Junsu's soft hair, then fists.
Junsu keens into Jaejoong's ear. A sign of distress. But Junsu wants that, thinks Jaejoong. He wants this. Junsu wants this.
---
There is a period of three days where Jaejoong doesn't respond to anything. Jaejoong barely registers that Junsu sobbing, but there is no moisture in his own eyes.
On the fourth day, Jaejoong wakes up to the darkness. The apartment is unsettlingly warm, like someone's kept the heater on for too long. Jaejoong wakes up.
"Junsu? Junsu?"
It's like there is no trace of him left. The strips of sheets that Junsu had torn on the first day are gone. But there is the exact same sheet with the exact same pattern in a neat folded pile next to Junsu's used bed. There is a full bottle of shampoo on the edge of the bathtub. Pump in place.
Yoochun calls, asks about Jaejoong's health, asks about work and the songs he's working on. He doesn't mention Junsu. Jaejoong doesn't mention having met Yunho at the mart.
Jaejoong goes back to life as he'd known. Alone. Without a family, without a lover. Just Jaejoong.
It had always been just Jaejoong.
jaejoong + junsu
nc-17 | warning: sexual kinks - light bondage, bdsm
for scarletpeonies for the secret santa at hug.
2,486 words
i'm not your original secret santa, but i hope you like. inspired by "the five senses of eros"
The small dinhgy holds just Junsu, Jaejoong, and a box filled with her. Jaejoong wants to tell Junsu that he looks rather stately in his black suit and navy blue necktie, but that would be too inappropriate. Instead, Jaejoong cringes as Junsu dons the white gloves, too big for his small hands.
The ashes are so white, Jaejoong wonders if all that was left of her was bones. The second Junsu's fingers uncurl, the wind takes over and just like that Yoonhee becomes one with the lake, the wind, and Junsu's past.
"Are you okay?"
Jaejoong cringes. Stupid question.
Junsu keeps looking into the water below them, like there are answers there from the underworld.
"Yoonhee's gone" Junsu states. "She's really gone."
Junsu's eyes are dry. Too dry. So dry that the rims of his eyelids become red and Jaejoong almost imagines Junsu's eyelashes crumbling into brittle pieces to join Yoonhee somewhere in the deep waters.
"Let's go" Jaejoong whispers gently.
Somehow Jaejoong's managed to get them back to the dock. The wind makes the boat unsteady. When Junsu steps out last, Jaejoong thinks that Junsu's going to fall in the water. On accident? On purpose? But Junsu just falls into Jaejoong's arms. He's not expecting that, so they fall at awkward angles onto the wooden platform.
"Ouch, you okay?" Jaejoong asks for the second time today.
"No" Junsu answers, face buried into Jaejoong's armpit. "No."
"Me neither" Jaejoong thinks.
--
The decision gets made by everyone except Junsu. It bothers Jaejoong at first, but when Junsu appears at his doorstep, armed with a pillow, a dolphin shaped stuffed animal, and two patterned suitcases, Jaejoong can't bring himself to care about Junsu's apathy.
"He needs some company now that Yoonhee's gone" Junsu's mother tells Jaejoong. "You do too; you live alone. Please look after him."
"He refuses to move in with his parents. He thinks he's being a third wheel with me. That leaves you. Take care of him for all of us. Take care of yourself too." Yoochun confides.
Jaejoong's never felt so conflicted. There's something exciting and breath-taking about having the star to your long-harbored crush showing up at your door. But then there's the fact that Junsu is as zombie-like as ever.
Jaejoong decides to ease into it with the only remedy he really knows.
"One shot. All the way" Jaejoong says. "For starters."
Junsu gives Jaejoong a blank look from across the small wooden floor-table. But then Jaejoong throws back two shots of soju in the meantime, so Junsu just shrugs and does the same to his first cup.
As expected, Junsu knocks out after three shots. Jaejoong finishes the bottle and opens another after he drags Junsu to his room, tucks him in, and chickens out about kissing Junsu on the forehead.
