Oh, ain't it the life?
I miss Clemson even more every passing day but Claremont is so serene.
I have a schedule, I don't hang out with anyone who's high stress, I'm
just floating right now and I really like it. Even if work sucks some
of the time, I'm content in my own little way. But that's enough with
boring you. I have some excellent stories for you all, so snuggle into
bed while I tell you three stories.
Bedtime Story #1 - "Get Awesome!"
A long, long time ago (a couple months) in a place far, far away (Philly) a young man went out with his friends to a bar. Now this man isn't Prince Charming. In fact, he's mediocre at best. But after throwing back a couple shots, a young woman (allegedly not a looker herself) decides she's taken a shine for our young man. Hormones take control, lust seeps out of the bar, into the streets, and finally into his bedroom. Somewhere through the fumbling, the alcoholic haze wears off the young lady and she suddenly decides this isn't the Prince Charming she had once seen. Very suddenly, she decides not to continue to persue this...relationship and tells the young man "Get off me!"
Well, the story could easily end here with a phone call for a taxi and a sad story but unfortunately, the young man didn't quite hear this young woman. Instead, he heard, "Get Awesome!" and in response to this strange and befuddling request, he starts cheering and waving his arms around. Eventually, the girl's request is heard correctly and she leaves but the very thought of some guy cheering for a request to stop a sexual encounter is hilarious.
Bedtime Story #2 - "Comprende what?!?"
One day, a beautiful princess trapped as a seafood waitress (hey, my story!) was slaving away at the WV, praying for the moment her evil manager would utter the words she longed to hear ("You're cut, Carpenter!") when a table of seven seated themselves in her section. Undetered by the additional table so close to closing, she went to greet the table. Suddenly, she was shocked into silence when the most handsome man she'd ever seen was sitting before her. With baited breath, she saw him open his mouth and tell her, "¿Hola, usted habla español?"
Crap.
As it turns out, her prince and his entire party of six spoke Spanish and incredibly limited English. Being an educated princess, she saw no reason to speak anything more than conversational French and even that would only get her to a bar and through her first round of drinks. Still, he was a prince and she needed the tip money, so after forty minutes and sixteen draft Sam Adams, the princess believed she had an order that at the very least sounded like the food the royal party wanted. As the meal progressed and the ale flowed, the Prince started getting more and more interested in the princess (and why the hell shouldn't he?). It culminated as the Spanish royal party went to leave. Running out of American dollars, the Prince left $50 euros for the Princess and his number. Admittedly, the princess would never call and she couldn't run out and spend the money that evening but the thought was there.
The princess eventually left the evil WV for college, got hired at another evil restaurant, but drank and partied to excess while still passing her classes. So, except for Sunday mornings, she lived happily ever after. The End.
Bedtime Story #3 - The singer and the cop
There once lived a waiter who probably should have been a lounge singer. Talented, lively, and slightly gay looking (God knows I love him), he one night went out with his fellow workers for a couple of drinks. As early evening turned into late night, the restaurant they were at closed and the party was moved outside. Instead of heading home, the conversation continued and turned to music. CDs were brought out of cars and exchanged, each commenting on the others musical tastes.
Suddenly, the waiter popped Sinatra into his car, turned the volume up, and started singing along. Loud enough for a couple in another parking lot to look very alarmed. Time and CDs moved on and eventually, Grease was in the CD player and "You're the one that I want" was blaring. Yep, Olivia, John, and the waiter. At that very moment, a police car pulled into the parking lot. Upon being assaulted with the vision of the waiter screeching Olivia Newton's part while dancing around the car, the police officier asked the two waitresses if everything was alright and left.
The moral of this story is, If you're going to be loitering in a parking lot at two in the morning, the easiest way to stop the cops from questioning you is showtunes.
Well, sleep tight kids!
Bedtime Story #1 - "Get Awesome!"
A long, long time ago (a couple months) in a place far, far away (Philly) a young man went out with his friends to a bar. Now this man isn't Prince Charming. In fact, he's mediocre at best. But after throwing back a couple shots, a young woman (allegedly not a looker herself) decides she's taken a shine for our young man. Hormones take control, lust seeps out of the bar, into the streets, and finally into his bedroom. Somewhere through the fumbling, the alcoholic haze wears off the young lady and she suddenly decides this isn't the Prince Charming she had once seen. Very suddenly, she decides not to continue to persue this...relationship and tells the young man "Get off me!"
Well, the story could easily end here with a phone call for a taxi and a sad story but unfortunately, the young man didn't quite hear this young woman. Instead, he heard, "Get Awesome!" and in response to this strange and befuddling request, he starts cheering and waving his arms around. Eventually, the girl's request is heard correctly and she leaves but the very thought of some guy cheering for a request to stop a sexual encounter is hilarious.
Bedtime Story #2 - "Comprende what?!?"
One day, a beautiful princess trapped as a seafood waitress (hey, my story!) was slaving away at the WV, praying for the moment her evil manager would utter the words she longed to hear ("You're cut, Carpenter!") when a table of seven seated themselves in her section. Undetered by the additional table so close to closing, she went to greet the table. Suddenly, she was shocked into silence when the most handsome man she'd ever seen was sitting before her. With baited breath, she saw him open his mouth and tell her, "¿Hola, usted habla español?"
Crap.
As it turns out, her prince and his entire party of six spoke Spanish and incredibly limited English. Being an educated princess, she saw no reason to speak anything more than conversational French and even that would only get her to a bar and through her first round of drinks. Still, he was a prince and she needed the tip money, so after forty minutes and sixteen draft Sam Adams, the princess believed she had an order that at the very least sounded like the food the royal party wanted. As the meal progressed and the ale flowed, the Prince started getting more and more interested in the princess (and why the hell shouldn't he?). It culminated as the Spanish royal party went to leave. Running out of American dollars, the Prince left $50 euros for the Princess and his number. Admittedly, the princess would never call and she couldn't run out and spend the money that evening but the thought was there.
The princess eventually left the evil WV for college, got hired at another evil restaurant, but drank and partied to excess while still passing her classes. So, except for Sunday mornings, she lived happily ever after. The End.
Bedtime Story #3 - The singer and the cop
There once lived a waiter who probably should have been a lounge singer. Talented, lively, and slightly gay looking (God knows I love him), he one night went out with his fellow workers for a couple of drinks. As early evening turned into late night, the restaurant they were at closed and the party was moved outside. Instead of heading home, the conversation continued and turned to music. CDs were brought out of cars and exchanged, each commenting on the others musical tastes.
Suddenly, the waiter popped Sinatra into his car, turned the volume up, and started singing along. Loud enough for a couple in another parking lot to look very alarmed. Time and CDs moved on and eventually, Grease was in the CD player and "You're the one that I want" was blaring. Yep, Olivia, John, and the waiter. At that very moment, a police car pulled into the parking lot. Upon being assaulted with the vision of the waiter screeching Olivia Newton's part while dancing around the car, the police officier asked the two waitresses if everything was alright and left.
The moral of this story is, If you're going to be loitering in a parking lot at two in the morning, the easiest way to stop the cops from questioning you is showtunes.
Well, sleep tight kids!