Wow.. God is Awesome.
I am TOTALLY amazed right now.. I prayed last night.. after I read that book.. I said, "God, help me. Help me to overcome this depression. Let me fill myself with you instead of the darkness that seems to grasp my heart. I want so badly to be happy again. Please Lord, I know I have asked you before to help me find a church & I know I probably failed on my part when I didn't find one, but could you maybe send me another sign of where to go? You know I love music so I was hoping to find a church that is like the one you blessed us with in MN, but those seem far and few between here. Catholicism just isn't for me, it seems as if the people judge you before they even get to know you, I want to be welcomed with open arms, even if I am a sinner." I kept going, which was weird.."I know I've ignored you for awhile.. I haven't been to happy about my life & I've taken it out on you, I've blamed you. & even though I know it's part of your plan & I don't understand it, please help me to trust it, because I'm having trouble with that. And please, help me to overcome the emptiness of not having a child to share with Kevin. At times I know I may sound selfish, jealous & angry at other women just because they have the miracle you have bestowed upon them. Open my heart Lord, if you blessed me with a child I would teach him/her your ways, show him/her your ways & always cherish the them, but if it is not right for me Lord then show me the path I am supposed to take, show me where to go because as a young woman with little wisdom of what to do with her own life, I need some guidance here as well. Please Lord help me to understand, help me to become less angry & help me to be more patient in waiting for your answers."
So today at work. A young man came in to pick up a section of his forgotton Bible (on CD) and I asked him, "Are you a pastor?" --well THAT was probably out of left field a little bit, but owell, the question burned in my head right when he asked for the little booklet of CDs. He said no, but asked why? I told him, that we had moved here about a year ago & I had been looking for a church & then proceeded to ask him what denomination he was -as I was raised Catholic, have been to a Luthern Church & am now in the middle of both of those.. (Evangelistic/Baptist/Presbytierian).. He said Baptist! -- He asked me what I was and I said, well I was looking for something New Age-E/B/P.. That I was previously Catholic & couldn't handle the Luthern stance on things & that is why I had asked.. Then he told me where to go, it was a place he'd been to, but didn't attend regularily because he lived farther away and went to a 'sister' church. I was a little taken aback when he talked about the family orientated stuff.. but I remember my book.. In one of the stories a woman talkes about how two is enough.. God created Adam & Eve and they were a family.. so when it comes time to face that I will try to handle it with dignity and composure.. As long as God is there to help me with it.. Maybe I can do it.. But anyway, I am so excited about this, I cannot wait to tell Kevin. <3 :)
So today at work. A young man came in to pick up a section of his forgotton Bible (on CD) and I asked him, "Are you a pastor?" --well THAT was probably out of left field a little bit, but owell, the question burned in my head right when he asked for the little booklet of CDs. He said no, but asked why? I told him, that we had moved here about a year ago & I had been looking for a church & then proceeded to ask him what denomination he was -as I was raised Catholic, have been to a Luthern Church & am now in the middle of both of those.. (Evangelistic/Baptist/Presbytierian).. He said Baptist! -- He asked me what I was and I said, well I was looking for something New Age-E/B/P.. That I was previously Catholic & couldn't handle the Luthern stance on things & that is why I had asked.. Then he told me where to go, it was a place he'd been to, but didn't attend regularily because he lived farther away and went to a 'sister' church. I was a little taken aback when he talked about the family orientated stuff.. but I remember my book.. In one of the stories a woman talkes about how two is enough.. God created Adam & Eve and they were a family.. so when it comes time to face that I will try to handle it with dignity and composure.. As long as God is there to help me with it.. Maybe I can do it.. But anyway, I am so excited about this, I cannot wait to tell Kevin. <3 :)