The Satellite Series (PG) | Ten & Nic | 11/12
Title : The Grieving Process
Author : Jen
Rating : PG
Characters : Ten & Nic
Spoilers : references Second Chance and the Satellite Series so far. For the Doctor this is set after "Waters on Mars".
Summary : the Doctor turns up to mourn the loss of his best friend
~~
He stood back, watching from a distance. It would almost have been called respectful if it weren't for the fact that he knew he probably wouldn't be welcome. Only a few years ago he'd stood in this same spot, watching another funeral... Only this was different. This was Sarah's funeral. His Sarah.
"Beautiful day for it," came a voice from behind him.
He half turned, glancing at the woman who'd walked over to him.
"I thought you'd be over there."
"Don't think I'd be welcome."
"You were her friend."
"Yeah, and I..." he began, trailing off.
"It wasn't your fault. You and I knew the... reset had its limitations. The Trickster sought to abuse that, you just did what was best for her and her family."
The Doctor turned and stared at her. "You're her."
"Yes," she smiled. "But you knew that already."
"Why?" he asked.
"All the questions you have and that's the one you start with?" she teased, her eyes sparkling. "Ask me another and you'll still get your answer."
"OK, how? That kind of time manipulation is old school. To be able to do it..."
"Easy when you know how," she replied dismissively.
"But how? Those secrets were lost..."
"Everything that was lost can be found again," the woman said, turning to face the gathered mourners. "You just have to know where to look."
"Or when."
"Or when," she agreed, the corner of her mouth that he could see curling up into a smile.
"But how...?"
"You should be over there."
"You're avoiding the subject," he said.
"Sarah was your friend. Your best friend. All those companions, all those people that you travelled with... and it's Sarah who your thoughts go back to. It's her you talk about. Now that's probably because some of the others, well, that's too painful. Even if Rose is happy, it's not really you she's with. And Donna? Do you still think about her? Tempted to go back?"
"Who are you?" he asked again, his voice clipped.
"And here you are, standing in the shadows at her funeral because you can't bring yourself to walk over there. The Doctor. Running scared. And not just from Nicole, the girl you brought into the world. Surprised Sarah didn't ask you to be godfather. Sure she'd have asked Harry if he were around, but then I guess he is in a way. Even I didn't see that coming, but then again, I only gave her Peter. You gave her a family.
"The Time Lord Victorious," she quoted, echoing his recent words back to him. "I think this counts as a win. And you deserve a win."
"Who are you?" he asked again.
She turned to face him, her lips curling into a knowing smile and immediately he saw it, knowing it before she said her one word reply.
"Spoilers."
"But..." he began, putting it all in place. The eyes, the curl of the dark blonde hair. "How..." The woman stood in front of him was so similar to River that he almost kicked himself for not seeing it before.
"Spoilers," she repeated, winking at him. "The stories she told of you... I grew up with them."
"You're related?" he said, his tone that of a question but he knew it was a yes.
She said nothing more, only turned on her heel and walked away; he watched her until one word froze him to the spot.
"Doctor?"
He hesitated before turning around - he had hoped to be able to slip away without being seen. She was her mother's daughter alright.
"Nicole," he said carefully, eyeing her in case she went for him again.
"I'll be good, promise," she smiled, one hand resting protectively on her stomach.
"I was just going."
"No, please," she said quickly, shocking them both a little. "Stay. Please. It's funny, but I... I actually hoped you'd come. Just wasn't really expecting..." She gestured him up and down. "Wasn't expecting you."
"What?"
"Well that's how it works isn't it? Same you but new face?"
The Doctor blinked, his brow creasing in confusion.
"Sorry. Spoiler. Mum said if a man in a bow tie turned up then I should play nice. You're the only one she'd tell me to play nice with. I just thought..."
"A bow tie?" the Doctor asked, his nose wrinkling in disgust.
"Hey, some of us like them!" she protested. "I think they're cool."
"Since when have bow ties been cool?"
Nicole folded her arms, resting them on the soft curve of her expanding baby belly. "I like them. Made Scott wear one for the wedding. Mum admitted that they... they worked but if Dad had been there..."
