Fic: Star Trek - Below the Line - K/S (2/3)
Title: Below The Line
Part : 2 ( all parts here)
Fandom: Star Trek (NewTrek)
Pairing: Spock/Kirk (pre-slash)
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All rights reserved to makers.
Note: Not beta'd, very first fanfic i started for star trek that i finally got around to continueing lol
Summary: "It felt wrong, more than wrong, it felt unnatural." Expansion of the SpockKirk fight.
The strain left behind after their fight on the Bridge weighed heavily on Jim and Spock. In the end, Jim had gotten what he wanted, the control of the ship and it’s crew, but that had done little to dispel the ache in his chest. It had only seemed to grow the more time went by. A part of him had lit up when Spock returned to the Bridge, when they had worked together to help take now Nero. It was a odd feeling, but highly satisfying to know that they had accomplished something together. It made him feel like they were connected, even if it was for the shortest amount of time. The tension had still been there, but there was something in the way that Spock had looked at him from across the Bridge, the way they had stood together at the end, that had made him feel like maybe things would be okay.
Of course, there was no way for him to tell what was going through Spock’s mind that entire time. It would be wishful thinking to hope that it was something similar to him, but that might merely be hope that he wasn’t just losing his mind. Somehow they had gotten through that day, somehow they had gotten through the dozens of meetings and talks back at Starfleet. Somehow Jim found himself as the Captain of the Enterprise, fully and not with any tricks.
Every time Jim sat in his chair though, an uneasiness filled his chest. His eyes would travel of their own accord to the console in front of him, the one that he been thrown over. More than once he had to suppress a shudder, less his crew notice his odd behaviour. He had thought that Spock offering his services as his Second in Command would signal a change, that he could put behind those memories. No matter how hard Jim tried he could not shake the feeling it had left, like it was buried beneath his skin. The wrongness he had felt only seemed to grow and grow until Jim could barely even concentrate. The only thing that made it any worse, was thinking that Spock did not feel the same, that the fight had had no effect on him.
Jim could not of been further from the truth if he had tried, though to his credit, Vulcan’s were incredibly talented at hiding their emotions. Spock was finding this feat harder and harder by the day. His usual calm was disrupted to the point that he felt like he was almost suffocating under his own thoughts. He could see it in his Captain’s face, that he was struggling under everything and it caused Spock more pain than he dared admit to, to know that he was the one to cause it. He had hoped that is offering his services would be a gesture to put their past behind them. The fight, after all, had been beneficial. It had allowed them to stop Nero and had allowed Spock to avenge the death of his mother and planet. Still Spock could not shake the feeling that something was missing.
Even looking at it on a more practical level, Spock had not been able to reach a satisfactory level of meditation that he was required to maintain. His body and mind was slowly starting to feel the strain it was causing. He knew sooner or later his overall productivity would start to suffer. He often found himself watching Jim on their shifts, his eyes subtle straying over to the Captain. It was not hard to tell that Jim’s focus was off, that his health was slowly declining. As each day went by he looked more and more tired, more worn down. It was an notion, when Spock realised, that the sight was tearing through him, causing him pain. It took two months before it came time that enough was enough.
KSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKS
Jim sighed as he let himself into his room, running his hand wearily down his face. He was exhausted, mentally and physically. He could not remember the last time he felt fully rested. His quarters were dark as he entered and he padded around slowly, not bothering to turn them on. His room was scarce of items, the chances of him walking into anything was slim. He could not bring himself to care if he did.
“Computer, lights.”
Jim jumped in shock at the sound of a sudden voice, the harsh light stinging his eyes as he peered around. Confusion bubbled in him as he spotted his First Officer standing to one side of his room.
“Spock?” He said confused, his brow furrowing as he regarded the man. If it was even possible, the Vulcan look nervous, his eyebrows slightly arched in that way that betrayed his emotions. “What are you doing here?”
Jim had not seen Spock since he had left his shift a couple of hours before Jim, he just assumed the man would return to his own quarters, never giving much thought to any other alternative. Spock stood still, his hands clasped behind his back, his face portraying calm while on the inside his whole body was shaking. He had planned on coming here to confront the Captain, to make amends, ease both of their worries but words suddenly did not seem enough.
The tension on the room as thick, the walls seeming like they had shrunk forwards to crowd them in. Each felt like they needed to say something, something meaningful, something to convey everything that had happened between them. In could have been hours, days even but it became startlingly clear that words were never going to be enough to make things right. Words were never going to be enough to erase the hurt they had caused each other, to mend the gap they had made and yet still didn’t understand.
Neither knew they had even moved until they had, meeting half way across the room. Hands desperately grabbed each other, taking hold of the first part they could find. Jim’s breath caught in his throat as he realised he had his hands wound into the front of Spock’s shirt, Spock’s own hands clinging to his forearms. Their bodies were pressed so close together that it was easy to feel the heat rolling off of each body. Jim’s breath tickles across Spock’s skin, causing shivers to run through him.
“This is illogical.” Spock whispered, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and strained.
“Your telling me.” Jim replied just as hoarsely. His hands shook the longer he held on, an unexplainable urge telling him draw Spock closer. Some sane part of him knew he should step back and think but his brain was no longer functioning the way it should be.
“This is illogical.” Spock said once again, no more than barely a whisper, his mouth a breath away from Jim’s. The feeling of “now or never” hung strongly in the air.
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3