almost done...but still so fare to go...
I go home in a few days, and right now I'm not really sure if that's a good thing. It kind of makes me sad that I have such mixed feelings about going home. I mean, I feel like I should be happier or at least more excited about it or something. Don't get me wrong in some way I guess I'm happy to be going home… but at the same time there is the fact that Florida still doesn't really feel like home. None of my friends live there, I don't have a job, and always seem to spend too much time with my parents. I have high hopes about this break though. I have the hope that I'm going to get to see a doctor and dentist and maybe even get my wisdom teeth out. And I know I'll get to sleep, and probably end up going to Disney a few times, and maybe even get a little sun onto my pasty skin. I even have a small hope of getting to Miami this break in getting to see my cousins and my friend Rachel.
However -- one of the other underlining problems with going home is a fact that I always seem to lose some portion of my ability to socialize with others.
As strange as it might sound I have really noticed this happening. You see, my parents don't really know that many people in Florida either, not to mention the fact they're both kind of social shut-ins. As a result of this fact when I go home I communications with the outside world drop significantly in that causes me to lose some portion of my ability to comfortably and effectively communicate with others. Now, as much as I love to consider myself the most outgoing person in the world I happen to know the reality of the situation is that I'm more of a shy person. On its own that's not really a horrible thing and does not generally get in the way of my life, however in the more recent weeks... well I guess most of his past term I have noticed that my social anxiety has been a lot higher than normal. For some reason, but I really can't explain there are times when social situations just... make me feel like him about to have a panic attack (this is especially bad amongst people are really don't know, or when I'm part of a group). Hopefully, if I do make it to Miami this won't be as big an issue, but if I don't... well then that's a separate issue.
In many ways I still wish that we lived in New Canaan, which is actually something I find funny considering the fact I never liked the town itself that much when I lived there. I guess what I do miss are my friends (who I having been able to see in over a year and a half now... and I really don't know what I'm with eager to see them again) and the steady jobs I had that made it so did not have to be dependent on anybody else, and the fact that I lived right near everything. Going from that's my current living situation -- I don't think that's something I'll every get used to. I mean undoing the best I can with the situation -- I really am -- but moments like right now it's harder than others. I know why we had to move, and I understand it, and can even visibly see the positive changes in my mom's health as a result of it... but I still don't really like it.
Right now I really should be working on my final exams -- I have my end-of-life issues exam tomorrow at 12:30, but as the night wears on I find it harder and harder to concentrate. That's on its own is nothing new, I just wish it weren't happening as I have so much other stuff I need to get done. Its action kind of funny, for his overwhelmed as I feel right now I really don't have that much to do. Don't misunderstand I have a shirt load to have to get done, but if I sat down and actually got worked done, it really wouldn't be that bad. Instead I seem to be sitting in my chair staring at the computer screen waiting for to say something to me (though I think if it starts doing that I really am going call the night).
Overall this really hasn't been a bad term... a lot of good things happened, and some not so good things happened, event is simply the way the world works on the part of life. No term is ever going to be perfectly good without any problems or any kind of drama. I know this fact and I like to believe I'm not naïve enough to think otherwise (no matter what I may hope). But for lack of easier thing to say, I will say that I hope the next term is a better term.
Well I guess I've gone off enough right now and I really do have to try and get some work done before i crash for the night.
Goodnight world --
ME
However -- one of the other underlining problems with going home is a fact that I always seem to lose some portion of my ability to socialize with others.
As strange as it might sound I have really noticed this happening. You see, my parents don't really know that many people in Florida either, not to mention the fact they're both kind of social shut-ins. As a result of this fact when I go home I communications with the outside world drop significantly in that causes me to lose some portion of my ability to comfortably and effectively communicate with others. Now, as much as I love to consider myself the most outgoing person in the world I happen to know the reality of the situation is that I'm more of a shy person. On its own that's not really a horrible thing and does not generally get in the way of my life, however in the more recent weeks... well I guess most of his past term I have noticed that my social anxiety has been a lot higher than normal. For some reason, but I really can't explain there are times when social situations just... make me feel like him about to have a panic attack (this is especially bad amongst people are really don't know, or when I'm part of a group). Hopefully, if I do make it to Miami this won't be as big an issue, but if I don't... well then that's a separate issue.
In many ways I still wish that we lived in New Canaan, which is actually something I find funny considering the fact I never liked the town itself that much when I lived there. I guess what I do miss are my friends (who I having been able to see in over a year and a half now... and I really don't know what I'm with eager to see them again) and the steady jobs I had that made it so did not have to be dependent on anybody else, and the fact that I lived right near everything. Going from that's my current living situation -- I don't think that's something I'll every get used to. I mean undoing the best I can with the situation -- I really am -- but moments like right now it's harder than others. I know why we had to move, and I understand it, and can even visibly see the positive changes in my mom's health as a result of it... but I still don't really like it.
Right now I really should be working on my final exams -- I have my end-of-life issues exam tomorrow at 12:30, but as the night wears on I find it harder and harder to concentrate. That's on its own is nothing new, I just wish it weren't happening as I have so much other stuff I need to get done. Its action kind of funny, for his overwhelmed as I feel right now I really don't have that much to do. Don't misunderstand I have a shirt load to have to get done, but if I sat down and actually got worked done, it really wouldn't be that bad. Instead I seem to be sitting in my chair staring at the computer screen waiting for to say something to me (though I think if it starts doing that I really am going call the night).
Overall this really hasn't been a bad term... a lot of good things happened, and some not so good things happened, event is simply the way the world works on the part of life. No term is ever going to be perfectly good without any problems or any kind of drama. I know this fact and I like to believe I'm not naïve enough to think otherwise (no matter what I may hope). But for lack of easier thing to say, I will say that I hope the next term is a better term.
Well I guess I've gone off enough right now and I really do have to try and get some work done before i crash for the night.
Goodnight world --
ME