Catching up: Other Stuff
May 8: Gardening
I think I have to destroy our spinach. I saw some leafminer damage while harvesting a few leaves yesterday (I checked all of them and only cooked good leaves!). Apparently you can't really keep it from spreading after it starts, only protect the plants beforehand. And it lasts all summer.
Right now it's the only vegetable in the garden, so that's quite a bummer. There are otherwise a few herbs and flowers that I didn't grow from seed, and a couple of pathetic sprouts. The garden is failing hard this year. It's really discouraging. Nothing's growing this year, and staring at the containers of empty dirt is not spurring me to plant more. Though we had a sopping wet May last year too, and things turned out OK other than the tomatoes...
I just hope to keep the pre-grown plants I got alive for longer than last year. They have better containers - a big container rather than a little herb pot - and that should help. At the auction I wound up with six herbs and non-herb perennials, many of them miniatures - two kinds of creeping thyme, miniature bamboo, miniature catnip, hyssop, and more, probably ill-fated, lavender. I picked up some sad alyssum sprigs at Home Depot/Lowe's/Whatever, and my mom and sister gave me a bunch of annuals - gerbera daisies, a pretty little white flower whose name escapes me, and I forget what else.
Entertained by the miniatures section of the catalog that the minis came from, I grouped most of them in a pair of containers with some alyssum. I'm giving them some time to establish (and spread, if they can), and then add some decorative rocks and things. If I can make a tiny model-railroad-type landscape with plastic robots lounging in sylvan splendor by the end of the summer, the gardening year will be
rescued.
The catnip got its own pot, with an ineffectual-looking barricade around it made of bamboo sticks and plastic wrap. If some neighborhood cats intend to wreck it, perhaps they'll fall down laughing instead. But I only intend to keep that on until the plant can withstand a little gnawing. Once it's not as likely to be chewed down to a nub, I don't mind sharing.
So far, other than two hanging baskets of spider plants, the rest of the garden consists of pots of dirt with mysterious sprouts in them - possibly the things I planted, possibly weeds, possibly holdouts / re-seedings from last year. Dill has come up in the lavender pot. A couple of morning glories came back in the container where they grew last year, despite that pot being given over to whatever takes hold out of the two or three random flowers I sowed in there. (Morning glories are rampant self-seeders, though, so I'm not surprised at that one.) The mint pot has an assortment of what-the, none of which looks like mint. I think that was originally planted in garden soil, rather than potting soil, so no surprise there either.
We also have an in-the-ground patch at the top of the yard which is scattered with an assortment of individually healthy and attractive, but randomly mismatched plants. Most of what I planted last year has come back, it seems, along with the butterfly bush and extremely random tulips that were there already. In fact, the Joe-Pye weed currently on the side of the yard has also come up in the middle of the patch. Last year it was in a container, so apparently it's adapting well to being in the ground.
Still no sign of the daylilies, and I'm not sure whether any of the little sprouts are from the black-eyed Susans. Will have to go out and take a closer look.
This year's project is to make some use of the bottom of the yard, which until last year was piled with brick fragments that we've since made into some bed edging and an unmortared mini-wall. Currently it's just filled with leaves, sticks, and the everpresent (and uninvited) Virginia creeper. Ripping all of that mess out, digging up the soil (and/or laying down some fill) and planting some wildflowers will be an all-day undertaking sometime soon.
So I guess the container garden's epic fail is mitigated by the miniature garden and the yard itself, however weird and difficult it may be. It'll keep me busy.
[edit upon posting: whew, a lot has changed since then. May post later.]
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May 8: It's all Romulan to me
Bwah-wah-wah. A former co-worker who's still in the industry (just elsewhere) called about something work-related, and then some chitchat - and asked if I'd seen the new Trek movie. "I thought you'd be right in line!" D'oh. No. We'll probably see it... but uh, no.
However, I don't hold it against people when they don't know the difference between various nerdnesses. I know a lot of nerds do. I don't expect anyone to remember the difference between Japanese comics and English (meaning language, not country), because that's unnecessary info to most people. If they don't expect you to remember rivalries between college football teams or plot machinations of reality shows, then how about returning the favor and giving them a pass when they call something, ohh, say, a "cartoon." Because in that context, it's a vague descriptor, not a freaking dissertation on the popular culture of x, y, and z. It's not that important.
On the other hand, I think a lot of nerds freak out about it not only because they like freaking out about things (it's the #2 universal nerd pastime, after collecting things), but because the people around them are kind of assholes and do expect everyone to know that USomething and Whatever State are bitter enemies for some reason that nobody remembers. In that case, how about breaking out of the stereotype and taking the high road. Or hey, try throwing in a comparison. You don't remember that stuff the same way that they don't remember the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. Because, hopefully without rancor, you don't care. Sure, it's extremely different if you're into that sort of thing, but so are USomething and Whatever State. You just don't care, and they just don't care, hopefully without rancor. And there's nothing wrong with that.
Thing is, though, if someone is trying to make cross-aisle conversation and flubs what is (let's be honest with ourselves, please) a technicality, I think it's missing the forest for the trees. Nerds have enough of a reputation of social assholishness without sabotaging themselves by being abrasive over things that don't really matter.
