Hoy
So at work today, someone asked me "What are you doing working at Wal-Mart? You should be in a magazine or something. My friends in New York would want to steal you!" It was really funny, but at the same time, really creepy. I'm used to getting the "You're tall" remarks, but it gets a little old. Seriously. Never ever tell me I am really tall. I hate it.
But yeah, so I spend my whole day asking people how they are and telling them to have a nice day and as soon as I get into the car, I am completely miserable. My kindness and tolerance is completely drawn out after that eight hour shift and all I want is isolation. Is that bad? I feel guilty for not wanting to talk to or see my friends. I see a comment and I groan, thinking I am going to have to reply. This is an entirely new sensation to me and I'm hoping it will end by the time these three weeks are over because college is going to suck if I go through the first month or so just trying to be alone. Although maybe I've just had too much time with my friends over the years that I'm taking them for granted? It's so odd. I'm usually living on facebook, praying for a comment and jumping on every opportunity I get to go play something or hang out somewhere but sleep is the only temptation at the moment. Sleep and literature.
I hate having to analyze myself. I do it so often. I try to figure out why I am the way that I am, what makes me tick. It always ends up with me concluding that I am a horrible person - a selfish bitch. Not too fun, as true as it may be. I like to make up excuses but I know all of the truths. There is not one bad thing you could tell me that I wouldn't already know about myself. I guess it's good to be honest and it all has to start with acceptance, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. At least I'm aware, right? But I'd still rather pretend; accept everything as is. It would be nice to have at least a little bit of confidence. But oh wait, I'm confident too, aren't I? I am oxymoronic. Confident, but always seeking approval. Nervous as hell, shy, but loud and open. In different circumstances, I am an entirely different person. I think what I am experiencing daily now is further proof - I can't control any of it.
What an emo entry. I'm sorry if you took the time to read this. Oh wait, that makes me sound even more emo. Well yeah, there it is. Thoughts of the day and life in general. Fun wow!
But yeah, so I spend my whole day asking people how they are and telling them to have a nice day and as soon as I get into the car, I am completely miserable. My kindness and tolerance is completely drawn out after that eight hour shift and all I want is isolation. Is that bad? I feel guilty for not wanting to talk to or see my friends. I see a comment and I groan, thinking I am going to have to reply. This is an entirely new sensation to me and I'm hoping it will end by the time these three weeks are over because college is going to suck if I go through the first month or so just trying to be alone. Although maybe I've just had too much time with my friends over the years that I'm taking them for granted? It's so odd. I'm usually living on facebook, praying for a comment and jumping on every opportunity I get to go play something or hang out somewhere but sleep is the only temptation at the moment. Sleep and literature.
I hate having to analyze myself. I do it so often. I try to figure out why I am the way that I am, what makes me tick. It always ends up with me concluding that I am a horrible person - a selfish bitch. Not too fun, as true as it may be. I like to make up excuses but I know all of the truths. There is not one bad thing you could tell me that I wouldn't already know about myself. I guess it's good to be honest and it all has to start with acceptance, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. At least I'm aware, right? But I'd still rather pretend; accept everything as is. It would be nice to have at least a little bit of confidence. But oh wait, I'm confident too, aren't I? I am oxymoronic. Confident, but always seeking approval. Nervous as hell, shy, but loud and open. In different circumstances, I am an entirely different person. I think what I am experiencing daily now is further proof - I can't control any of it.
What an emo entry. I'm sorry if you took the time to read this. Oh wait, that makes me sound even more emo. Well yeah, there it is. Thoughts of the day and life in general. Fun wow!