&This is where we begin.
It's not that easy. Why does everyone make it seem so easy? It's not easy for me. It's never been easy for me. How can I express my true feelings if I can't even get them in order before I open my mouth? Why is this so goddamn challenging? When I pick up a pen, I feel okay. Like my life is in order again. But when I open my mouth to talk to you, there's nothing to say. I get tangled up in these other stupid thoughts that don't matter and then I just don't know what to say at all.
So what do you say to someone who won't let you speak? How do you pick up from nowhere and make it go someplace great? AND HOW DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT SO FUCKING EASY?
I must have missed something important. Where's the memo that said how to do this? Was I gone for that? Because everyone else obviously has one.
So I rely on my friends to talk for me. Because I can talk to them, but I just can't talk to you. Maybe I can gain that confidence through them. Because you make me feel stupid and worthless. Even though I know you would be lucky to get me, not the other way around. Is that selfish? It seems like it, but deep down, I think it's true. That should make things easier, shouldn't it? It doesn't. And I don't know why.
Someone tell me how to do this. Because I sure as hell can't do it alone. Tell me how to make the words fit together faster, how to gain the confidence to speak what I feel inside, how to show you that I feel for you so much, and you don't even know. Someone give me a manual for this shit. There should be one, because everyone else seems to have read it. Everyone but me.
xx.
So what do you say to someone who won't let you speak? How do you pick up from nowhere and make it go someplace great? AND HOW DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT SO FUCKING EASY?
I must have missed something important. Where's the memo that said how to do this? Was I gone for that? Because everyone else obviously has one.
So I rely on my friends to talk for me. Because I can talk to them, but I just can't talk to you. Maybe I can gain that confidence through them. Because you make me feel stupid and worthless. Even though I know you would be lucky to get me, not the other way around. Is that selfish? It seems like it, but deep down, I think it's true. That should make things easier, shouldn't it? It doesn't. And I don't know why.
Someone tell me how to do this. Because I sure as hell can't do it alone. Tell me how to make the words fit together faster, how to gain the confidence to speak what I feel inside, how to show you that I feel for you so much, and you don't even know. Someone give me a manual for this shit. There should be one, because everyone else seems to have read it. Everyone but me.
xx.