::fifty one::
Have you ever felt like you wanted to rip out of your skin? You didn't want to be you anymore? you wanted even for a moment, to be someone else? Or have you just thought you were someone else to make you feel better because reality wasn't in your favor? I was so engaged in the book Twilight (btw i finished in under 10 hours) and Stephanie Meyer did an excellent job making Bella's thoughts, my thoughts and her feelings, my feelings. As far as I knew, for ten hours, i WAS Bella Swan and I was so "unconditionally and irrevocably in love" with Edward Cullen, the handsome, essence of perfection in a man. So for the time I was reading the book and imagining myself with a man like Edward, i wanted to rip my skin off and be someone else. Someone who was happy in their own skin and who felt that immense love for someone else.
But Edward does not exist. Only in books and on the movie screen, and my imagination. There is no Edward out there for me. He is perfection. and perfection does not exist in reality.