(no subject)
so yeah...i haven't updated in like a week...but ive just been soooooo tired....ive had to worke very day at like 6 am this week....it sucked...but hey im waitin for that awesome paycheck this thurday....but anyways....i really haven't done shit....just come home and chill....ive only hung out with chris everday at the mall and then hang out with him and amanda....ok so i hung out with wes one of those days.....and last sunday chris and i went to the foodbrand christmas party....it was weird....it was like jumangi up in johnny rockets...it was hilarous...there were like only maybe 8 ligh skinned ppl there...it was awesome...good food...and the shortest christmas pary ever...but anyways....ive really enjoyed seein chris everyday....he is seriously my best guy friend ever....i can tell him everything...i seriously we be upset if we stop talkin....probably more then upset....so lately ive had a shit time to just think about shit...y would a friend who u r pretty close even think about dating an ex-boyfriend she knows i still have strong feelings for???? y would someone do that to anyone???? im not tryin to be some crazy ex but geeze...i thought i could trust my good friends..but obviously not....and also....i already don't get along with girls....i dunno..........but anyways....so yeah...ive been ok lately...but since friday night at the tribute show ive been kinda down....and tonight i broke down a lil....i miss steven sooo much....i know i didn't hang out with all the time.....but he still meant a lot to me....he always knew what to say or do to make me feel better....i use to talk to him about a guy....he even stayed the night and just made me laugh all night....but tonight i left him the longest message on myspace....all i can do is just get teary eyed or butterflies when i think about him...i know he is with us....and look down on us and helpin us out....and i thank him for that.....what r we suppose to do now that he is gone though...i still feel sooo fuckin lost...this sux so bad....ive seen 2 shooting stars and see a monster squad jacket get lifted up in my car on my way to a benifit show that was for him......let me add no one else was in the car....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i just don't know anymore......everything seems sooo fucked up....i feel like everything is just a movie or something....its alll fake
ps i love steven
ps i love steven