This is why I have the habit - one that probably annoys the holy hell out of my loosely defined peer group - of rounding up my hobbies and fandoms to the nearest universal term if I know the people I'm talking to don't care about minutiae. If anyone at work asks if I'm going out of town on my vacation, I'll say that I'm going to a Japanese cartoon and video game convention. YES, I WENT THERE. THE C-WORD. They don't care about the divergent evolution of American and Japanese animation. They're idly curious about whether I'm going to the beach or something. That's not the time for a speech about the cultural history of shounen manga. I am not the sort of nerd who likes to pin down hapless bystanders with long, boring explanations. I don't think that does anyone any good.
Nor do I think that it's a crucial travesty to the true heart of the fandom. They're just words. I'm just translating. I know the anime fandom has a neurosis a mile wide about the T-word, too, but I don't think they understand what it really means. I care more about communication with people than slavish adherence to every single tiny point of data. I don't think it's hypocritical of me to say that I read comic books (when speaking to a near-stranger) when what I mostly read is manga. Or that I tend to explain cosplay by referencing Trek conventioneers. To most people, it's all the same damn thing, and I'm trying to meet them where they are so that they get my general drift. It doesn't mean that I like manga any less or some foolish thing like that. And if they asked about it (which, basically, no one ever does) I would elaborate. If someone said, "Hey, you're into this stuff, right? What's the difference?" THEN I would explain. Because then, they want to know.
What would be hypocritical, IMO, is lambasting something in public that you enjoy in private, or signing on to that hipster "irony" bullshit. Merely translating some concept from subcultural slang to a general-audience term is not hypocritical. It's trying to make things convenient to the person you're talking to. It's a courtesy. I think any fan without a complex or three should be able to understand that. If the hypothetical nerd walked into a room and got a joking comment about wearing a blue shirt during the playoffs, they'd appreciate it if the USomething fan threw in an aside to explain that it was about the burning Whatever State rivalry. Without an attitude. It's not a big deal.
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A follow-up for that one: "Why Spock is the ultimate fangirl crush object." Heh. Heh...heh.
hm.
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May 14: The Couple of Olden Times~!
Some friends who spent our last outing Twittering and fidgeting with their phones, eager to bolt, have invited us out again. I am mystified. Are we a Cro-Magnon trainwreck?
Maybe we're an experiment. There may be a killer thread about us already. THE PEOPLE OF OLDEN TIMES. Watch! as they go for hours without pleading for personal validation from the internet! Gasp! as they go about their lives without expecting everybody to care!
We could be a theme park ride. Not a roller coaster, more like an EPCOT boat ride. The World of Yesterday~!
Sweet.
Finally emailed my cousin about our French-vanilla wedding. With a giant wall of text. Rambleaga. Tera Ramble. Rmbl4.
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May 21: You can be ugly AND an asshole. Really.
Reading a comment thread about a random article online unearthed a commenter who sounded rather scarily as though me-in-high-school had grown older without ever mellowing out. "Everyone hates me because I'm ugly, the world is entirely shallow assholes without exception, everyone but me is only after meaningless sex, love is an illusion, I alone am above the phonies, I can say whatever vile blanket-statement obnoxiousness I want, and if anyone calls me on it they're obviously only attacking me because of my looks, sob." Roundhouse kick to the face. Pleeeeeeeeease.
Because it's not as though you're being a d-bag. Oh no. It's obviously all about your looks. You don't have to treat other people with respect or anything.
Ugh.
Yes. People are more easily interested in pretty people. Everyone wants to be near them and get to know them. Everyone seeks out and appreciates their talent. The world lies down at their feet. Fine, whatever. You know what that means for the rest of us? We just have to work a little harder. The world isn't going to beat a path to your door to discover your brilliance? Put your brilliance out there, you idiot. Sucking your thumb and crying about how nobody will discover your invisible brilliance that you have hiding under the mattress is not proving anything except that you're really good at shooting yourself in the foot.
It sucks to be both ugly and socially inept. Not because OMG Everyone Hates U, but because you do have to work harder to get people to know you, and working harder doesn't come easily, so you have to work a little harder than that to catch up. What's natural to me is basically not talking at all. I don't think anyone wants to hear what I have to say, and when I try I tend to get cut in on and run over by the motormouths in the crowd. But if I gave into that, and said nothing, then if nobody knew what I thought or what I could do, then it would be nobody's fault but my own. People aren't effing psychic. If you don't even bother to meet them halfway and then blame everyone but yourself, you're being willfully dense.
Also, being ignored or disliked is not some grand Proof that the World is Out to Get You. Because generally, the world just couldn't care less one way or the other. And it's a fallacy that being disliked means that you're brilliant. It may just mean that you're a jerk.
