To the guys
A few of my guy friends have been talking about relationships lately - Phils latest entry has sparked a few things in my mind that I decided to post on here rather than just on his journal because the stuff I have to say applies to a few people that I can think about. And, if the girls on my friends list have more to add, feel free to stick stuff in the comment section. And I'm going to warn you in case you forgot - I'm blunt and honest as hell.
On the topic of being single - honestly, so what? Do you really *need* to have someone else to validate yourself as a person? IMO - take the time to work on yourself and do things that you like to do. Enjoy being able to party and having no one to report to. Get into sports, get a couple hobbies or something. The couples thing is overrated.. but I digress.
If you want to know what women look for.. here's what I can think of off the top of my head:
Women want maturity (generally speaking), and if you're not mature.. yeah, work on it. We're usually ahead of you in that department by 3-4 years so just keep that in mind. Living at home is a big sign (which, apparently I missed but now I've learned to stay away from it) that the guy isn't ready for a real relationship and will probably freak out when you try to do anything with him or have any kind of strong relationship with him. Sometimes this is situational if their parents are going through a rough time or theres family problems going on.. or if they used to live with someone and had a bad breakup or something and had to move back home.. but if that's not the case and you're just too lazy to leave mommy and daddys house, you might want to think about getting a roommate or something and grow the hell up. Plus, having your own place = parties and good times = more networking and meeting more people.
We also look at where you work in conjunction to the maturity thing. Generally guys that work at fast food places and aren't in school, aren't going to be the best choice for a relationship, because it says, "hey I just don't want to try, so I'm settling for what I know". It shows you're too lazy to look for a job and not very goal oriented. We look for people who take pride in themselves and try to do the best they can with what they've got, not someone who just settles for something because they're too lazy to try. No offence to those that still work at mc donalds of course.
Don't boast about the people you've been with around women, it slaps a huge "do not date" on your forehead, because none of us want to be that girl that you're talking about.. and we will usually pass that information onto anyone else who asks about dating you. Cockiness (see: jocks) is just not attractive. I don't think anyone on my friends list falls under this category though.. since I tend to stay away from these guys altogether.
If you don't fall under any of these categories, you're problem might be meeting people to begin with. Volunteer if the bar scene isn't your thing... it looks good on the dating resume and you're helping others in the process. A lot of girls volunteer at hospitals or animal shelters. Or do something for a cause you believe in.. ex: the stop animal abuse group in facebook. It'll give you something to talk about when you meet women at least, plus you get to help others and it's pretty impressive. Go to the gym, join a club, any place where you can meet people.
Phil is right - we all search for validation in life. Some people get it through trying to be the best at sports, games, or simply trying to be the toughest guy in school or whatever.. but that only works for so long. Once your out of highschool, people don't care how many beers you can slam or how many people you fought after you got out of the bar. I think you get the validation when you get peoples respect - working hard and doing things for others and your community. Helping others out who really need it.
Most importantly - don't do any of these examples for any one person, do em for yourself. When you build yourself up and enjoy life.. you will meet people and things will fall into place from there. You'll become more outgoing, and you'll have more to talk about other than the latest game you've bought (which is cool with me, but not all girls are gamers :P). Take the time to build yourself a career, not just a job, and get yourself stabilized in life. Once you have yourself straightened out.. everything else will fall into place in time :)
Just my 2 cents.
On the topic of being single - honestly, so what? Do you really *need* to have someone else to validate yourself as a person? IMO - take the time to work on yourself and do things that you like to do. Enjoy being able to party and having no one to report to. Get into sports, get a couple hobbies or something. The couples thing is overrated.. but I digress.
If you want to know what women look for.. here's what I can think of off the top of my head:
Women want maturity (generally speaking), and if you're not mature.. yeah, work on it. We're usually ahead of you in that department by 3-4 years so just keep that in mind. Living at home is a big sign (which, apparently I missed but now I've learned to stay away from it) that the guy isn't ready for a real relationship and will probably freak out when you try to do anything with him or have any kind of strong relationship with him. Sometimes this is situational if their parents are going through a rough time or theres family problems going on.. or if they used to live with someone and had a bad breakup or something and had to move back home.. but if that's not the case and you're just too lazy to leave mommy and daddys house, you might want to think about getting a roommate or something and grow the hell up. Plus, having your own place = parties and good times = more networking and meeting more people.
We also look at where you work in conjunction to the maturity thing. Generally guys that work at fast food places and aren't in school, aren't going to be the best choice for a relationship, because it says, "hey I just don't want to try, so I'm settling for what I know". It shows you're too lazy to look for a job and not very goal oriented. We look for people who take pride in themselves and try to do the best they can with what they've got, not someone who just settles for something because they're too lazy to try. No offence to those that still work at mc donalds of course.
Don't boast about the people you've been with around women, it slaps a huge "do not date" on your forehead, because none of us want to be that girl that you're talking about.. and we will usually pass that information onto anyone else who asks about dating you. Cockiness (see: jocks) is just not attractive. I don't think anyone on my friends list falls under this category though.. since I tend to stay away from these guys altogether.
If you don't fall under any of these categories, you're problem might be meeting people to begin with. Volunteer if the bar scene isn't your thing... it looks good on the dating resume and you're helping others in the process. A lot of girls volunteer at hospitals or animal shelters. Or do something for a cause you believe in.. ex: the stop animal abuse group in facebook. It'll give you something to talk about when you meet women at least, plus you get to help others and it's pretty impressive. Go to the gym, join a club, any place where you can meet people.
Phil is right - we all search for validation in life. Some people get it through trying to be the best at sports, games, or simply trying to be the toughest guy in school or whatever.. but that only works for so long. Once your out of highschool, people don't care how many beers you can slam or how many people you fought after you got out of the bar. I think you get the validation when you get peoples respect - working hard and doing things for others and your community. Helping others out who really need it.
Most importantly - don't do any of these examples for any one person, do em for yourself. When you build yourself up and enjoy life.. you will meet people and things will fall into place from there. You'll become more outgoing, and you'll have more to talk about other than the latest game you've bought (which is cool with me, but not all girls are gamers :P). Take the time to build yourself a career, not just a job, and get yourself stabilized in life. Once you have yourself straightened out.. everything else will fall into place in time :)
Just my 2 cents.