Sticking to it
Unrelated: my MP3 player seems to have mysteriously croaked. So irritating. I only had it for a year and a half, and never did get my music organized to my liking. I probably expect too much out of things. Right when I was starting to think about splurging on an e-reader, too. Grr.
I'm not going to get an iPad to fill both niches; I want a more portable music player. (Ask my extremely tolerant husband - my music addiction is serious business.) A Kindle + a cheapskate MP3 player (like my last one) would fit the bill for the same total cost. But anyway. That's not why I'm here today. I'm here to ramble about:
One of the advice columns that I read recently ran a letter (last one) from a woman who writes for a hobby. She was upset that her husband wouldn't read her work. She thought that the best way to get better was to have her work read by people that she loves and trusts, because she can't bear to show it to anyone else.
Oh, sweetie. No. Opposite day. If you're so close to your work that you can only bear to expose it to a softball audience, then I think you aren't quite ready to get into editing/focusing on improving. And no matter how much you want to tell your loved ones The Truth, and insist that they do the same, your nearest and dearest are going to be a softball audience. Especially if you're sensitive about this. You are inviting them into a minefield. And then encouraging them to jump up and down.
This letter gave me the warm fuzzies overall, though. First, the thought that you can have a kid and still have a hobby or an identity in addition to that - I am still struggling to wrap my brain around that concept. Every little bit helps.
Second, I'm not sure I've ever heard of anyone else who writes without an audience at all. (Except for, well, Henry Darger. Not my choice of patron saint, except in a self-effacing sort of way. That's more on the compulsive-and-weird side.) Fanfic authors have a vast network of support and friendship; pro writers, obv., fame and fortune*; aaaand I do it for no apparent reason, because I want to. This doesn't make me more noble than anyone else. It's just how it is.
I've written for a niche audience on message boards, I've written for a beta-reader or two, and I've written for no one in particular and then tossed it out into the world for anyone to stumble across if they felt like it. About seven months ago I started a project with the self-imposed rule to not write for anyone but myself, for the first time in a very long time. And it's kind of alarming how much fun that is. I was blocked for years before this, and now I'm freeeeeeee. I can do whatever I want and jump on the beds and run through the sprinklers yeaaaaaaaaargh!alkdjf;lasdkj ...
Something in the back of my mind tells me that it shouldn't be so, that nothing is worthwhile unless it's validated by someone else, that it's a waste of time and effort and I should be doing something that will benefit someone else. But I see it as an experiment, and it hasn't overtaken my life (um, as far as I'm aware), so I don't see the harm.
Some people consider it creepy to not have an audience. I'm ambivalent. It's self-indulgent, obviously, but so what. Self-indulgence gets a bad rap, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of other responsibilities.
That's my story, and I'm - not going to finish that terrible pun.
Anyway, this advice column made me reflect, once again, on hobbyists' work, its purpose. A lot of that, for me, comes back to validation and relating to other people - which is probably telling. Do you need validation from others, do you create as a form of self-expression in order to be better understood by others, etc. Everyone is different, of course. I think people can have different attitudes from one project to the next, which is interesting in its own way. (Ex. I love to sing, but kind of hate having an audience - unconnected to whether I'm any good or not; my public-vs.-private attitude about video projects vacillates; and I have to really try to stay on target under peer pressure when it comes to costuming.)
In the last seven-or-so months, I've - only? - gotten about 72K words done. I didn't run a word count till yesterday. It surprised me. It felt like more than that. On the other hand, I have rewritten most of it at least once, and the "cut pile" is pretty substantial (37K words, half as long as the actual story). Writing out of sequence can do that; you may have a general plan, but some interesting side characters pop into your head and now you've got some retcon to do. I don't mind that, though.
But see, that's another thing. "I only have 72K words to show for it." I said I was suspending the need to justify myself, dagnabbit. I also have seven months of a project I've enjoyed, and I don't HAVE to have a single thing to show for it anyway. You know, I don't even know where I got this insistence on relentless productivity. Other people can just freaking watch TV or read online or whatever and not worry about it. I don't feel right if I'm not making something, or if I go too long without synthesizing what I take in into something else, even if it's only a rambling review post.
Heh.
So. Yes, I wouldn't even ask my husband to read my work. He does watch the daily renders of my videos when I'm working on them, but he does it on his own initiative, and I wouldn't mind if he didn't. All I ask for is space to work on my own things, reality checks when I need them (am I putting off real-world obligations y/n?), and respect. I'll gladly give all of that in return.
