(no subject)
So with graduation looming in my near future, I feel like all things are converging in a grand effort to overwhelm me.
As a painter, my graduation from the College of Visual and Performing Arts culminates in a senior show which requires a great deal of planning, preparation and good old fashioned hard work. Along with recieving my degree, I have to anticipate providing myself in some fashion with health and dental care...and insurance.
Added to that is the honor, but also the pressure of being the maid of honor to one of my dearest and oldest friends. She's getting married in May and it's my responsibility, for the most part, to arrange a bachelorette party, a shower, and as an artist I also feel compelled to offer her my skills in order to save her as much money as I can. It's a blessing, but something that comes with unfortunate timing for me.
I also seem to go through seasons where things weigh on me more than usual. I don't know what brings it on and I don't think there's anything to be done about it. Friends or acquaintence with problems that I can offer no help with. Problems that I know I have that I can't seem to change or improve. Observations about humanity that just make me sad and eat away at the hope and optimism that I try and keep up concerning our race. A friend of a friend just got out of a long term relationship and had been dating a wonderful long-time friend for two weeks when he went skiing alone and died in an accident. A friend of a friend going through a genuine identity crisis. Knowing I'm too critical and that I call things like annoyance hate and it becomes that. Adding more things than I am checking off the mental list of goals and accomplishments that's I've created for myself. Watching movies where people hurt other people and take pleasure in it and knowing that that does, has, will happen in reality. I feel like the people that I love and care about and respect don't know how much they mean to me because I don't treat them accordingly, but I also feel like attempts to express those things aren't ever taken seriously. There's more plastic than plankton in the ocean. "Celebrating" people demonstrate their happiness by destroying other people's property and running into college student with their cars. Statistically speaking, if true to trends, last night there were more rapes and assaults than usual. I don't know how to shield myself from those things or even if I should. Should ability to help dictate concern? How do you differentiate being laid back from a certain amount of apathy? Blah.
As a painter, my graduation from the College of Visual and Performing Arts culminates in a senior show which requires a great deal of planning, preparation and good old fashioned hard work. Along with recieving my degree, I have to anticipate providing myself in some fashion with health and dental care...and insurance.
Added to that is the honor, but also the pressure of being the maid of honor to one of my dearest and oldest friends. She's getting married in May and it's my responsibility, for the most part, to arrange a bachelorette party, a shower, and as an artist I also feel compelled to offer her my skills in order to save her as much money as I can. It's a blessing, but something that comes with unfortunate timing for me.
I also seem to go through seasons where things weigh on me more than usual. I don't know what brings it on and I don't think there's anything to be done about it. Friends or acquaintence with problems that I can offer no help with. Problems that I know I have that I can't seem to change or improve. Observations about humanity that just make me sad and eat away at the hope and optimism that I try and keep up concerning our race. A friend of a friend just got out of a long term relationship and had been dating a wonderful long-time friend for two weeks when he went skiing alone and died in an accident. A friend of a friend going through a genuine identity crisis. Knowing I'm too critical and that I call things like annoyance hate and it becomes that. Adding more things than I am checking off the mental list of goals and accomplishments that's I've created for myself. Watching movies where people hurt other people and take pleasure in it and knowing that that does, has, will happen in reality. I feel like the people that I love and care about and respect don't know how much they mean to me because I don't treat them accordingly, but I also feel like attempts to express those things aren't ever taken seriously. There's more plastic than plankton in the ocean. "Celebrating" people demonstrate their happiness by destroying other people's property and running into college student with their cars. Statistically speaking, if true to trends, last night there were more rapes and assaults than usual. I don't know how to shield myself from those things or even if I should. Should ability to help dictate concern? How do you differentiate being laid back from a certain amount of apathy? Blah.