Panic Attacks
I can't live like this anymore. I'm so glad I have such an amazing guy in my life, because without Denver I would not be OK right now. I have been having severe and terrifying panic attacks fairly consistently over the last month. I've had 7 in the last month, 2 of which scared me enough that I went to the ER. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't be home alone. I have been spending all of my time avoiding my house. When Denver isn't home with me I find somewhere else to be--right now I'm at my mom's. I've put hundreds of miles on my car in the last week just avoiding being home alone. I have no control over what is happening. I'm in pain from the stress and cry constantly because I don't know what else to do. I'm clinging to Denver and hoping I can make it through this. Every second is spent dreading the time I have to spend alone and figuring out how to avoid it. Denver's missed 2 days of work because I'm so afraid of being home alone.
I have an appointment Family Psych in Clarion, but it's not for another week, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it that long. My doctor gave me Xanax with the hope of helping me make it to my appointment...the Xanax triggered a panic attack so severe that I went to the ER. I freaked out and it wouldn't stop. Xanax doesn't work, Ativan doesn't work...I don't know where to go from there. I'm completely losing it. I'm terrified that it's going to keep happening.
It's gotten to the point that if I'm home alone I can't do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. This is all so insane that I'm afraid to shower when I'm home alone.
It's all triggered by an insane fear of dying. I'm terrified that I'm going to die. And I'm going to die like my dad did. Suddenly and alone with no one to help me. Every single pinch of pain leads me to panic--I'm having a heart attack. Being light headed, random muscle cramps, stomach pain, headaches, not getting a deep enough breath--all of these things mean I'm dying and I'm going to die right there alone in my house while Denver is at work and there is no one to save me.
No matter how much positive self talk I use, I'm not winning. "I am fine. I've been to the hospital. They've checked my blood, they've checked my heart, there is nothing wrong with me. This is an irrational response to normal feelings. This is a panic attack and nothing more. I am fine."
I can't live like this anymore. I can't. I'm terrified and stressed and I keep crying because I have to constantly have my guard up or it starts up and it's exhausting.
I have an appointment Family Psych in Clarion, but it's not for another week, and I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it that long. My doctor gave me Xanax with the hope of helping me make it to my appointment...the Xanax triggered a panic attack so severe that I went to the ER. I freaked out and it wouldn't stop. Xanax doesn't work, Ativan doesn't work...I don't know where to go from there. I'm completely losing it. I'm terrified that it's going to keep happening.
It's gotten to the point that if I'm home alone I can't do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. This is all so insane that I'm afraid to shower when I'm home alone.
It's all triggered by an insane fear of dying. I'm terrified that I'm going to die. And I'm going to die like my dad did. Suddenly and alone with no one to help me. Every single pinch of pain leads me to panic--I'm having a heart attack. Being light headed, random muscle cramps, stomach pain, headaches, not getting a deep enough breath--all of these things mean I'm dying and I'm going to die right there alone in my house while Denver is at work and there is no one to save me.
No matter how much positive self talk I use, I'm not winning. "I am fine. I've been to the hospital. They've checked my blood, they've checked my heart, there is nothing wrong with me. This is an irrational response to normal feelings. This is a panic attack and nothing more. I am fine."
I can't live like this anymore. I can't. I'm terrified and stressed and I keep crying because I have to constantly have my guard up or it starts up and it's exhausting.