New Username, New Journal
So I gave myself a new username that was more in tune with who I am now. I also changed a lot of my settings to let anyone read this if they so desire.
Today was hard. My mom would have been 61 today had she lived. I'm not sure how I feel about this. There's a part of me that's at peace with this. She's dead and nothing I say or do will bring her back. On the other hand, I never pictured her not being in my life. I guess there was some part of me that knew she was going to die at some point. I just thought she would be around for a lot longer than she was. I don't think I truly appreciated her while she was here. Now that she's gone there's so many things I wish I could say to her. She should have been here to see me truly make it (which I haven't yet). She should have been able to see me have children. So many things were left unsaid and undone. At the same time I have to believe that she knew I loved her with all my heart and that she's up in heaven watching over me and will get to see all of the stuff she didn't in life.
All the same I'm left feeling lonely and abandoned...
Today was hard. My mom would have been 61 today had she lived. I'm not sure how I feel about this. There's a part of me that's at peace with this. She's dead and nothing I say or do will bring her back. On the other hand, I never pictured her not being in my life. I guess there was some part of me that knew she was going to die at some point. I just thought she would be around for a lot longer than she was. I don't think I truly appreciated her while she was here. Now that she's gone there's so many things I wish I could say to her. She should have been here to see me truly make it (which I haven't yet). She should have been able to see me have children. So many things were left unsaid and undone. At the same time I have to believe that she knew I loved her with all my heart and that she's up in heaven watching over me and will get to see all of the stuff she didn't in life.
All the same I'm left feeling lonely and abandoned...