Talking about her parents finally got to her, and she threw a glance over her shoulder towards the graves. A few years ago she'd stood almost on this very spot with her brother and said a final goodbye to their father. Now she was stood here with the same Time Lord but her parents were conspicuously absent.
"I'm sorry," he said eventually. "I wish..."
"It's fine," Nicole said quickly, moving closer to him. "Really. I mean, it hurts like hell and I'm going to miss her so, so much... But it's... I..."
She stopped as she locked eyes with the Doctor. When she'd met him before, and all the times her mother had talked about him, not once had there been anything about him crying. But now those deep eyes were filling up.
"It was a good death," Nicole said, saying the word for the first time. "Well, as they go that is. The Universe was going to balance out but she took my place. Because she died I'm still here."
"That's good," the Doctor said - a second later his face broke into a grin. "That's so Sarah."
"Yeah, it is," Nicole laughed gently. "My stubborn Mum. Always doing things her way."
"Always doing the right thing," he added, "even if the consequences... because it was the right thing to do."
"I'm glad you're here," Nic said. "Wouldn't have been right without you."
"I tried to get here earlier but the TARDIS wouldn't let me."
"But you were," Nicole said without thinking.
"What?"
"Oh hell," she breathed. "Look, I know it's all about spoilers and the new you but...
Mum had something with her, something only you could have given her."
The Doctor's breath hitched in his chest and he nodded.
"I mean it, Doctor. You and Mum... You two were OK, I know you were. She had a photo and only you could have given it to her. And when I came here to see Dad after... there were flowers on his grave. Flowers from a John Smith, saying he was sorry? You were there, Doctor. You were there, with Mum. And I know you two were friends. I know it."
The Doctor took a deep breath, fighting back the tears. Nicole's story gave him hope that his best friend hadn't gone to her grave hating him.
"And you know what? It actually helps. Knowing that you're going to see her again. It's like she's not gone completely. Not really."
"She's not gone," the Doctor said, fixing his eyes on hers. "Not while you're around and your baby."
"I am her," Nicole muttered. "Hope my kids won't be this stubborn!"
"They probably will," he laughed. "I'll check in every so often, just to keep my eye on them."
"I can't get my head around this," Nic continued, "I mean, there's going to be this other you in the future..."
"With a bow tie," he said.
"...but here you are, now. This you. The only you I've ever known. Mum, on the other hand, she... How many?"
"Too many to count," he laughed gently.
"She resets time, you know but don't say anything because... She had me because of you," she added, nodding in his direction. "All this happened because of you. Sorry, that came out wrong. I mean... She resets time, and you get involved because she wants a baby..."
"If I'd known..."
"You mean you didn't?" she laughed softly.
"If I had..." he began.
"Then I wouldn't be here," Nicole said. "I get it, I do. She meant a lot to you."
"You meant a lot to her."
"Yeah, I know," she sighed "My Dad dies to save the world, Mum dies to save me. If they were both here I'd kill them."
For a moment they both smiled at the image before Nicole burst into tears. The Doctor hesitated for a moment but then it was like he was looking at Sarah and his hearts couldn't
ake it. He pulled her into his arms, holding her against his chest.
"'s weird," she muttered as the tears subsided.
"What?"
"The heartbeats. Mum talked about it but..."
"She talked about it?"
"She talked about you a lot. Especially after Dad... After he died. She was mad at you, we both were, but once she got talking about you I could see everything just falling away. She forgave you." Nicole pulled back to look up at him. "We both did."
She was still close enough to the Doctor for him to feel when the baby moved.
"Here," she said, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her belly. "It never gets old."
"I can imagine," he smiled, feeling the baby turn. "That's amazing."
"Not like this for you? Time Lords I mean?"
"Not quite," he smiled.
"He's been really good today. Gentle stuff. Normally it's an elbow or foot in my bladder."
"He?" the Doctor asked, putting a hand on Nic's elbow and gesturing they should sit.
"Yeah. Calling him Peter."
"That's fantastic."
"Is it weird?" she asked. "Calling my son after Dad?"
"I think it's lovely. He'd be honoured, Nicole Dal..." He stopped. "Um..."
