raise your hand if you love seasonal depression...

[sarah_rock]

so christmas is in a week.
and i have resorted back to my usual holiday feeling of depression.
surprise.surprise. for some reason, i thought that this year might have been different. but i was completely wrong.
there are tons of things that make me happy.
but for some reason, i keep coming back to this.
why?
there is so much i am missing.
i just wish i could understand. even a little bit would be nice.
i dont even care about what i'm getting.
i love the looks on peoples faces when they open presents from me tho.
i think it makes it all worth while.
i bought my brother and liz cell phones for christmas.
and they fell in love with me.
its priceless.
that feeling.

i wish i could have that feeling all the time.

i wish everyday was like watching peoples faces at christmas.

i wish everyday was filled with that incredible, insane, beautiful, pure, sweet happiness..that is trapped in that amazing instant..

i wish my gramma wouldn't have died two days after christmas. its never been the same.
i don't think it ever will be. christmas is like a constant reminder. i just wish the pain would stop.

maybe someday it will.
not today.