(no subject)
Oh LJ, I check you every day and yet I never find the time to say anything. Or at least anything interesting. I would have a book the size of a dictionary if I described my every day life. I cram so many things into it nowadays that I lose track of myself. My life right now? Let's see...I am in 6 classes=17 credit hours. And I am costume designing 3 shows and set designing 1 show in 4 months. I have 2 art classes this time around so tues/thurs I never leave the art building. Drawing and 2D design. I take all theatre classes on mon/wed which consist of Makeup, Rendering, and Multicultural theatre. At some point last week I found time to go to Michael's craft store 4 times, get drunk twice, and screw up 3 chances with very available boys. Nice one Sarah. I mean, I figure if I'm going to be single, I might as well live it to the fullest. No more of this monogamy crap. Except if you didn't notice, I'm not the most graceful or eloquent person around. Not around attractive boys at least. Another thing is, I have some ridiculous inherent need/desire to fall in love. So don't blame me for blowing off Mr. 22 year old baby face who was very in to me when he told me he drove a "black people" car and he bought it when he came back from Iraq. I'm sorry but I don't think I can talk to you anymore. I still have some standards and I refuse to lower them to a racist GI. Wow, sorry about the anger. lol. But am I supposed to be impressed?
Single. I didn't see that one coming. Well, maybe I did...but I was sure we had another good year left in us. And maybe I saw the signs as he gradually released himself from me. Becoming less talkative, less spontaneous, less attracted to me. It makes me so depressed because things didn't have to be this way. They weren't for so much of our relationship. We were crazy about each other. We were even crazy enough to think that it was worth waiting for. And I was stupid enough to not learn my lesson after my first long distance relationship fell apart. I thought I would come back from 6 months and things would be the same. Between us at least. But as much as I wanted that, I don't think it would ever have been possible. Living in Prague was no small thing in my life. Nor was 2 months of summer stock in Michigan. Whether I like it or not, I have changed. Not for the good or the bad but just changed. I know I'm more independent than I used to be. I observe more than I talk.
Being single is not easy. And to be honest, I really didn't want to do it again. I was safe, I had found someone who loved me and that's all I needed. I had that wonderful security. I didn't even have to worry about my appearance, because he would rather of seen me in a hoodie and jeans no makeup and no stuff in my hair. But to be honest, I like looking good. Wearing cute (and sometimes crazy) outifts. And I like wearing makeup and having guys notice me. I don't know why I stopped. I guess I got too comfortable. And now, I would rather be comfortable with who I am rather than being comfortable with one person. I became so boring with him. I told myself to dress normal around him so we would look like we belonged together. Isn't that sad. I never thought I'd be the lame girlfriend. But I was. I was fine with it too. I was perfectly content with settling for a broke ass glorified carnie who had no intentions of doing anything with his life. Maybe I deserve better than that. Maybe I don't but it's not really up to me anymore. He made the decision for me which makes me so angry. But it's done and that's that. I'm free and as much as I'd like to say that all I want is someone to make out with, I can't bring myself to settle this time around.
Single. I didn't see that one coming. Well, maybe I did...but I was sure we had another good year left in us. And maybe I saw the signs as he gradually released himself from me. Becoming less talkative, less spontaneous, less attracted to me. It makes me so depressed because things didn't have to be this way. They weren't for so much of our relationship. We were crazy about each other. We were even crazy enough to think that it was worth waiting for. And I was stupid enough to not learn my lesson after my first long distance relationship fell apart. I thought I would come back from 6 months and things would be the same. Between us at least. But as much as I wanted that, I don't think it would ever have been possible. Living in Prague was no small thing in my life. Nor was 2 months of summer stock in Michigan. Whether I like it or not, I have changed. Not for the good or the bad but just changed. I know I'm more independent than I used to be. I observe more than I talk.
Being single is not easy. And to be honest, I really didn't want to do it again. I was safe, I had found someone who loved me and that's all I needed. I had that wonderful security. I didn't even have to worry about my appearance, because he would rather of seen me in a hoodie and jeans no makeup and no stuff in my hair. But to be honest, I like looking good. Wearing cute (and sometimes crazy) outifts. And I like wearing makeup and having guys notice me. I don't know why I stopped. I guess I got too comfortable. And now, I would rather be comfortable with who I am rather than being comfortable with one person. I became so boring with him. I told myself to dress normal around him so we would look like we belonged together. Isn't that sad. I never thought I'd be the lame girlfriend. But I was. I was fine with it too. I was perfectly content with settling for a broke ass glorified carnie who had no intentions of doing anything with his life. Maybe I deserve better than that. Maybe I don't but it's not really up to me anymore. He made the decision for me which makes me so angry. But it's done and that's that. I'm free and as much as I'd like to say that all I want is someone to make out with, I can't bring myself to settle this time around.