Some things will never change, Jaejoong tells himself.
---
It's close to three in the morning when Jaejoong wakes up to little tearing noises and the thrumming of heavy rain. The first thought is, "rats!" but the second thought is, "Junsu?"
Jaejoong speaks the second thought aloud and the tearing stops. Jaejoong tip-toes over to Junsu's bed and finds it empty. Shuffling around in the dark is never a good thing for Jaejoong so he flips on the light switch. His head kind of aches from the buzz of the soju, but finding Junsu at the foot of his bed, ripping up the sheets is a really really effective wake-up call.
"Junsu?" Jaejoong calls again, but this time it's rushed and panicky. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
Junsu's eyes are blank. All around him, there are strips of white and blue, remnants of Junsu's sheets. Jaejoong checks for blood. That Junsu's making war-time bandages is the only explanation Jaejoong can think of. There isn't a trace of red and Junsu's eyes are still horribly dry.
"Jaejoong" Junsu calls and Jaejoong's focus comes right back.
"Yeah?"
"Tie me up. Please."
Junsu's voice is strained. The fingers holding the last bits of his sheets are white with force. Jaejoong's headache comes back tenfold, then takes over his mind. He doesn't look back.
---
Jaejoong's panting because he's never worked this intensely before. On top of the humid atmosphere inside his apartment, the air inside the bedroom is thick. Finished, Jaejoong gulps and chances a look at Junsu.
He's naked and blindfolded. He's salivating at the corners of his mouth because he's gagged. All with the same sized strips of Junsu's sheets. Jaejoong lets out a shuddering groan.
It's the first time he's done this but not the first time he's seen something similar. The white fabric cuts into Junsu's arms, chest, and legs because Jaejoong's tied them so tight. But the strip ribboned around Junsu's cock is painfully loose. The wetness makes the cotton stick to Junsu's flesh. And when Jaejoong starts to claw gently at the raised flesh, Junsu moans.
There are blotches of red everywhere on Junsu's body. Jaejoong's scratches start to increase in ferocity, leaving perforated lines of raw skin. Junsu starts to pant too, chest rising and falling faster than can be normal.
"Mmm...Mmmm...Mmmm" Junsu says.
Jaejoong pulls the gag down too roughly and a red cut forms on Junsu's bottom lip.
"Jaejoong. Sorry. Jaejoong."
The words all sound alike.
---
When Jaejoong wakes up the next morning, he finds himself on the floor at the foot of Junsu's bed. He's naked and there's a puddle of congealed come on the rug next to a pile of ripped up sheet.
Jaejoong curses under his breath for that, then does so again because Junsu is gone.
His hair is all matted and oily. His face is all sorts of horrendous from sleeping on the hardwood floor. But he pulls on last night's boxers and his bathrobe to go outside to search.
It turns out he doesn't have to because just as Jaejoong reaches the front door, it opens and Junsu comes in, carrying a bag of groceries.
"Morning" Junsu says.
The cut on his lip is only partially healed. Jaejoong stares. But before he can say "good morning" back, he heaves all over Junsu's shoes.
---
Jaejoong figures it makes an odd picture. Junsu's the one covered in scratches and Junsu's the one with the hollow look in his eyes. Yet Jaejoong's the one being spoon-fed with a plastic grocery bag on his knees just in case.
"Sorry about your shoes" Jaejoong says dumbly.
Junsu smiles for the first time in months.
Jaejoong clears his throat and declines the spoon coming at him.
"About last night" Jaejoong starts to say.
"Yoochun" Junsu whispers.
"What?"
"He called. He's coming over."
---
Dinner with Yoochun is quiet. It turns out to be mostly of conversation between Yoochun and Junsu. Jaejoong just stares, on edge as he can just feel Yoochun analyzing Junsu all over.
At the end of the meal, Jaejoong and Yoochun step out for a smoke. Junsu stays inside to watch an old re-run of a movie.