* ;)
I'm not going to get an iPad to fill both niches; I want a more portable music player. (Ask my extremely tolerant husband - my music addiction is serious business.) A Kindle + a cheapskate MP3 player (like my last one) would fit the bill for the same total cost. But anyway. That's not why I'm here today. I'm here to ramble about:
One of the advice columns that I read recently ran a letter (last one) from a woman who writes for a hobby. She was upset that her husband wouldn't read her work. She thought that the best way to get better was to have her work read by people that she loves and trusts, because she can't bear to show it to anyone else.
Oh, sweetie. No. Opposite day. If you're so close to your work that you can only bear to expose it to a softball audience, then I think you aren't quite ready to get into editing/focusing on improving. And no matter how much you want to tell your loved ones The Truth, and insist that they do the same, your nearest and dearest are going to be a softball audience. Especially if you're sensitive about this. You are inviting them into a minefield. And then encouraging them to jump up and down.
This letter gave me the warm fuzzies overall, though. First, the thought that you can have a kid and still have a hobby or an identity in addition to that - I am still struggling to wrap my brain around that concept. Every little bit helps.
Second, I'm not sure I've ever heard of anyone else who writes without an audience at all. (Except for, well, Henry Darger. Not my choice of patron saint, except in a self-effacing sort of way. That's more on the compulsive-and-weird side.) Fanfic authors have a vast network of support and friendship; pro writers, obv., fame and fortune*; aaaand I do it for no apparent reason, because I want to. This doesn't make me more noble than anyone else. It's just how it is.
I've written for a niche audience on message boards, I've written for a beta-reader or two, and I've written for no one in particular and then tossed it out into the world for anyone to stumble across if they felt like it. About seven months ago I started a project with the self-imposed rule to not write for anyone but myself, for the first time in a very long time. And it's kind of alarming how much fun that is. I was blocked for years before this, and now I'm freeeeeeee. I can do whatever I want and jump on the beds and run through the sprinklers yeaaaaaaaaargh!alkdjf;lasdkj ...
Something in the back of my mind tells me that it shouldn't be so, that nothing is worthwhile unless it's validated by someone else, that it's a waste of time and effort and I should be doing something that will benefit someone else. But I see it as an experiment, and it hasn't overtaken my life (um, as far as I'm aware), so I don't see the harm.
Some people consider it creepy to not have an audience. I'm ambivalent. It's self-indulgent, obviously, but so what. Self-indulgence gets a bad rap, as long as it doesn't come at the expense of other responsibilities.
That's my story, and I'm - not going to finish that terrible pun.
Anyway, this advice column made me reflect, once again, on hobbyists' work, its purpose. A lot of that, for me, comes back to validation and relating to other people - which is probably telling. Do you need validation from others, do you create as a form of self-expression in order to be better understood by others, etc. Everyone is different, of course. I think people can have different attitudes from one project to the next, which is interesting in its own way. (Ex. I love to sing, but kind of hate having an audience - unconnected to whether I'm any good or not; my public-vs.-private attitude about video projects vacillates; and I have to really try to stay on target under peer pressure when it comes to costuming.)
In the last seven-or-so months, I've - only? - gotten about 72K words done. I didn't run a word count till yesterday. It surprised me. It felt like more than that. On the other hand, I have rewritten most of it at least once, and the "cut pile" is pretty substantial (37K words, half as long as the actual story). Writing out of sequence can do that; you may have a general plan, but some interesting side characters pop into your head and now you've got some retcon to do. I don't mind that, though.
But see, that's another thing. "I only have 72K words to show for it." I said I was suspending the need to justify myself, dagnabbit. I also have seven months of a project I've enjoyed, and I don't HAVE to have a single thing to show for it anyway. You know, I don't even know where I got this insistence on relentless productivity. Other people can just freaking watch TV or read online or whatever and not worry about it. I don't feel right if I'm not making something, or if I go too long without synthesizing what I take in into something else, even if it's only a rambling review post.
Heh.
So. Yes, I wouldn't even ask my husband to read my work. He does watch the daily renders of my videos when I'm working on them, but he does it on his own initiative, and I wouldn't mind if he didn't. All I ask for is space to work on my own things, reality checks when I need them (am I putting off real-world obligations y/n?), and respect. I'll gladly give all of that in return.
* ;)