"Still Dalton," she said firmly. "It's Dad's name. It was Mum's. I know she was Smith to you, before, but to me... She was fantastic. I mean, that's not just me saying that as her daughter, she really was fantastic. She changes time, she has a life against all odds... All those miscarriages and she still decides to go through with it for me."
"Your mother was..."
"Stubborn?" Nicole laughed. "Between her and the flame-haired Scot..."
"Who?" he asked.
"Some girl Mum met at the hospital. She'd just found out about me, and after all the miscarriages she was scared... This girl talked to her and then Mum decided to just see the pregnancy through no matter what."
"That's something else your mum had in spades."
"What?"
"Courage."
"Hope I've got half that."
"You, Nicole Dalton, are the combination of your parents. Brave, head-strong and heart-strong."
"Scott says I got Dad's eyes but I also got Mum's heart."
"I think he's right."
Nicole leant over, resting her head on the Doctor's shoulder. This intimacy was new for them but it felt right. It felt like something she could share with her mum. "We're gonna have two girls after. Mum had the picture you gave her. A photo. Me, Scott, three kids."
"Right."
"Is it weird I want to call the first girl Sarah? Naming two of my kids after my parents?"
The Doctor put his arm around Nic's shoulders. "Your parents were wonderful people. I can't think of anything better. What about the other girl?"
"Dunno. Trying to think about names for a baby I'm having after the one I'll have after having this one? Scott thinks I'm insane."
"You're just your mother's daughter. Prepared."
"I want it to mean something. It has to mean something. Peter, Sarah... It has to..."
"What was the name of the Scot?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh, um... Amelia I think."
"Now that's a great name!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah. Amelia."
"You'll be a great mum."
"Hope so."
"You are your mother, Nicole. Remember?"
"I miss her," Nic whispered. "Her and Dad... the two greatest people I have ever known and they just... slipped away quietly for me. For their family."
The Doctor pressed his cheek against the top of Nicole's head and breathed in deeply. "I can't think of anything more amazing. Or more them."
Neither of them said anything further, just sat quietly in the summer evening.
Author : Jen
Rating : PG
Characters : Ten & Nic
Spoilers : references Second Chance and the Satellite Series so far. For the Doctor this is set after "Waters on Mars".
Summary : the Doctor turns up to mourn the loss of his best friend
~~
He stood back, watching from a distance. It would almost have been called respectful if it weren't for the fact that he knew he probably wouldn't be welcome. Only a few years ago he'd stood in this same spot, watching another funeral... Only this was different. This was Sarah's funeral. His Sarah.
"Beautiful day for it," came a voice from behind him.
He half turned, glancing at the woman who'd walked over to him.
"I thought you'd be over there."
"Don't think I'd be welcome."
"You were her friend."
"Yeah, and I..." he began, trailing off.
"It wasn't your fault. You and I knew the... reset had its limitations. The Trickster sought to abuse that, you just did what was best for her and her family."
The Doctor turned and stared at her. "You're her."
"Yes," she smiled. "But you knew that already."
"Why?" he asked.
"All the questions you have and that's the one you start with?" she teased, her eyes sparkling. "Ask me another and you'll still get your answer."
"OK, how? That kind of time manipulation is old school. To be able to do it..."
"Easy when you know how," she replied dismissively.
"But how? Those secrets were lost..."
"Everything that was lost can be found again," the woman said, turning to face the gathered mourners. "You just have to know where to look."
"Or when."
"Or when," she agreed, the corner of her mouth that he could see curling up into a smile.
"But how...?"
"You should be over there."
"You're avoiding the subject," he said.
"Sarah was your friend. Your best friend. All those companions, all those people that you travelled with... and it's Sarah who your thoughts go back to. It's her you talk about. Now that's probably because some of the others, well, that's too painful. Even if Rose is happy, it's not really you she's with. And Donna? Do you still think about her? Tempted to go back?"
"Who are you?" he asked again, his voice clipped.