I know from being reviled, believe me. I've been one of the most annoying people on the internet, and as a result have been widely hated and mocked. Does this prove that I'm secretly Above Everything? Or that they're all Shallow and Judgemental and Don't Get It? No. It means that I've said some massively stupid shit in my day. Am I all better now? Maybe, maybe not. I'm probably saying something massively stupid now. Who knows. I've tried to cut back on the problem by trying not to "speak" in anyone else's space - I don't go to forums (except the local con forum, and I've cut back on that), I try to remember not to comment on anyone else's LJs, and I post less on this one. I'm a little easier to avoid that way. Sometimes I think that people with whom I'm on neutral terms will think that I don't like them anymore, or something, but really I just want to spare you all the annoyance.
I don't expect anyone to respect me online again. I don't think I've earned anyone's respect, either. I didn't really try to. I don't think I'm forgivable, and flailing around trying will only make it worse.
So, anyway. You know who's to blame for all of that mess? Me. Opening my big fat mouth. I'm not going to construct some elaborate dodge about how I'm a victim of everyone else's lookism, or some silliness like that. Yes, meeting internet people IRL is a disaster. But only a little of that is because I'm a beast and a cosplayer. The hammer really comes down when people find out who I am. You can see the switch going off in their heads before they back away. And that's all because of the stupid things I've said over the years. Not lookism or anything else.
PS.: Neat explanations that tie everything together in a unified field theory of socializing and absolve you of all responsibility of your condition in life... are generally bullshit.
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May 21: You know you still know the words to "Butterfly." Don't deny it.
I may be dooming myself all superstition-like by talking about it so early, but I'm trying to get back on the fitness wagon just a tiny bit. I haven't felt so swift lately, and being weighed smacked it into my head that I'm almost at a personal worst. I wasn't expecting that at all. Really, as bad as when I was living with my mom and completely miserable and not getting any exercise at all? Apparently so.
To start out, I've instituted for myself about half an hour of DDR four days a week (Tues, Thurs, Sat and Sun) - actual playtime, not counting menu-scrolling - and writing down everything I eat. These are niot very extreme measures. I'd prefer to get exercise every day, because it seems like more of a routine/habit that way, but I may have to mix it up with another type to avoid destroying my knees. I also have to try working it in around class night, without staying up too late.
Anyway, I have always sucked at DDR, and nothing has changed on that front. I've never owned my own copy or had the opportunity to play on a regular basis, though, so even if I were 98 pounds I'd still be out of practice. (I assume that matters, too.) I'm playing on Basic, which may correspond to what my long-lost Ultramix called "Beginner" or "Light" - I'm not sure. They only have three levels for most of these versions. And the difficulty rating is wonky - in Konamix the other day I scored an A on a supposed five-foot song (Midnight...Something?), which is ludicrous compared to my Bs in a raft of three-foot songs. And the step charts for some of the songs are the same as I remember ("Moonlight Shadow") and some are different ("B4U", much easier than Ultramix).
Still, despite the lameassitude of my play style, it's a start. And even if I am playing on Basic, my play style is so inefficient that I'm working harder than Basic warrants, which is bad for gameplay leetness but not so bad for exercise. See, Basic seems to use only beats 1 and 3 for a lot of songs, which makes it harder for me to keep count since you're just standing there doing nothing on 2 and 4. So I tend to bounce around to stay on beat even when there are no steps, and to make the really slow ones more interesting. If Jay's play style is Mantis Man, then I am When '80s Workout Videos Attack. I'm never going to win any competitions that way, but I am worn out when I'm done, and that's all I'm after at this point.
...It's a start. I decided to go with this rather than, say, GFY!F (which I still own!) or the stationary bike because it sounded more interesting, and because I hadn't had a good place to try it before. It's not easy to quantify other than by time played, but that's at least x amount of time that I was jumping around instead of sitting on the couch. And I'm trying to establish a habit. Before I met Jay, I worked out several days a week, but dating (while great in its own way, mind you) disrupted that schedule. I just need to find a new schedule and a new time balance.
Here's a scarier thought: The JCC's workout center flyer listed "Bridal Fitness" among its summer classes. You sign up with (assumedly the female half of) your bridal party and have an all-bridal-themed fitness class. I find this terrifying. Yes, granted, working out >>>>>>>>> starving yourself or taking quack drugs. And if you've bought into the whole thing, I'm sure it's super sparkly bonding to wear matching T-shirts and go to girly boot camp. But it also sounds like an invitation for drama-bombs. (Dragging one of the "'maids" kicking and screaming? One of them isn't losing enough weight to fit into Her Highness's Holy Vision? Or losing too much and upstaging Her?) I wonder how it plays out for people. Hm.
But long story short: not me, thanks. Hell, bonding? I can't even ask anyone to join my bridal party. It seems like it would be such a pain to be asked, and not at all an honor. And I admit, getting shot down by one of my invitees was a confidence-killer. I kind of envy Jay's ease in knowing who his friends are.
BUT that's drifting into That Which Shall Not Be Talked About Except In Segregated LJ-Cut Entries Lest I Come Off As An Obsessed Twit. So I'll stop there.
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Today: The Path and the Slow Game Movement, which really isn't a movement, just some bitching by Jonathan Blow. Still interesting. The point that particularly caught my sympathy was the idea of engaging the viewer/player into the story without expecting self-insertion. How often does that happen?
I'm sure my computer can't run The Path, but I will try to remember to check it out next time I upgrade, just out of curiosity.
...whew.