When Animal Puppets Attack ... They Go for the Jugular
When it comes to quality entertainment, very little compares to a crappy looking animal puppet who lusts for human blood.
Thus I bring you my "Top 3 Murderous Animal Puppets Of All Time."
1. The Vulture in Conan the Barbarian
You have Conan, nailed to the Tree of Woe, starving and bleeding and half-dead. A hungry vulture lands on Conan's shoulder and starts pecking at the blood on his chest, presumably as an appetizer before he devours Conan's corpse. Will this be the end of Conan?
No. That is not how Conan rolls. Conan wakes up, takes stock of the situation ...
... and rips out the vulture's throat. WITH HIS TEETH. This moment is made even better by the fact that the vulture is a sh*tty looking puppet.
So the vulture ultimately loses. But his awesome is elevated by the brutal way he goes out. Bonus: It's followed by this insanity:
2. The Raccoon in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
This raccoon is a ninja. He sneaks into the car, hangs out in the back seat for while, and then, out of nowhere, flings himself at Harold and goes for the throat. His bloodlust is matched by his demented stuffed animal appearance.
3. The Rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
This bunny looks cute from a distance--but when he flies through the air and starts shredding jugulars, the knights learn not to underestimate him. This cuddly white rabbit racks up a higher body count than Liam Neeson does in Taken. I'd like to see him take on some "vegetarian" vampires.
What about you? Any favorite murderous animal puppets? I don't actually expect anyone to answer that. Unless I have an evil twin lurking out there ...
Thus I bring you my "Top 3 Murderous Animal Puppets Of All Time."
1. The Vulture in Conan the Barbarian
You have Conan, nailed to the Tree of Woe, starving and bleeding and half-dead. A hungry vulture lands on Conan's shoulder and starts pecking at the blood on his chest, presumably as an appetizer before he devours Conan's corpse. Will this be the end of Conan?
No. That is not how Conan rolls. Conan wakes up, takes stock of the situation ...
... and rips out the vulture's throat. WITH HIS TEETH. This moment is made even better by the fact that the vulture is a sh*tty looking puppet.
So the vulture ultimately loses. But his awesome is elevated by the brutal way he goes out. Bonus: It's followed by this insanity:
Click to view2. The Raccoon in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
This raccoon is a ninja. He sneaks into the car, hangs out in the back seat for while, and then, out of nowhere, flings himself at Harold and goes for the throat. His bloodlust is matched by his demented stuffed animal appearance.
3. The Rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail
This bunny looks cute from a distance--but when he flies through the air and starts shredding jugulars, the knights learn not to underestimate him. This cuddly white rabbit racks up a higher body count than Liam Neeson does in Taken. I'd like to see him take on some "vegetarian" vampires.
What about you? Any favorite murderous animal puppets? I don't actually expect anyone to answer that. Unless I have an evil twin lurking out there ...