"You know" says Jaejoong, wanting to somehow break the ice first.
"Junsu looks good" Yoochun says instead. "You both look tired as hell but Junsu's smiling now."
"Yeah" Jaejoong croaks.
"Actually smiling."
There are tears in Yoochun's eyes. Jaejoong realizes that this is important. He's always known but it hits him for the second time. Junsu is important to them all.
---
Jaejoong knows it's like giving a toddler Nyquil just to get them to sleep, but the soju nightcap has become a kind of ritual with Junsu and him.
"Jaejoong?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Jaejoong gets nervous. He doesn't quite want a repeat of last night, but then again he doesn't want to push Junsu away.
"Sure, Junsu."
Jaejoong just makes sure to love the wall especially well tonight.
---
Jaejoong dreams of caterpillars. There are tons of green fuzzy ones. There are some black and white polka-dotted ones. But there is a brilliant blue one that he just knows is Junsu. Fast-forward to a cocoon and then a large butterfly with irridescent wings. He soars.
Seconds later, Jaejoong is following behind him, wondering at how the air feels so fresh and new. But then Junsu is slashed down, wings shredded. Jaejoong comes down to inspect the damage but Junsu's antennae become chains that lock around Jaejoong's neck.
"Like this. Just like this" a voice tells Jaejoong.
When Jaejoong is at the brink of suffocating, he starts to fight back. Butterflies don't have arms or hands, but Jaejoong's fingers feel supple skin and he tightens them.
There's a strangled scream from somewhere and Jaejoong wakes up.
Junsu's face is bright red and Jaejoong's hands are around Junsu's neck. He releases Junsu in shock. There are white prints embedded in Junsu's skin.
Junsu gasps. "Just like this..."
Junsu kisses Jaejoong on the jaw and goes back to sleep. But Jaejoong lays wide awake, breaking out in a cold sweat, and wondering if this is all a dream.
---
The next morning, Junsu says he's not up for breakfast and that makes Jaejoong lose his appetite too. Jaejoong goes back to sleep. He's practically pulled an all-nighter and thinks he deserves to sleep in, at least for today.
Later, when he wakes up again, he wakes up to the pitter-pattering of water. There's a chill down his spine as he experiences deja vu, but there are no tearing sounds when he strains his ears.
Jaejoong sits up, surveys Junsu's bed, and realizes that Junsu's in the shower.
It's broad daylight but the curtains have been drawn so that sunlight doesn't betray the time. Jaejoong scratches his chest and lays there, feeling the sheets on his bare skin for a while. But then, he discovers something.
There are no sounds from the bathroom, just water.
Jaejoong scrambles to the shower stall. Junsu's cheek is pressed to the cold tile. His mouth is open and he salivates a little. Junsu's eyes are wide, but unseeing. A bottle of shampoo lies open. The pump has been unscrewed and the shampoo is oozing down the drain. The flexible tube peeks, lodged in Junsu's ass.
"My god. My god" Jaejoong can't stop gasping.
Jaejoong grabs the tube and pulls. Junsu screams. But when the tube is out, Junsu's hips buck wildly then still. Jaejoong holds Junsu's upper body in his arms.
"Junsu. Are you okay? Junsu. Junsu!"
"Jaejoong."
Jaejoong can barely hear Junsu's whisper above the sound of water.
"Fuck me."
---
When Jaejoong starts to move inside of Junsu, his mind goes on another plane.
"This is right. This is right" Jaejoong thinks and focuses on Junsu's red face and pulsating veins.
Junsu's thighs are on either side of Jaejoong's head so Jaejoong leans a cheek on the left one. Junsu whimpers, gasping.
"Spit on my face" whispers Junsu.
"What?"
Jaejoong stops moving. Suddenly, things are just too raw. There's naked skin, sweat, and the unmistakable expression of pain on Junsu's face.
"Spit on me. Please."
