These Little Things (Alan/Chrissie)
Title: These Little Things
Author: MinervaFan
Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures
Rating: PG
Pairing: Alan/Chrissie
Word Count: 1,838 words
Warning: Mild SPOILERS through the end of Series One
Summary: Sometimes it just takes the end of the world to get people's attention.
A/N: Because I am starting to love Chrissie, and no one else in the world seems to give her a break.
He was on the couch when she came down. Chrissie Jackson knew she should be getting back to her flat, but something kept her still, kept her from grabbing the keys to her car and hauling arse out of that creepy neighborhood Alan had moved himself and Maria into.
"She's asleep, finally," she murmured to Alan, easing on to the couch next to him. All she got in response was a dull nod, empty eyes. Shock, if the emergency first aid course she'd taken last month was to believed. Chrissie was always scheduling courses, trying to improve herself. She wished there was a course to take in dealing with teenage daughters and neurotic ex-husbands. "You want some tea, then?"
"Don't you have to leave?"
"If that was a hint," she said, a little too brightly. "You need to work on your subtlety."
He grinned at her, apologetic. Chrissie could feel herself lightening. She hated when he got this way, all distant and internal and difficult. They might not be married anymore, but she still cared for him in her own way. And nothing she could imagine was worse than watching him like this-brooding and dark.
"No," he said quietly. "Stay as long as you like."
"As a matter of fact, if you don't mind, I'd like to spend the night over." At his protesting look, she added quickly, "Don't get any ideas; my daughter has just had a terrible fright and…"
"We've all had a terrible fright," her ex-husband mumbled.
"Hey." Chrissie touched his shoulder, nudging him slightly for a reaction. When she got none, she pushed a little harder. "Hey, you. Earth to Alan?"
"Sorry. Rough day."
Chrissie leaned back into the cushions, watching him suspiciously. Alan had his moments, and weird though they could be, they rarely worried her. This was different, though. This was kinda scary. "Hey, now. What's gotten into you?"
"Were you there?" he asked.
"Yeah," she whispered. "I was there. A big hunk of rock from outer space almost smashed into Mary Jane's garden a couple of days ago. And, oh yeah, the moon practically destroyed the Earth tonight."
"Not enough for you?"
She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head. "A few weeks back, the sun turned blue. Before that, pop-guzzling zombies tried to take over the world. None of that bothered you a bit." She shrugged. "Think we should find religion?"
"Am I a bad father?" Alan asked softly. He didn't look at her, didn't make eye contact, but the words hit her as if he'd shook her hard.
"Don't be stupid," she laughed, but it just didn't seem all that funny to her. Something was different here, something with Alan, and something with Maria. "You're a fantastic father, everybody knows that. Maria adores you."
He let out a heavy sigh, but continued speaking as if she weren't there. "I keep looking around me. It's like I'm waking up from a dream, you know? When I went to bed, I was married, happy, had a beautiful daughter who looked up to me, a good job I liked. The world was safe and normal and predictable." He finally looked at her, and the sadness in his eyes almost broke Chrissie's heart. "Then I woke up, and here I am."
She gave him a sympathetic look, letting a softness show in her face that she usually tried to hide around him. It did no good to encourage him, even though he was the one who left her. Still, in moments like these, "We don't need to start this conversation right now, do we, Alan? Is either one of us up to it?"
His smile surprised her. "I'm not talking about us, Chrissie. Not about the divorce, anyway. I'm just…" He struggled for words. "I guess it's pop drinking zombies and blue suns and Gorgons and-"
'Gorgons? Like in that awful movie you showed me with the bad special effects?"
"Gorgons, like in…never mind. It doesn't matter," he said tiredly. "I wasn't picking a fight; I was just asking a question. Am I a clueless git? Am I oblivious? What goes on in this world while I just putter through, stuck in my computers and thoughts and happy illusions of normalcy?"
"Yes, you are a clueless git, and yes, you are oblivious, and you know what? If you're going to be morbid, I'm going to need a drink. You got anything stronger than tea in this place?"
To his credit, he chuckled softly. "I have a bottle of bourbon in the cupboard. Haven't touched it since we moved in. Shall we get stupid drunk and pretend this day never happened?"
She laughed, too, and was happy for the break in the mood. "Maybe we should keep our wits about us, eh?" She leaned in to him, butting his shoulder slightly. "Come on, now. What's with the gloom? Catastrophe averted, again, everything's back to good, right?"
"How long were you miserable before you cheated on me?"
Chrissie blinked hard at his bluntness. She said nothing, considering the question, then blinked hard again. "Excuse me?"
"Nothing exists in a vacuum, Chrissie," he said, turning to face her. "How long were you miserable before you cheated on me?"
