run away
i want to move.
far away.
like chicago. or maybe mexico.
recently things have been getting better, slowing down. i have learned alot more about myself. maybe more than i really intended on. i got a taste of my own medicine. it was not good.
i felt my grip on the control of my life slip away. i guess maybe that was a good thing because now i know that i cant really have a say in everything i want. but i also learned that i need to have a tighter grip on the things i want to fight for.
i am really tired of being single. but im also not willing to just settle. i fucked up twice already. third times a charm i guess.
i lost someone that i spent years with, went through everything with, cried with, laughed with, relied on... thought i would be with forever. all because i thought that maybe there was something better. well, now hes gone. & i really cannot get him back.
im not saying that i want to be with him. because if he doesnt want to be with me right now or ever, thats the way that goes. im not gonna be pathetic about it.
next guy was there for me throughout everything with guy 1, he spent years trying to get in, trying to be that one for me and when i finally saw that it could be great i went for it. but i got so scared that i was not gonna be with guy 1 that i had to break it all off with guy 2. mistake.
both of my sisters are getting married. ( not saying i need that right now ) but i see how happy they are. i practically live with a "couple". i love them alot. but most of the time it just reminds me of how im not even close to that. we all share the same room. we are all poor together. but when it comes down to it, im the one sleeping alone with no one to cuddle with or play with.
im sorry im being so lame right now. but honestly just dont read it if you hate it.
far away.
like chicago. or maybe mexico.
recently things have been getting better, slowing down. i have learned alot more about myself. maybe more than i really intended on. i got a taste of my own medicine. it was not good.
i felt my grip on the control of my life slip away. i guess maybe that was a good thing because now i know that i cant really have a say in everything i want. but i also learned that i need to have a tighter grip on the things i want to fight for.
i am really tired of being single. but im also not willing to just settle. i fucked up twice already. third times a charm i guess.
i lost someone that i spent years with, went through everything with, cried with, laughed with, relied on... thought i would be with forever. all because i thought that maybe there was something better. well, now hes gone. & i really cannot get him back.
im not saying that i want to be with him. because if he doesnt want to be with me right now or ever, thats the way that goes. im not gonna be pathetic about it.
next guy was there for me throughout everything with guy 1, he spent years trying to get in, trying to be that one for me and when i finally saw that it could be great i went for it. but i got so scared that i was not gonna be with guy 1 that i had to break it all off with guy 2. mistake.
both of my sisters are getting married. ( not saying i need that right now ) but i see how happy they are. i practically live with a "couple". i love them alot. but most of the time it just reminds me of how im not even close to that. we all share the same room. we are all poor together. but when it comes down to it, im the one sleeping alone with no one to cuddle with or play with.
im sorry im being so lame right now. but honestly just dont read it if you hate it.