Jaejoong feels sick to his stomach. "No" he tells Junsu. "Let's stop this. I"
But then Junsu bucks his hips, rolls them so that Jaejoong arches his back. Junsu's legs have trapped Jaejoong there. Jaejoong feels himself getting hard again.
"Fuck Junsu. Junsu..."
Jaejoong's mouth feels dry, but nevertheless he spits in Junsu's face. Junsu groans loudly and starts to jerk his hips at a frantic pace.
---
It seems like the first time Jaejoong actually steps out of the house since Junsu's come to live with him. He had taken an indefinite leave from work, saying he'd work on his compositions at home. He'd only cooked at home, bribing Yoochun to grocery shop for him.
The sun is startlingly white. And Jaejoong somehow feels like a ghost. Going into the super market had been the most stressful task. But now that he's actually inside, browsing through the aisles gives Jaejoong a kind of peaceful leisure.
"Hey. Jaejoong, right?"
Jaejoong literally bumps his cart into Yunho, Yoochun's friend from college.
"Yeah. Yunho, right? Funny bumping into each other here of all places."
Jaejoong smiles and it feels foreign. The skin around his mouth and cheeks is too tight. It feels like his eyes are going to split at the ends.
"I heard the news from Yoochun" Yunho says somberly. "I'm sorry I couldn't offer my condolences..."
Jaejoong panics, thinking of Junsu and what they've become.
"What? Sorry, I don't..."
"Your sister" Yunho clarifies. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to her funeral."
---
Jaejoong comes home with the breading for tonkatsu but no meat. He comes home with cream and sugar, but no coffee. The grocery bags drop to the floor and some tangerines roll around on the floor.
"Jaejoong?" comes Junsu's thin voice from the bedroom.
Junsu comes limping out in nothing but an oversized shirt of Jaejoong's.
"Come here" says Jaejoong, voice low and flat.
Junsu complies without question, padding toward Jaejoong and carefully wrapping his arms around Jaejoong's waist.
Jaejoong takes a step forward, gets his legs tangled with Junsu's and stumbles onto the floor. Jaejoong's big toe gets folded the wrong way. Through the corner of Jaejoong's eye, he can see that Junsu's gotten friction burns on his knees. Junsu doesn't wince.
"Jaejoong?"
When Jaejoong doesn't reply, Junsu holds him tentatively, like Jaejoong's the one who's delicate or something. Jaejoong lets out a humorless laugh. He lets his own arms wrap around Junsu's shivering frame. Cheek brushes against cheek and Jaejoong finds that Junsu's body is ice cold but his face is burning.
"What's wrong? Jaejoong?"
Jaejoong holds Junsu tighter.
"Jaejoong..."
Jaejoong grips Junsu's shoulders. His left hand slides to Junsu's waist, fingers shaking with control. His right hand slides up to Junsu's head, cards through Junsu's soft hair, then fists.
Junsu keens into Jaejoong's ear. A sign of distress. But Junsu wants that, thinks Jaejoong. He wants this. Junsu wants this.
---
There is a period of three days where Jaejoong doesn't respond to anything. Jaejoong barely registers that Junsu sobbing, but there is no moisture in his own eyes.
On the fourth day, Jaejoong wakes up to the darkness. The apartment is unsettlingly warm, like someone's kept the heater on for too long. Jaejoong wakes up.
"Junsu? Junsu?"
It's like there is no trace of him left. The strips of sheets that Junsu had torn on the first day are gone. But there is the exact same sheet with the exact same pattern in a neat folded pile next to Junsu's used bed. There is a full bottle of shampoo on the edge of the bathtub. Pump in place.
Yoochun calls, asks about Jaejoong's health, asks about work and the songs he's working on. He doesn't mention Junsu. Jaejoong doesn't mention having met Yunho at the mart.
Jaejoong goes back to life as he'd known. Alone. Without a family, without a lover. Just Jaejoong.
It had always been just Jaejoong.