She lowered her eyes, suddenly very interested in the upholstery on the couch. "I dunno, really. That doesn't matter now, does it? We're done, we've moved on. Maria's getting settled…"
"I spent my life staring into a computer. I worked like a dog, and when I came home, I didn't even see my wife and daughter." He looked up at her, like he was seeing her-like he was seeing the world for the first time. "Chrissie, the world is so much bigger than we ever thought," he whispered.
"So…" She sighed, reaching out for his shoulder. It was a good shoulder. She used to love that shoulder, she thought absently. "I take it Mary Jane has her son back."
"This isn't about Sarah Jane…."
"You were there, she had the kid back. So she's not a kidnapper, you're saying?"
"No. No, she's not. Government thing, kidnapping ring, hush-hush. I don't know all the details, but I know it was all necessary."
"Yeah, well, she's still dangerous. Weird things happen when she's around."
"You said a mouthful," Alan murmured, then smiled. "But great things, too."
Chrissie nodded, finally getting the hint. Her heart felt kind of kicked, though, and she had to struggle to keep the bitterness out of her voice. They were both too tired and shell-shocked to fight, and her affair with Ivan really didn't give her much moral high ground to stand on. "So, it's official then? You and Sarah Jane?"
"What about me and Sarah Jane?"
Again, she had to struggle to keep her tone non-confrontational. A day ago, this would have been a screaming row. But today was not yesterday, and Chrissie had had her eyes opened, too. "I guess I can get used to it. But she's never gonna be Maria's mum, okay? Maria's got a mum-me. I'm not some hush-hush government Mata Hari, and I don't stop kidnappers, and maybe my jeans don't fit me quite so snug, but I'm still her mum, and she won't take over just because you're together now."
Alan's blank stare and look of surprise was quite possibly the most welcome sight Chrissie had ever seen. "Together?" He blinked, then laughed. "Me and Sarah Jane?" He laughed again, harder this time. "Oh, god, I'm sorry Chrissie, but…me and Sarah Jane?"
Chrissie had to chuckle herself. "Come on, it's not so far removed from reality. She's mysterious and beautiful and has this important glamorous life…"
Alan took her hands in his, a grin brightening his face. "Listen, I've already got more difficult, complicated, challenging, and amazing women in my life than any bloke can stand. You and Maria keep me on my toes; I'm certainly not going to add that one across the way to the mix." On impulse, he kissed her right palm. "I'm not interested in her in that way, you know. Sarah Jane is all those things you mentioned, but she's also emotionally crippled, frosty, and a bit bossy when it all comes down to things. Besides, my heart hasn't quite recovered from the last amazing woman I came into contact with…."
"Stop it," she whispered, kissing his hand. "Stop it, because I'm already feeling like shit, and you being nice doesn't help."
"You have no reason to feel like shit," he said. "You did what you needed to do to survive. I was never there, not physically, not emotionally. You were practically raising Maria alone."
"Maria adores you."
"You sacrificed everything-your dreams, your education, your plans-to be my wife, to be Maria's mum. And I repaid you by being distant, a workaholic, cynical and emotionally unavailable." He gave her a sad half-smile. "No wonder you found it somewhere else."
"When the moon was crashing into the world, when all hell was breaking loose, I wasn't thinking about my dreams or my education or yoga classes or Ivan." She stared at him fiercely, unwilling or unable to keep it in. "I thought about you. I thought about Maria. I thought about my family and my home and how it shouldn't be ending this way, with us apart. Every time the world starts to end, I don't run to Ivan, Alan. I run to you. I run to Maria."
"We're your family."
"You're my family," she agreed.
They sat there together, quietly soaking in this moment, quietly acknowledging that something had shifted there. Neither had the words to go further, but neither had the stomach to backwards, either.
The zombies had walked, and the sun had turned blue, and the meteor nearly crashed and the moon had spiraled down, and there was no coming back from what they'd seen, from what the universe had decided to clue them in on.
"The world is much bigger than we ever thought it was, Chrissie." He kissed her hand again, knowing they would not go any further tonight, knowing they were both still in too much shock to do more than just be there for each other tonight. "But that's why the gods invented families. To hold it together when the sun turns blue and the moon comes hurtling towards us."
She grinned at him, liking this deep Alan, this profound Alan, this aware Alan quite a bit. It wasn't a reconciliation, really. Just…a reconnection. "You need to spend less time with that Clara Jane, you know. You're weirder than ever now." She kissed his cheek, pushing him off the couch. "Now get off my bed. I'm going to sleep."
Alan chuckled too, but went to the cupboard to get her a blanket and an extra pillow. "You sure you don't want to sleep in the bed?"
"Naughty?"
"Considerate." But he accepted her no graciously, and kissed her again before shutting out the lights. "Good night, Chrissie."
"Good night, love."
