pull my strings just for a thrill.
its getting really close to christmas. and i have started looking back on past relationships
not just boy/girl but friend ones too. that i have had in the past years around this time
and what we did around this time.
it almost makes me sad and really anxious.
i have had alot of anxieties lately and scattered thoughts about various things.
i miss certain people.
alot.
and i dont know what to do to get them back.
i saw arian last night. it really made me happy. he is one of my favorite people. and truly genuine at that.
well i guess its really only like one person. and i dont even know why i want him back around.
he only gave me crap half the time.
then the rest was fun.
whatever to that.
i keep thinking that things should have turned out differently.
but im not quite sure with what situation?
there are so many things that i love that happened in my life. and usually i would say i would not change anything
but im beginning to think that i would.
not that i regret it.
but because i loathe it...
and hate the memory. even if its good.
although i am becoming more accepting of the harder parts of my past. and present life now.
i accept that one guy that changed me and made me the way i am now.
even though it messed up alot of things now.
but other things. like dancing in the snow with an unmentionable boy. i love that memory. but i dont want it.. anymore. i just want to start off clean.
jenn and i talked for a long time last night. about things.
it was a really meaningful conversation. and really meant alot.
i know that she is accepting of me. and what ive done. and it feels
really amazing
to have someone like that.
i know i have more than her like that. but. shes different... she is... jenn.
anyways. i know this entry might be- lame, stupid, or off the wall. but i just felt like it needed to be written.
maybe for my own reasons. maybe for nothing.
i wish i could write about other things. but i cant. thats what my journal is for i guess.
♥
not just boy/girl but friend ones too. that i have had in the past years around this time
and what we did around this time.
it almost makes me sad and really anxious.
i have had alot of anxieties lately and scattered thoughts about various things.
i miss certain people.
alot.
and i dont know what to do to get them back.
i saw arian last night. it really made me happy. he is one of my favorite people. and truly genuine at that.
well i guess its really only like one person. and i dont even know why i want him back around.
he only gave me crap half the time.
then the rest was fun.
whatever to that.
i keep thinking that things should have turned out differently.
but im not quite sure with what situation?
there are so many things that i love that happened in my life. and usually i would say i would not change anything
but im beginning to think that i would.
not that i regret it.
but because i loathe it...
and hate the memory. even if its good.
although i am becoming more accepting of the harder parts of my past. and present life now.
i accept that one guy that changed me and made me the way i am now.
even though it messed up alot of things now.
but other things. like dancing in the snow with an unmentionable boy. i love that memory. but i dont want it.. anymore. i just want to start off clean.
jenn and i talked for a long time last night. about things.
it was a really meaningful conversation. and really meant alot.
i know that she is accepting of me. and what ive done. and it feels
really amazing
to have someone like that.
i know i have more than her like that. but. shes different... she is... jenn.
anyways. i know this entry might be- lame, stupid, or off the wall. but i just felt like it needed to be written.
maybe for my own reasons. maybe for nothing.
i wish i could write about other things. but i cant. thats what my journal is for i guess.
♥