wesley
my old friend,
i pray you are well. i had not known your leukemia returned and so suddenly rushed you from your life.
i am so sorry for your loss. though it is of no consolation, upon hearing such tragic news, your life has brought to me clarity.
life begins. life ends. and then there is a cloudy period in between.
no one knows for how long this will consist of, nor are we but rarely given an exact time of when this will occur. and yet still, there are days when i do not say thank you, when i do not look at the sky and stand in awe of its Creator. there are days when my disposition is cluttered because the sky draws grayer. there are moments when i am not satisfied with what i have. there are moments when i want to give up and stay in bed because life gets too busy sometimes. there are feelings that i find myself feeling guilty for having; anger, jealousy, regret, and hatred. often times those feelings are not justified rightly. there are times when i do not appreciate the love i am given.
since when did just being alive no longer suffice? where did the mentality go that life is more precious than mere objects, false loves and such broken self-images that leaves us yearning for such worldly possessions? Perhaps we cannot lose what we never had.
these days- oh these broken days filled with such sadness i cannot explain.
i pity what i do not know, yet i thrive in what's been revealed to me. do i not?
perhaps no, which is my precise point.
this sadness that stays within me holds me struggling at a point i rarely see. and for only several hours i see clearly a world that will leave me one day. i feel as though i am not worthy to feel, to see, to hear, to love, to smile now. because you can no longer. your smiles have faded into a quiet sleep, your eyes closed one last time and i do not know of what you heard last. i pray it was loving. God was near, so there was much love, but yet you will never love a worldly possession anymore.
my heart aches badly. but all i can do is pray. for peace, for joy, for hope. the Lord truly is merciful, so i have no worries. and look, once again i turn selfishly towards Him, crying "let me love you more! let me see more! let me hear! let me speak of your glory!" but this is not about me. it never has been and never will be. i am not the mother who lost a son. i am not the father who lost his little boy. i am not the brother who aches for just one more day.
i am someone who has taken too much for granted. and your life, so young, has shown this to me.
you were lovely when i knew you, old friend, and i pray you are more peaceful now than ever. God bless us all with such humility that we may know of what we have yet to see or obtain in your Heavenly kingdom.
Peace,
Sarah
i pray you are well. i had not known your leukemia returned and so suddenly rushed you from your life.
i am so sorry for your loss. though it is of no consolation, upon hearing such tragic news, your life has brought to me clarity.
life begins. life ends. and then there is a cloudy period in between.
no one knows for how long this will consist of, nor are we but rarely given an exact time of when this will occur. and yet still, there are days when i do not say thank you, when i do not look at the sky and stand in awe of its Creator. there are days when my disposition is cluttered because the sky draws grayer. there are moments when i am not satisfied with what i have. there are moments when i want to give up and stay in bed because life gets too busy sometimes. there are feelings that i find myself feeling guilty for having; anger, jealousy, regret, and hatred. often times those feelings are not justified rightly. there are times when i do not appreciate the love i am given.
since when did just being alive no longer suffice? where did the mentality go that life is more precious than mere objects, false loves and such broken self-images that leaves us yearning for such worldly possessions? Perhaps we cannot lose what we never had.
these days- oh these broken days filled with such sadness i cannot explain.
i pity what i do not know, yet i thrive in what's been revealed to me. do i not?
perhaps no, which is my precise point.
this sadness that stays within me holds me struggling at a point i rarely see. and for only several hours i see clearly a world that will leave me one day. i feel as though i am not worthy to feel, to see, to hear, to love, to smile now. because you can no longer. your smiles have faded into a quiet sleep, your eyes closed one last time and i do not know of what you heard last. i pray it was loving. God was near, so there was much love, but yet you will never love a worldly possession anymore.
my heart aches badly. but all i can do is pray. for peace, for joy, for hope. the Lord truly is merciful, so i have no worries. and look, once again i turn selfishly towards Him, crying "let me love you more! let me see more! let me hear! let me speak of your glory!" but this is not about me. it never has been and never will be. i am not the mother who lost a son. i am not the father who lost his little boy. i am not the brother who aches for just one more day.
i am someone who has taken too much for granted. and your life, so young, has shown this to me.
you were lovely when i knew you, old friend, and i pray you are more peaceful now than ever. God bless us all with such humility that we may know of what we have yet to see or obtain in your Heavenly kingdom.
Peace,
Sarah