The End
Author: MinervaFan
Fandom: The Sarah Jane Adventures
Rating: PG
Pairing: Alan/Chrissie
Word Count: 1,838 words
Warning: Mild SPOILERS through the end of Series One
Summary: Sometimes it just takes the end of the world to get people's attention.
A/N: Because I am starting to love Chrissie, and no one else in the world seems to give her a break.
He was on the couch when she came down. Chrissie Jackson knew she should be getting back to her flat, but something kept her still, kept her from grabbing the keys to her car and hauling arse out of that creepy neighborhood Alan had moved himself and Maria into.
"She's asleep, finally," she murmured to Alan, easing on to the couch next to him. All she got in response was a dull nod, empty eyes. Shock, if the emergency first aid course she'd taken last month was to believed. Chrissie was always scheduling courses, trying to improve herself. She wished there was a course to take in dealing with teenage daughters and neurotic ex-husbands. "You want some tea, then?"
"Don't you have to leave?"
"If that was a hint," she said, a little too brightly. "You need to work on your subtlety."
He grinned at her, apologetic. Chrissie could feel herself lightening. She hated when he got this way, all distant and internal and difficult. They might not be married anymore, but she still cared for him in her own way. And nothing she could imagine was worse than watching him like this-brooding and dark.
"No," he said quietly. "Stay as long as you like."
"As a matter of fact, if you don't mind, I'd like to spend the night over." At his protesting look, she added quickly, "Don't get any ideas; my daughter has just had a terrible fright and…"
"We've all had a terrible fright," her ex-husband mumbled.
"Hey." Chrissie touched his shoulder, nudging him slightly for a reaction. When she got none, she pushed a little harder. "Hey, you. Earth to Alan?"
"Sorry. Rough day."
Chrissie leaned back into the cushions, watching him suspiciously. Alan had his moments, and weird though they could be, they rarely worried her. This was different, though. This was kinda scary. "Hey, now. What's gotten into you?"
"Were you there?" he asked.
"Yeah," she whispered. "I was there. A big hunk of rock from outer space almost smashed into Mary Jane's garden a couple of days ago. And, oh yeah, the moon practically destroyed the Earth tonight."
"Not enough for you?"
She stared at him for a moment, then shook her head. "A few weeks back, the sun turned blue. Before that, pop-guzzling zombies tried to take over the world. None of that bothered you a bit." She shrugged. "Think we should find religion?"
"Am I a bad father?" Alan asked softly. He didn't look at her, didn't make eye contact, but the words hit her as if he'd shook her hard.
"Don't be stupid," she laughed, but it just didn't seem all that funny to her. Something was different here, something with Alan, and something with Maria. "You're a fantastic father, everybody knows that. Maria adores you."
He let out a heavy sigh, but continued speaking as if she weren't there. "I keep looking around me. It's like I'm waking up from a dream, you know? When I went to bed, I was married, happy, had a beautiful daughter who looked up to me, a good job I liked. The world was safe and normal and predictable." He finally looked at her, and the sadness in his eyes almost broke Chrissie's heart. "Then I woke up, and here I am."
She gave him a sympathetic look, letting a softness show in her face that she usually tried to hide around him. It did no good to encourage him, even though he was the one who left her. Still, in moments like these, "We don't need to start this conversation right now, do we, Alan? Is either one of us up to it?"
His smile surprised her. "I'm not talking about us, Chrissie. Not about the divorce, anyway. I'm just…" He struggled for words. "I guess it's pop drinking zombies and blue suns and Gorgons and-"
'Gorgons? Like in that awful movie you showed me with the bad special effects?"
"Gorgons, like in…never mind. It doesn't matter," he said tiredly. "I wasn't picking a fight; I was just asking a question. Am I a clueless git? Am I oblivious? What goes on in this world while I just putter through, stuck in my computers and thoughts and happy illusions of normalcy?"
"Yes, you are a clueless git, and yes, you are oblivious, and you know what? If you're going to be morbid, I'm going to need a drink. You got anything stronger than tea in this place?"
To his credit, he chuckled softly. "I have a bottle of bourbon in the cupboard. Haven't touched it since we moved in. Shall we get stupid drunk and pretend this day never happened?"
She laughed, too, and was happy for the break in the mood. "Maybe we should keep our wits about us, eh?" She leaned in to him, butting his shoulder slightly. "Come on, now. What's with the gloom? Catastrophe averted, again, everything's back to good, right?"
"How long were you miserable before you cheated on me?"
Chrissie blinked hard at his bluntness. She said nothing, considering the question, then blinked hard again. "Excuse me?"
"Nothing exists in a vacuum, Chrissie," he said, turning to face her. "How long were you miserable before you cheated on me?"
