You might go to a lot of meetings if...
...you know exactly how long it takes you to get to the bathroom and back. (3 minutes)
...you know that you can arrive at a large meeting up to 3 minutes late and not have to apologize, but the smaller the number of participants, the more people notice if you're late.
...you have strong opinions about your phone's mute functionality.
...you're working on curses strong enough to inflict on the person who decided your phone's mute function needed a beep every fifteen seconds to remind me that you're on mute, but you haven't found anything bad enough yet.
...you have strong opinions about the zoom functionality of the conferencing desktop sharing functionality. (No, just "full screen" and "100%" doesn't cut it, you need to adjust by custom percentage.)
...you recognize that "Sorry, I was multi-tasking" is code for " I was not paying attention", but usually don't bust people for it.
...you know that your odds of getting an actual answer to a question without having to repeat it go up a lot if you lead with the name of the person you want an answer from, and exploit that effect regularly.
...you not only know which time zone most of your coworkers live in, but whether they're morning or afternoon people, and take that into account when scheduling meetings.
...you accept that the odds that anybody, including yourself, will recognize the sanctity of the noon lunch hour is about zero.
...four hours of meetings is a light day.
...you deliberately put private appointments into your calendar to get project work done because otherwise any big chunk of free time will get papered over with meetings.
...you listen to comedy routines about bad meetings and laugh heartily because you recognize it all, but can't stop yourself from getting irked that the comedian is such a terrible moderator.
...you have heard your coworkers snoring, making sandwiches, dealing with window installation, and yelling at their barking dogs, to say nothing of driving and calling from airports.
...you have learned through bitter experience that it is just not possible to have a useful meeting when some people are in conference rooms and others are on the phone. People on the phone will never be able to hear everybody in the room.
...you have had combined in-person/phone meetings where the audio equipment was all on the ceiling, so you found yourself lifting your eyes to heaven and intoning "Steve, can you elaborate on what you're expecting the architecture to look like?"
...after half an hour or so, addressing the ceiling started to seem not that strange after all.
...you know that you can arrive at a large meeting up to 3 minutes late and not have to apologize, but the smaller the number of participants, the more people notice if you're late.
...you have strong opinions about your phone's mute functionality.
...you're working on curses strong enough to inflict on the person who decided your phone's mute function needed a beep every fifteen seconds to remind me that you're on mute, but you haven't found anything bad enough yet.
...you have strong opinions about the zoom functionality of the conferencing desktop sharing functionality. (No, just "full screen" and "100%" doesn't cut it, you need to adjust by custom percentage.)
...you recognize that "Sorry, I was multi-tasking" is code for " I was not paying attention", but usually don't bust people for it.
...you know that your odds of getting an actual answer to a question without having to repeat it go up a lot if you lead with the name of the person you want an answer from, and exploit that effect regularly.
...you not only know which time zone most of your coworkers live in, but whether they're morning or afternoon people, and take that into account when scheduling meetings.
...you accept that the odds that anybody, including yourself, will recognize the sanctity of the noon lunch hour is about zero.
...four hours of meetings is a light day.
...you deliberately put private appointments into your calendar to get project work done because otherwise any big chunk of free time will get papered over with meetings.
...you listen to comedy routines about bad meetings and laugh heartily because you recognize it all, but can't stop yourself from getting irked that the comedian is such a terrible moderator.
...you have heard your coworkers snoring, making sandwiches, dealing with window installation, and yelling at their barking dogs, to say nothing of driving and calling from airports.
...you have learned through bitter experience that it is just not possible to have a useful meeting when some people are in conference rooms and others are on the phone. People on the phone will never be able to hear everybody in the room.
...you have had combined in-person/phone meetings where the audio equipment was all on the ceiling, so you found yourself lifting your eyes to heaven and intoning "Steve, can you elaborate on what you're expecting the architecture to look like?"
...after half an hour or so, addressing the ceiling started to seem not that strange after all.