"And here you are, standing in the shadows at her funeral because you can't bring yourself to walk over there. The Doctor. Running scared. And not just from Nicole, the girl you brought into the world. Surprised Sarah didn't ask you to be godfather. Sure she'd have asked Harry if he were around, but then I guess he is in a way. Even I didn't see that coming, but then again, I only gave her Peter. You gave her a family.
"The Time Lord Victorious," she quoted, echoing his recent words back to him. "I think this counts as a win. And you deserve a win."
"Who are you?" he asked again.
She turned to face him, her lips curling into a knowing smile and immediately he saw it, knowing it before she said her one word reply.
"Spoilers."
"But..." he began, putting it all in place. The eyes, the curl of the dark blonde hair. "How..." The woman stood in front of him was so similar to River that he almost kicked himself for not seeing it before.
"Spoilers," she repeated, winking at him. "The stories she told of you... I grew up with them."
"You're related?" he said, his tone that of a question but he knew it was a yes.
She said nothing more, only turned on her heel and walked away; he watched her until one word froze him to the spot.
"Doctor?"
He hesitated before turning around - he had hoped to be able to slip away without being seen. She was her mother's daughter alright.
"Nicole," he said carefully, eyeing her in case she went for him again.
"I'll be good, promise," she smiled, one hand resting protectively on her stomach.
"I was just going."
"No, please," she said quickly, shocking them both a little. "Stay. Please. It's funny, but I... I actually hoped you'd come. Just wasn't really expecting..." She gestured him up and down. "Wasn't expecting you."
"What?"
"Well that's how it works isn't it? Same you but new face?"
The Doctor blinked, his brow creasing in confusion.
"Sorry. Spoiler. Mum said if a man in a bow tie turned up then I should play nice. You're the only one she'd tell me to play nice with. I just thought..."
"A bow tie?" the Doctor asked, his nose wrinkling in disgust.
"Hey, some of us like them!" she protested. "I think they're cool."
"Since when have bow ties been cool?"
Nicole folded her arms, resting them on the soft curve of her expanding baby belly. "I like them. Made Scott wear one for the wedding. Mum admitted that they... they worked but if Dad had been there..."
Talking about her parents finally got to her, and she threw a glance over her shoulder towards the graves. A few years ago she'd stood almost on this very spot with her brother and said a final goodbye to their father. Now she was stood here with the same Time Lord but her parents were conspicuously absent.
"I'm sorry," he said eventually. "I wish..."
"It's fine," Nicole said quickly, moving closer to him. "Really. I mean, it hurts like hell and I'm going to miss her so, so much... But it's... I..."
She stopped as she locked eyes with the Doctor. When she'd met him before, and all the times her mother had talked about him, not once had there been anything about him crying. But now those deep eyes were filling up.
"It was a good death," Nicole said, saying the word for the first time. "Well, as they go that is. The Universe was going to balance out but she took my place. Because she died I'm still here."
"That's good," the Doctor said - a second later his face broke into a grin. "That's so Sarah."
"Yeah, it is," Nicole laughed gently. "My stubborn Mum. Always doing things her way."
"Always doing the right thing," he added, "even if the consequences... because it was the right thing to do."
"I'm glad you're here," Nic said. "Wouldn't have been right without you."
"I tried to get here earlier but the TARDIS wouldn't let me."
"But you were," Nicole said without thinking.
"What?"
"Oh hell," she breathed. "Look, I know it's all about spoilers and the new you but...
Mum had something with her, something only you could have given her."
The Doctor's breath hitched in his chest and he nodded.
"I mean it, Doctor. You and Mum... You two were OK, I know you were. She had a photo and only you could have given it to her. And when I came here to see Dad after... there were flowers on his grave. Flowers from a John Smith, saying he was sorry? You were there, Doctor. You were there, with Mum. And I know you two were friends. I know it."
The Doctor took a deep breath, fighting back the tears. Nicole's story gave him hope that his best friend hadn't gone to her grave hating him.
"And you know what? It actually helps. Knowing that you're going to see her again. It's like she's not gone completely. Not really."
"She's not gone," the Doctor said, fixing his eyes on hers. "Not while you're around and your baby."
"I am her," Nicole muttered. "Hope my kids won't be this stubborn!"
