introspection?
Its funny,
Last year I feared being happy. I still am scared of the prospect...
I was reading old lj entries...xanga entries...even my server blog (I may go back to using that...dunno), and I never grasped the magnitude of exactly how much my life was wonderful. I don't know which factors were the determining ones. All I can do is do a sortof "compare file" on my life and see what is different since my last save points. (Whoaw that was an awful analogy). So much of me has changed. So very much of me has changed. Circumstances, behavior, appearance... and yet I still treasure the same things and people that I did before.
I think there is a time when you look back and you realize you have become yourself... A time when you realize which of your behaviors are real, and which ones are the facade... I don't know ... perhaps I am not ready to be ok with myself yet...
I have to re-evaluate what I want.
I am not ready to risk things for what I want.
Getting comfortable with love is dangerous... you might just forget what it means.
Last year I feared being happy. I still am scared of the prospect...
I was reading old lj entries...xanga entries...even my server blog (I may go back to using that...dunno), and I never grasped the magnitude of exactly how much my life was wonderful. I don't know which factors were the determining ones. All I can do is do a sortof "compare file" on my life and see what is different since my last save points. (Whoaw that was an awful analogy). So much of me has changed. So very much of me has changed. Circumstances, behavior, appearance... and yet I still treasure the same things and people that I did before.
I think there is a time when you look back and you realize you have become yourself... A time when you realize which of your behaviors are real, and which ones are the facade... I don't know ... perhaps I am not ready to be ok with myself yet...
I have to re-evaluate what I want.
I am not ready to risk things for what I want.
Getting comfortable with love is dangerous... you might just forget what it means.