She lowered her eyes, suddenly very interested in the upholstery on the couch. "I dunno, really. That doesn't matter now, does it? We're done, we've moved on. Maria's getting settled…"
"I spent my life staring into a computer. I worked like a dog, and when I came home, I didn't even see my wife and daughter." He looked up at her, like he was seeing her-like he was seeing the world for the first time. "Chrissie, the world is so much bigger than we ever thought," he whispered.
"So…" She sighed, reaching out for his shoulder. It was a good shoulder. She used to love that shoulder, she thought absently. "I take it Mary Jane has her son back."
"This isn't about Sarah Jane…."
"You were there, she had the kid back. So she's not a kidnapper, you're saying?"
"No. No, she's not. Government thing, kidnapping ring, hush-hush. I don't know all the details, but I know it was all necessary."
"Yeah, well, she's still dangerous. Weird things happen when she's around."
"You said a mouthful," Alan murmured, then smiled. "But great things, too."
Chrissie nodded, finally getting the hint. Her heart felt kind of kicked, though, and she had to struggle to keep the bitterness out of her voice. They were both too tired and shell-shocked to fight, and her affair with Ivan really didn't give her much moral high ground to stand on. "So, it's official then? You and Sarah Jane?"
"What about me and Sarah Jane?"
Again, she had to struggle to keep her tone non-confrontational. A day ago, this would have been a screaming row. But today was not yesterday, and Chrissie had had her eyes opened, too. "I guess I can get used to it. But she's never gonna be Maria's mum, okay? Maria's got a mum-me. I'm not some hush-hush government Mata Hari, and I don't stop kidnappers, and maybe my jeans don't fit me quite so snug, but I'm still her mum, and she won't take over just because you're together now."
Alan's blank stare and look of surprise was quite possibly the most welcome sight Chrissie had ever seen. "Together?" He blinked, then laughed. "Me and Sarah Jane?" He laughed again, harder this time. "Oh, god, I'm sorry Chrissie, but…me and Sarah Jane?"
Chrissie had to chuckle herself. "Come on, it's not so far removed from reality. She's mysterious and beautiful and has this important glamorous life…"
Alan took her hands in his, a grin brightening his face. "Listen, I've already got more difficult, complicated, challenging, and amazing women in my life than any bloke can stand. You and Maria keep me on my toes; I'm certainly not going to add that one across the way to the mix." On impulse, he kissed her right palm. "I'm not interested in her in that way, you know. Sarah Jane is all those things you mentioned, but she's also emotionally crippled, frosty, and a bit bossy when it all comes down to things. Besides, my heart hasn't quite recovered from the last amazing woman I came into contact with…."
"Stop it," she whispered, kissing his hand. "Stop it, because I'm already feeling like shit, and you being nice doesn't help."
"You have no reason to feel like shit," he said. "You did what you needed to do to survive. I was never there, not physically, not emotionally. You were practically raising Maria alone."
"Maria adores you."
"You sacrificed everything-your dreams, your education, your plans-to be my wife, to be Maria's mum. And I repaid you by being distant, a workaholic, cynical and emotionally unavailable." He gave her a sad half-smile. "No wonder you found it somewhere else."
"When the moon was crashing into the world, when all hell was breaking loose, I wasn't thinking about my dreams or my education or yoga classes or Ivan." She stared at him fiercely, unwilling or unable to keep it in. "I thought about you. I thought about Maria. I thought about my family and my home and how it shouldn't be ending this way, with us apart. Every time the world starts to end, I don't run to Ivan, Alan. I run to you. I run to Maria."
"We're your family."
"You're my family," she agreed.
They sat there together, quietly soaking in this moment, quietly acknowledging that something had shifted there. Neither had the words to go further, but neither had the stomach to backwards, either.
The zombies had walked, and the sun had turned blue, and the meteor nearly crashed and the moon had spiraled down, and there was no coming back from what they'd seen, from what the universe had decided to clue them in on.
"The world is much bigger than we ever thought it was, Chrissie." He kissed her hand again, knowing they would not go any further tonight, knowing they were both still in too much shock to do more than just be there for each other tonight. "But that's why the gods invented families. To hold it together when the sun turns blue and the moon comes hurtling towards us."
She grinned at him, liking this deep Alan, this profound Alan, this aware Alan quite a bit. It wasn't a reconciliation, really. Just…a reconnection. "You need to spend less time with that Clara Jane, you know. You're weirder than ever now." She kissed his cheek, pushing him off the couch. "Now get off my bed. I'm going to sleep."
Alan chuckled too, but went to the cupboard to get her a blanket and an extra pillow. "You sure you don't want to sleep in the bed?"
"Naughty?"
"Considerate." But he accepted her no graciously, and kissed her again before shutting out the lights. "Good night, Chrissie."
"Good night, love."
The End