(no subject)
--caution! somewhat emo post! haha--
Have you ever had those friends, that just bring out the worst in you? and after hanging out with them, you feel like just a horrible person.
Not because of like, illegal activities or peer pressure or anything like that. I'm talking about the like, way you act around them. i hate it. im kinda mad at myself right now,. just becuase i always go back to this, violent, immature side of me whenever i'm with these people, specially combined. andi just hate it. i want to be different. i want to be awesome. but its soo hard. so hard. and just like christina said.. i ave such a target on my back. everyones watching my every move. making sure it matches what i believe. usually it does, but i slip sometimes. sometimes i'm just a mean person. i'm sorrry.
i'm really sorry. i'm sorry i can't be perfect and cheery all the time. and that i get really mean and just, stupid. i don't mean to. this isn't me being sarcastic. it seems like atleast one day of a week i get kinda sad like this. it sucks. i really am a cheerful person. but then just, some people say something, and it gets to me. or i just, i'm just too much of a perfectionest, when it comes to my personality. i want to be perfect. but i'm not, and God doesn't expect me to... i just expect me to. and i feel like others expect me to as well. and i'm so angry at how i can't change from what i'm so used to. i'm so used to being able to mess around with guys, (not in a dirty way, but in a flirty way)... i really really want to be a good girlperson.. but its going to take some time. dang it.
ANYWAY. haha enough of the emo
i've been working at the SL antique mall a lot lately... but its nice, becuase i don't do much... and get paid a lot... but it does get quite lonely when its sooo slow. so you guys should stop by tomorrow..
anyway
i'm feeling a bet better now about the above.. after ranting and whatnot.
i'm just really hoping that i can hang out with him this week and just, make sure things are alright.
my grandma's taking me shopping monday... i'm kinda really excited, i havn't gone shopping since like, a few weeks, maybe even months!
sorry about all that guys. i'm ok now, but still want to get it all out!
Have you ever had those friends, that just bring out the worst in you? and after hanging out with them, you feel like just a horrible person.
Not because of like, illegal activities or peer pressure or anything like that. I'm talking about the like, way you act around them. i hate it. im kinda mad at myself right now,. just becuase i always go back to this, violent, immature side of me whenever i'm with these people, specially combined. andi just hate it. i want to be different. i want to be awesome. but its soo hard. so hard. and just like christina said.. i ave such a target on my back. everyones watching my every move. making sure it matches what i believe. usually it does, but i slip sometimes. sometimes i'm just a mean person. i'm sorrry.
i'm really sorry. i'm sorry i can't be perfect and cheery all the time. and that i get really mean and just, stupid. i don't mean to. this isn't me being sarcastic. it seems like atleast one day of a week i get kinda sad like this. it sucks. i really am a cheerful person. but then just, some people say something, and it gets to me. or i just, i'm just too much of a perfectionest, when it comes to my personality. i want to be perfect. but i'm not, and God doesn't expect me to... i just expect me to. and i feel like others expect me to as well. and i'm so angry at how i can't change from what i'm so used to. i'm so used to being able to mess around with guys, (not in a dirty way, but in a flirty way)... i really really want to be a good girlperson.. but its going to take some time. dang it.
ANYWAY. haha enough of the emo
i've been working at the SL antique mall a lot lately... but its nice, becuase i don't do much... and get paid a lot... but it does get quite lonely when its sooo slow. so you guys should stop by tomorrow..
anyway
i'm feeling a bet better now about the above.. after ranting and whatnot.
i'm just really hoping that i can hang out with him this week and just, make sure things are alright.
my grandma's taking me shopping monday... i'm kinda really excited, i havn't gone shopping since like, a few weeks, maybe even months!
sorry about all that guys. i'm ok now, but still want to get it all out!