"They probably will," he laughed. "I'll check in every so often, just to keep my eye on them."
"I can't get my head around this," Nic continued, "I mean, there's going to be this other you in the future..."
"With a bow tie," he said.
"...but here you are, now. This you. The only you I've ever known. Mum, on the other hand, she... How many?"
"Too many to count," he laughed gently.
"She resets time, you know but don't say anything because... She had me because of you," she added, nodding in his direction. "All this happened because of you. Sorry, that came out wrong. I mean... She resets time, and you get involved because she wants a baby..."
"If I'd known..."
"You mean you didn't?" she laughed softly.
"If I had..." he began.
"Then I wouldn't be here," Nicole said. "I get it, I do. She meant a lot to you."
"You meant a lot to her."
"Yeah, I know," she sighed "My Dad dies to save the world, Mum dies to save me. If they were both here I'd kill them."
For a moment they both smiled at the image before Nicole burst into tears. The Doctor hesitated for a moment but then it was like he was looking at Sarah and his hearts couldn't
ake it. He pulled her into his arms, holding her against his chest.
"'s weird," she muttered as the tears subsided.
"What?"
"The heartbeats. Mum talked about it but..."
"She talked about it?"
"She talked about you a lot. Especially after Dad... After he died. She was mad at you, we both were, but once she got talking about you I could see everything just falling away. She forgave you." Nicole pulled back to look up at him. "We both did."
She was still close enough to the Doctor for him to feel when the baby moved.
"Here," she said, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her belly. "It never gets old."
"I can imagine," he smiled, feeling the baby turn. "That's amazing."
"Not like this for you? Time Lords I mean?"
"Not quite," he smiled.
"He's been really good today. Gentle stuff. Normally it's an elbow or foot in my bladder."
"He?" the Doctor asked, putting a hand on Nic's elbow and gesturing they should sit.
"Yeah. Calling him Peter."
"That's fantastic."
"Is it weird?" she asked. "Calling my son after Dad?"
"I think it's lovely. He'd be honoured, Nicole Dal..." He stopped. "Um..."
"Still Dalton," she said firmly. "It's Dad's name. It was Mum's. I know she was Smith to you, before, but to me... She was fantastic. I mean, that's not just me saying that as her daughter, she really was fantastic. She changes time, she has a life against all odds... All those miscarriages and she still decides to go through with it for me."
"Your mother was..."
"Stubborn?" Nicole laughed. "Between her and the flame-haired Scot..."
"Who?" he asked.
"Some girl Mum met at the hospital. She'd just found out about me, and after all the miscarriages she was scared... This girl talked to her and then Mum decided to just see the pregnancy through no matter what."
"That's something else your mum had in spades."
"What?"
"Courage."
"Hope I've got half that."
"You, Nicole Dalton, are the combination of your parents. Brave, head-strong and heart-strong."
"Scott says I got Dad's eyes but I also got Mum's heart."
"I think he's right."
Nicole leant over, resting her head on the Doctor's shoulder. This intimacy was new for them but it felt right. It felt like something she could share with her mum. "We're gonna have two girls after. Mum had the picture you gave her. A photo. Me, Scott, three kids."
"Right."
"Is it weird I want to call the first girl Sarah? Naming two of my kids after my parents?"
The Doctor put his arm around Nic's shoulders. "Your parents were wonderful people. I can't think of anything better. What about the other girl?"
"Dunno. Trying to think about names for a baby I'm having after the one I'll have after having this one? Scott thinks I'm insane."
"You're just your mother's daughter. Prepared."
"I want it to mean something. It has to mean something. Peter, Sarah... It has to..."
"What was the name of the Scot?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh, um... Amelia I think."
"Now that's a great name!" he exclaimed.
"Yeah. Amelia."
"You'll be a great mum."
"Hope so."
"You are your mother, Nicole. Remember?"
"I miss her," Nic whispered. "Her and Dad... the two greatest people I have ever known and they just... slipped away quietly for me. For their family."
The Doctor pressed his cheek against the top of Nicole's head and breathed in deeply. "I can't think of anything more amazing. Or more them."
Neither of them said anything further, just sat quietly in the summer evening.